Quietus

TRIGGER WARNING: CONTAINS TOPICS OF DEATH, SUICIDE, MENTAL HEALTH, AND COARSE LANGUAGE, IF YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITH IT, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. AGAIN FINAL WARNING.

I woke up to a white ceiling, but as I look around it turns out everything was white. Everything. There was nothing but emptiness. I was in a white dress. I freaked out. Who am I? Why am I here? What is happening? How do I know what I know? How do I not know what I do not know?

Suddenly, everything turned pitch black. I was scared, then appeared a light, so bright it almost blinded me, but it spoke.

“My dear, you are now in a different realm than those who live. But do not worry, for I am with you all the time. I know that you do not know of who you are, where you are, how you got here, but I’m afraid you shall figure it out on your own. My child, just know that with every rainstorm, comes a rainbow. Do not worry, for I will be with you at all times.”

That’s what it said. I got freaked out. How did it speak? How am I not supposed to worry or freak out when I don’t know anything. I suddenly got pulled, it was a strong force that pulled me, but I think it’s a positive force.

I was suddenly transported somewhere. You know that curiosity you get overwhelmed with when you feel like you recognize something, but you can’t find the memory. That’s what it felt like.

I started walking. I could feel the grass beneath me, and I realize how did I know what grass was? I started running and getting overwhelmed with confusion, as I register what a lot of things were but can’t seem to connect the dots. I had reached the pavement by then, and it was a street. A not so busy looking street, with a cafe here and there, a quaint little book store and library, a shop, people greeting each other here and there.

By that second, I just wanted to scratch my brains off. The feeling of knowing something but not being able to pinpoint how you knew it, was just too much.

I was so distracted, confused and fascinated I forgot to look at what’s in front of me. I bumped into a person, a guy, but I didn’t bump, instead I went through, and as I went through, I was able to (even for just a second) feel what the person was feeling. He was feeling too stressed out. I realized that he couldn’t see me, he couldn’t feel me. What am I? I realized that nobody could. I recognized him, but I don’t know who he was. Curiosity got the best of me, and I followed him. I took the advantage of being invisible, to try to at least figure out some of the answers to all of the questions I have. He went to one of the little cafes I saw, and ordered chocolate muffin and black coffee. He seems to be covering up his emotions.

He sat down in the secluded part of the cafe and let out a long sigh. I sat down the opposite of him. His eyes looked glassy, I can tell that he was going to let out tears, but he actually did the opposite of what I thought he’d do, he smiled, and reached out for a book in his bag and almost started reading it, when someone called him. I briefly saw the name and I think it said Jenna? But I’m not sure.

“Hey Jen, what’s up?” he asked her, and I heard her voice, I thought it was going to be a love interest but it sounded like an old woman who lost hear breath.

“Adrian, she...” the woman couldn’t stop sobbing. The guy who I’ve been following whose name turned out to be Adrian went from relaxed to very tense and guarded.

“Jen... What’s going on?” he asked her worriedly.

“She got hit by a truck while driving, the doctors gave her all their best, but they weren’t able to save her, God had a different plan. Adrian, ... is no more.” she sobbed and sobbed, unfortunately, the line went static when she told of the girl’s name, who is apparently no more? I don’t know what that means, but I’m still curious.

Adrian started chanting no’s like it was prayer. He started pulling his hair, and his whole face turned red, and I couldn’t hear the line anymore as his voice got louder, but before leaving the cafe he asked with anger where they were, and I think she said something about Roseville Hospital?

He started tearing up and ran to what I assume to be his car, and drove like a maniac. I was besides him, all the way, and I felt a need. A need to do something so he can feel better. A need to comfort him?

We had finally arrived at his destination, it was full of people in white uniforms. He rushed to get to someone. It was who I think is Jenna, not as old as I thought though.

“Where is she, Jen?” he asked her in a rush.

“She’s in that room.” she weakly pointed to a room just to the right of where they were standing. She looks exhausted, having to hold who I assume was her husband for support just to stand. Her husband seems disassociated, I think he is not yet able to process what had happened yet.

Adrian ran over to the room, and I saw someone, laying on the hospital bed, looking very pale, and lifeless? It was a girl. She looked awfully familiar, awfully. I feel like I had some type of connection to her, a very strong one. She had curly brown locks, button nose, freckles here and there, full lips, she looked like someone I knew very well.

What was weird was she was smiling. As lifeless as she is, she had a glow. She looked peaceful. As I scanned her, Adrian fell to the floor besides her hospital bed, and held her hand. He begged, pleaded, cried, and screamed for her to come back.

“Belle, please come back. Please, Belle, I need you, please, wake up. I don’t have anyone else but you, Belle, please don’t leave me.” He cried, and cried, and kissed her bruised and bloody hand again and again, but she just lays there, being lifeless.

“Belle, please.” He looked at her face, pleading for her to come back. There were scars on her face, a fresh cut on her jaw, but her hospital gown seems clean.

Adrian went outside, “Where are the doctors and nurses? She’s wearing a hospital gown! A fucking hospital gown! Which means all of you had time to save her! You fucking had time to save her! You fucking had time to call me.” He shouted in the hallway, gaining looks from everyone around, but even more weeping from the woman and her husband. One of the nurses was on her way to comfort Adrian, when he rushed back inside. The nurse sighed, and appears to have just given up.

“Belle, I love you. I love you so much. Not only as a friend, but so much more than that. I’m just too late and stupid.” he cried, while still holding her now cold hand.

“I was going to confess my love to you, today. Today, Belle. Do you know how much courage it takes to reveal your true feelings to your best friend? And when I’ve finally collected all the bravery I had, you’re no more.” he sobbed uncontrollably.

“Now, you’ll never know. You’ll never know how much I love you.”

“Belle, you were my everything. Why did you have to leave? Why so early? You knew, Belle. You knew. I had no one else but you. I told you everyone that comes into my life will never stay, they’ll leave me lonely, and you promised that you won’t. You promised, Belle. You said you’d stay by my side.” he said to her as his voice cracked when he said ‘promised’.

“Belle, I love you so much but I hate you too.” His hands started trembling.

“I love you for everything that you were, but I hate you, because you broke your promise.” he wept and wept endlessly.

“I wanted to say so many things to you, there was even a little hope that we’d have a future together, but you left.”

Adrian stood up, and kissed the so-called Belle on the forehead, “I love you more than you could ever imagine, I love you more than you loved chocolate, I love you more than words could ever explain, Belle.” he said after having ended the kiss.

I got something. When he kissed her forehead, I got something. I think it’s a memory? It’s in my point of view.

It was Adrian. We were laughing while riding the swing set on the playground, and he asked me a question.

“Why do you love chocolate so much?” He asked while kicking the sand everytime the swing goes down.

“They can be so sweet yet so dark and bitter. Some people love them, so people hate them, and some people are even allergic to them, but people who love them, they like the bitterness it gives, it compliments the sweetness. Not too sweet, not too bitter. Chocolate is like balance, I guess it’s the yin and yang of food.” I said while giggling.

“Nah, I’m just kidding, I just made those things up so I can seem smarter when really it’s just very yummy.”