What is your opinion?
Just a little elbow grease -
"I think you have a promising story going on here, however there are some issues that cause a bit of a stumble as I was reading it. There was some difficulty following what was going on, I think if you retooled some sections to blend description among the dialogue tags, and build up more on "Show don't tell", you would benefit greatly in keeping descriptions in order. I would love to continue reading this or seeing any new work."
Good Characters
"This is a fairly good story. I found the human of characters normally so...machine, amazing. You put in a lot in so little. You showed that your narrator was an actual person, not just a nanny-nator. There were, though, quite a bit of issues. For one, the style didn't really fit the story. The descriptions were confusing - you were describing the man one moment, the girl the next. The actions were rather erratic with minimal explanation to any of them. You're grammar wasn't its best, either. In the first paragraph you use was rather than were with "locks". The story was great - the technical stuff...not so much."
