Cloud 9
I was on Cloud 9 with Michael. Our relationship seemed so perfect. He seemed so perfect. I hadn’t felt like this for so long. Until he slowly started becoming distant.
Not again…
I’d seen the signs enough to know what happened. Another man drifted away from me, and once again I did not understand why. It feels like a cruel joke that is playing on you. As soon as it appears as if you’ve finally found your happily ever after with a fantastic man, he floats away for seemingly no reason. It’s the gradual process of losing him that makes it even more painful. There are no clear signs he’s losing interest. There are no obvious reasons for him to be upset. So, you can’t ask him what’s going on. Not unless you want to be labelled as a an insecure and paranoid drama queen. Instead, you cross your fingers and do your best to be a brilliant partner. But that never worked for me. The texts slowed. They shorten. He becomes ‘busier’. We spend less time together and it has eventually been called off.
Every. Single. Time.
This process was so painful. Whatever I did, the same thing would happen- and it left me questioning myself for weeks afterwards. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too ‘needy’ or was I not affectionate enough? Had he found a younger skinnier version of me?
Then, inevitably… was I destined to be alone forever? It’s a horrible vision that was increasingly likely.
Perhaps I would only ever be a ‘short-term girlfriend’. A bit of fun until someone better came along. These thoughts would gnaw away at me. After each breakup, it took longer to build myself back up.
Now the situation was unfolding again. I couldn't sit and watch this happen to me this time. Not again. Not with Michael. I had to dig deeper to find out what was going on...
So, that's what I did.
