~*smile diaries*~

(please be warned that this book contains sensitive content)

Jess made his way down the hall in total silence, his hands gripping his backpack straps tightly. The buzz of the students around him faded into a mess of noise as he tuned them out.

He could hear his name being repeated amongst the scattered conversations, and this just made him walk faster.

He needed away. He needed far away, so far away that nobody would ever find him, or ever hurt him again, or ever shred his fragile heart into a million pieces ever again. He admitted it- he was fragile. He was so damn fragile, his heart was a piece of glass, constantly on the verge of shattering.

Here he was, a junior in high school. He was tall, he had a very fit body, and he had all the affection in the world to give.

So why did everyone hate him?

Why was he so fragile?

But honestly, the damage had been done. Rhett had shattered him for the millionth time.

Rhett.

Rhett.

He loved Rhett so much. Or, he had loved Rhett so much. Right now, he didn't know what to think, or who he loved, or what he wanted.

Jess had trusted Rhett with everything. He had told the taller male all of his secrets. He had poured his heart out to him on numerous occassions, and he even risked his own comfort to grant the other intimacy. Because he loved him.

Because he was stupid enough to love him.

And Rhett treated it all like it was just a favor that Jess owed him.

Well, Jess didn't owe him anything.

He could hear students around him, whispering, talking, gossiping. About him. About him and Rhett.

"Isn't that the kid who took advantage of Rhett?"

"I heard he's a slut for any guy-"

"Didn't he used to date that one girl? The one Donovan is dating again, his 'ex'?"

"Yeah, I think they did for a while. She said he was a freak the whole relationship."

Jess ignored them as he rounded the corner to his classroom. They were lying, he told himself. They were lying. All of it, just lies. You're a good person. People like you. They aren't staring at you, they like you, Rhett didn't hurt you, Rhett didn't expose you, everything is okay.

"Everything is okay," he whispered, his lower lip trembling.

He stopped at the door, his hands shaking as he reached for the doorknob.

Jess took a deep breath and forced back burning tears with everything in him, and stepped into the theater classroom with the biggest smile he could muster.

"Good morning, everyone! Whooo's ready to rehearse some Drowsy Chaperone?" he chirped in a singsong voice, attracting the attention of several other students in the room, who all hollered back enthusiastically and mirrored his smile.

He heaved a sigh. This was a haven for him, the one place he could be himself.

This theater classroom was full of misfits. And he was proud to be one of them.

*~*~*~*

Normally, Jess loved theater rehearsal.

But tonight had been the worst.

The rehearsal itself was fun. It was so much fun, he got to show people how useful he actually was! He got to sing, he got to get lost in character, and he got to be proud of himself.

He had a genuine, solid reason to smile.

People here didn't laugh at him for smiling. They didn't laugh at him for what happened with him and Rhett. They didn't exploit him for any of his mistakes, they didn't mock him for being attracted to both sexes, and they didn't single him out for anything.

They made him feel like he belonged.

But not even that could change what happened after rehearsal.

Jess was walking home now. It was dark, it was quiet, it was peaceful.

And there was blood coming out of his mouth.

Blood.

It all happened so fast, and he couldn't react to it. He didn't even get to fight back.

He didn't even see Donovan standing beside the back door outside the school. The door connected backstage, and it was where Jess left every night after rehearsal.

And Donovan had been waiting there, his heart holding a grudge based off of another one of Rhett's cruel ideas.

"Let's see how long this bitch can smile, huh?"

"Wonder if we can beat that stupid grin off his face."

"If you don't have a jaw, you can't smile, now can you, Jessie boy?"

Jessie boy.

He fucking hated being called that.

But that's what Donovan had roared when he surprised Jess outside the theater door.

Jess wasn't smiling right now. It hurt to move his lips, and he was afraid he would choke on the blood if he made any sudden movements.

He couldn't feel his jaw.

Jess was scared.

Why was the world so cruel? After all he did was try to be nice?

Jess didn't understand.

He continued his walk home, his feet dragging with every cautious step. The last thing he wanted was for the blood to go down his windpipe and strangle him. So he kept his head craned downward, letting the blood trickle from his mouth to the sidewalk in an attempt to breathe.

He had every opportunity to hit Donovan back. He was right there in his face, and he didn't run immediately after landing the crushing blow to Jess's jaw. He could've swung back, his build was stronger than Donovans. He could have seriously injured the other if he wanted to.

But he didn't. Because Donovan loved Katherine.

And he made Katherine happy.

Jess liked seeing Katherine happy.