Our Jealous Love

I sat alone staring out into the vast sea, the sunset reflecting on the water feeling sorry for my self in this beautiful place. Most people would feel blessed, but I felt like a speck of sand on an expansive shore. I love Yoongi with all my heart, but is our love strong enough to overcome this?

I think about him all the time, especially those times when I’m all alone like this. On this beautiful empty beach, I ask myself. Should I let him go? It would probably be best for the three of us. It’s just that his touch is still so fresh on my skin. It’s impossible to let go. I cannot bear for Tae to touch me yet. It would feel too much like betrayal. We have been here a week and I still have not let my husband touch me as a couple would do on their honeymoon. I lay with him till the warm ocean breeze and the rolling waves lull me to sleep but there is no sex.

Taehyung is patient. He doesn’t force anything. He is kind and understanding to a fault but his frustration is starting to show. He left me alone and went for a walk by himself.

My incredibly handsome, understanding husband, Tae finds me strolling on the beach. He takes pictures of the beautiful sunset. He is good at many things and one of his artistic talents is photography. With his undeniable boyish charm, he smiles at me and I smile back.

“May I take your picture?” He says in his sexy warm voice with a tilt to his head making me smile.

“Sure,” I answer twirling for him in my pink sundress. I want to make him happy. I really do.

“Aww! You look beautiful. These photos are amazing ... like you.”

“Oh Tae, you’re so sweet. Thank you. Let me take your picture now.”

Tae looks gorgeous with his sun-kissed skin in this warm light. When I look at him I remember why I’m here. If I let myself love him again, will everything be all right? For a while, I relax and let myself be fully present in the moment. If Tae is to be my life partner, I owed it to him to leave here with some fond memories of us together. Tomorrow there would be another chance to enhance our bond, but for now, the sun bid us goodnight and we welcome the darkening sky. I feel I’m not ready yet, so with an air of melancholy, we head back to our bungalow with the last remaining rays painting an ever-darkening picture.

We walk in and see our dinner has been laid out beautifully on the table.

“It looks so good!” Tae says as I walk by glancing at the table. “Come, sit with me please.”

He grabs me before I can get away and I fall in his lap. He smells sweet and tropical, his cologne enticing me more than the food. He tries hard to be playful with me, but I can tell it’s forced and it feels sad to me. We don’t feel authentic.

“Hey.” He looks at my face to see how I respond. “You need to eat something. Let me feed you.”

He gently gets a piece of lobster and dips it in the butter sauce. “This is amazing. You have to try some.”

I open my mouth for him and let the delicious taste bring a smile to my face. “Mmmm. I like it.”

Tae hugs me gently and stares at my eyes with a sweet smile. “You’re so cute! I miss your smiles.” I let him feed me the lobster until it was done, then he fed me the mixed fruit. I feel relaxed and comfortable with him, at least.

“You can have the strawberries,” I said when he tried to feed me one. “I know they’re your favorite.

He plops a whole strawberry in his mouth and then another till he looked like a chipmunk. His cute expression making me laugh.

“I’ve never seen anyone that loves strawberries as much as you do.”

I kiss him lightly on his strawberry lips. Tae stares into my eyes and pulls me closer. The want in his eyes filling me with dread. When he tries to kiss me deeper I pull away.

“Sorry I can’t,” I whisper as if the honeymoon gods would be angry with me, and so we go back to the awkwardness.

Tae slowly moves away from me and gets on the sofa, looking at the photos he took on his camera. I feel like I’ve hurt him again and the thought makes me sad again.