You Shattering
They don’t know that you are breaking. You hide your cracks with bandages of smiles and laughters so you look perfect. They can’t tell that you are on the verge of shattering. They don’t know about the nights where you cry your heart out in the shower and how you open your skin to the world letting all your sadness bleed out with a tiny blade, covered up with long sleeves, make up and more smiles. You go to school, pretend, come home, pretend, stay up all night silently unraveling, quietly breaking trying to pick up the piece but getting cut in the process. You stay there all night creating scare by scare letting all of the badness, sadness, disappear, or so you think, until you are numb and by the time the sun rises you are ready to repeat over and over again day by day, night by night, not one tripping or falling, they don’t see the mask that's always there day and night, never once slipping out of place. They never see that you are in pain. You smile so much it hurts but they don’t know that. Everyday you can feel your heart shatter into pieces and those pieces shatter into tinier pieces. You use the word fine so much that it’s become a part of you. You’re so used to lying to everyone else you start to believe that you are fine, like you don’t cry every night and that your parents are happy and love you, like your life is all peaches and cream, like you are not breaking, But the slashes that stings remind you that its all a lie. You have this feeling in your chest that threatens to break your mask and the feeling travels up to your throat and eyes. You tell yourself you will not fall today and you bite your lip blinking back the waterfalls threatening to spill. You suck it up and get on with your day waiting for night time so you can fall apart. You repeat hoping one day just one day that things will change. But for now.. They can't see it.
