Chapter One
Beep, beep! My alarm went off as I began to open my eyes.
"Ugh, I hate school." I thought to myself.
A couple minutes later, I got up and grabbed three pieces of paper and rushed downstairs. I had smelt burnt toast and saw raw eggs on the stove, along with steam boiling off from a gray pan.
Then As I began to look into the kitchen, I began to reached over to one of the open cabinets with two plates. Behind me was my Mom pouring a cup of coffee.
"What are you doing down here so early?" Mom asked. I didn't look at her when she asked.
On the sheeted paper it had a grid of squares and blank boxes, with written words and clues. I begin to write the words in horizontal lines all over the grid sheeted paper.
"Hey honey what are you doing, what are you writing?"
"Oh, It's a crossword puzzle, my favorite activity." Then she asks,"Can I see it?" So I hand my mother the work I have done.
My mother looked at it as she was biting her lip, and took a drink of her coffee, then handed it back to me.
"Wow, pretty creative there Honey."
"Thanks." I said nervously. So I hesitated for a second, my mom looks distracted.
"Hey, where's Dad?"
Hi, you introduce your character nicely, giving us a clear understanding of what she is like, and what she enjoys doing. We like the ending too, which presumably is going to be something of a cliff-hanger. A few basis errors here - you are mixing up past tense and present tense all time. Generally it's easier to write in the past tense with verbs ending in ed instead of s. Also each time someone new speaks, you should be moving to a new paragraph. Well done for making this a very good start. We'll enjoy reading more.
thanks for reading, I'll try my best next time. But thanks for the heads up!
i finally fixed all my mistakes and resubmitted it, I hope all ya like it and enjoy it!