White Roses

"But I still love you", your voice echoed once again in between the rhythm of the unknown and numb beats that my heart was constantly following. I smiled at the woman who was fixing my white veil along with the wedding tiara which made me looked like a Disney princess. "You are looking as pretty as a painting, delicate as well as gorgeous, sweetheart. May God bless you", she whispered into my ears while making me sit on the chair kept infront of the mirror. I kept on staring at my reflector in the mirror, it was as if I could visualize those same ardent black and tranquil eyes, in my ones. I could percieve that same old fire which I felt ages back after seeing you for the first time, rushing steadily through out my nerves in a complete brand new way , filling my heart with an unwanted courage to run straight up to you and say those three magical words, eight letters that you always believed in, in all these years of silence and ignorance.

I couldn't resist anymore from letting down that one drop of tear that I was holding back from a long- long time. "Here's your favourite bouquet of white roses, my dear", my father walked in. White roses! White! His favourite colour! I stared at them , felt like throwing them right across the room, they were driving me crazy , as he came closer to me with those , I felt myself moving one step closer to agree with whatever shit my heart was loaded with while almost drowning in your memories. "Few more minutes to go honey , and my princess will turn into a queen" he smiled and kissed my forehead. I hugged him tight and for the first... FIRST FUCKIN' TIME! I didn't feel the warmth I always did. I felt like getting lost somewhere that day, when in actual my heart wanted to be found and saved from everything that was going on all around. After he left, I was completely hijacked by my feelings to leave this place. Your laughter lingering around my ears won over the happy song I played loud in my room to ignore your thoughts. I couldn't ignore the storm that was going on within me anymore, while pretending to be bothered by whatever was going on outside. It was enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I opened the backyard door wide open , taking the advantage of everyone being busy at the main gate waiting for the groom to arrive. I rushed out bare foot , clutching my heavy white gown from both the sides and ran as fast as I could. My feets were hurting , but the constant mixed notions , confusions and the ideas to frame a paragraph to confess whatever I felt all these years, kept me going. To be honest, I wasn't only thinking about your smile or the first day we met each other, as I mentioned 'mixed' , by that I meant everything .Everything as in , your anger, your way of hurting me, ignoring me, hating me , the way you fought for me and with me, the way you said everything without saying anything , the way you cried, laughed , felt jealous, tried to get my attention, felt sorry , tried to make up things, hid things , teased me, insulted me, got insulted by me , the days we met accidentally ,the day we got drifted, I thought about basically EVERY FUCKIN' THING ABOUT YOU. After running one and a half kilometres , I finally reached your place. I rushed through the stairs , half of my heart was almost in my hand and I dashed to get the other half which was with you. I kept on ringing the bell, no body opened. It was almost a situation of me getting panic attacks but I already overcame that stage when I dared to leave my house without thinking twice about the trash my parents gonna get on their names after everyone finds the bride missing on the wedding day. I sat infront of the door, I decided not to move even an inch until and unless anyone comes out of the door. Exact 6:39pm it was , I sat there for straight seven hours.

When I heard you,"God!" that same deep yet so soothing voice rang into my years. I looked up, and you ware right infront of me! I was too overjoyed to say anything , all I did was to interrupt the thing you were about to say and hugged you tightly , the moment stopped after, my skin felt like blazing fire , but this fire was the safest thing I have ever met with. I felt myself after a long time. The chaos inside me stopped. You stood quite. I noticed tears rolling down your cheeks too. I looked at you with my smudged eyes. I was about to utter those three words eight letters, you always craved to hear, when a tiny sweet voice came out from behind you , "Dad, who's this pretty fairy?". She held your hand even tighter and gave me an innocent smile...I felt so much at the moment that i couldn't feel anything anymore...and then....

-

Yeah, it's been years now, I am far far far away from us and everyone, in a land where people hardly know my name , all alone with loads of memories and those 3 words 8 letter, that I couldn't be able to utter in all these years. Somehow they never found a way to escape from my lips.