Wet Bandages

I didn’t know what to do.

Of all the hundreds of thoughts rushing through my head; my hands couldn’t seem to grasp a single one of them. I just laid there on the rough pavement by the broken, peeling fence of the house I used to call home. The rain pouring around me; leaving soft repetitive pads as each drop plummeted head first to the ground in hope that its life was able to help some plant or life form, or whether it was wasted on the concrete or road.

The rain made the area look foggy and dark, it was hard to see anything in the thickness of its fall; it seemed to echo across my mind like the perfect orchestra of loneliness... I loved the rain, because it made me realise; that even nature cried for no reason.

Everything hurt and my bandages were crumbling. The white material was slowly beginning to unravel and fall out of reach, it was eerily similar to how life was at the moment. I thought it was very metaphorical and symbolic honestly.

I slid my eyes from the curtain of rain around me and to the sky, craving to see the beautiful crescent moon and the clusters of stars; but I couldn’t see them due to the clouds. So I began to stare off into space, zoning out. I felt empty and alone, I felt confused and guilt ridden. I didn’t know why. I never did. That was just the way it was.

But as I stared at the vast stretch of nothingness, that was visible through my non-concentrated eyes - I realized I no longer cared. Not about objects or people, myself... Just in general. Nothing was of any importance anymore.

I blinked.

I could feel the drops that gathered on my eyelashes falling, sliding down my skin and disappearing onto the floor. Despite the coolness of the night though; I didn’t feel cold, not from the wind, the temperature, not even of the rain; I felt cold inside if anywhere. I blinked once more to shake off the haze cloaking my mind like a dark cloud.

Then deciding that; instead of stressing and feeling blank, to just close my eyes. To not think and just let the rain wash away the pain. To pretend, that maybe, just maybe; everything would be okay once the sun rose. It was irrational. It was childish. The simple sunlight couldn’t fix this bleak darkness that radiated from my empty chest. The sunlight couldn’t chase away the demons that plagued my mind. The sunlight couldn’t make everything okay again, make everything return to how it used to be, and it definitely couldn’t change the emotions and pain of today. But at this point...

All I could do was hope that it truly would.

10/5/2017