Too many details
"In the the first chapter, I thought "Wow so many details, the author has really created a new world and is showing us all like in a movie, impressive, great.."
But then characters started to appear, the story was supposed to start, yet paragraphs and paragraphs on absolutely unnecessary details kept coming in the way, clouding the important stuff...
A few more chapters and I started scrolling, skeeping all the length to try and find the story hidden between them! I might have lost a few interesting points in the process but the thing was seriously unpalatable at some points.
When you introduce a new character that is really secondary, there is no need for is ancestry and all his siblings and curriculum vitae ahead of saying "hello"!
I am a reader not a writer, but my guess is: if when 2 characters are in a dialogue and when one answers as a reader you can't remember what the question was, there's a problem! This is a novel, not an acting script, no need to write all the postures and reactions of everybody around! Especially with comments as he had noting to say to this or he was not surprised
You're meant to bring the reader in the story to experience the surprise, the love, the betrayal or whatever is happening to your characters, not to describe it as if a report.
Apart from this huge set back in the writing, I kept going because of the universe and story, but re-write the thing, shorten it drastically, let the characters express themselves and then you'll have a great book!
I am sorry if my comment comes across as negative, that is not my goal, I only mean to be sincere of what that possibly great story deserves.
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