What is your opinion?
amazing
"Wow! wonderful😍🤩🤩very well written nice suspense, And eye catching words."
The description really caught my eye!
"The descriptions this author uses is probably the most amazing thing about the book, and that is saying something! I can imagine every scene clearly in my head, I can feel every emotion that the author is trying to portray, The book takes us on an adventure with many twists and turns. I can't point out one mistake other than the few grammatical mistakes that even an editor would ignore! I could read this book many times and never tire of the beauty in the descriptions and the plot!"
Awesome
"I really love this story. The writer paints a very vivid picture of the lives and struggles of each character so you get attached. The suspense builds with each chapter. "
Good
"Nice and short description, real sense of mystery. The opening paragraph was very good, and I liked the use of short and snappy sentences. I think it would be better to break that after the opening and combined sentences more. Try starting sentences in ways other than ‘I’. There are times where you start ‘father’ with a capital letter and times you don't in sentences. Either start with a capital letter or don't and if you do, make sure you do the same for mother. Servant should be with a lowercase ‘s’. I do really like the way you introduced the problems in the story and gave the reader information. I do think giving a but more information on the world this story is in would benefit the reader, but not too much so that the story slows down. Fortress should have a lowercase F as it is in the middle of a sentence. Your chapters are too long, the first one especially. Also the Chapter 1 part A thing is confusing. Chapter 1 doesn’t have another part, and chapter 2 has 3 parts. I would change them to just normal chapter numbers, 1, 2, 3 etc. You start 2 sentences, one at the end of a paragraph and the other at the start of the paragraph after it, with from. This feels a little repetitive, and I would reduce the number of times you used the world villages in the second paragraph mentioned before. The tense dynamics of the families in this book are sent up well and you really get a sense for the bitter hatred they have. There are a couple of times where you use capital letters for words that need to be lowercase. Guitar for example. Just before the bit the voice saying ‘beware’ which is very spooky, I think would be a good place to end the first chapter and start another one. I really like your descriptions, the way they are done doesn't not drag but it still paints a picture ‘the sunlight was pouring through the windows’ is just one. The pacing of the story is slow, and I understand that this is a thriller so things are going to build up, but it could move a little faster. Making chapters smaller I'm sure will help with that. You can really see the planning put into this world, but like I said before a little more detail about things weaved in would help the reader a bit more, plus it will further make them appreciate how much planning has gone into this. When things get going it is good, this story just needs some tidying up. "
