Chapter 1
When people impersonated kindness and made off with the house and the chattels. We as the undersigned were maddened to believe we were not to be trusted. With what? What to know what was ours and what was their own. Who is this blood why did it take the cause off th I am so sorry flurry. The butter would not melt in her mouth. Mother was astute like that. To admit they had a point because the thing was mother totally unsuited to being a mum. Look it is our hush and hush.
They as the sinners who thought they were at a inn said as much. "You do not know us- You did not marry us. Now our enemy that is you. Then we arrive quietly and take what we like.
That is the trade off.
"We are trading places."
"You become the people you know."
"The wanton are silenced and we obey our tradition."
"Our seeds do not disobey their fathers."
"There are no infidels in this century which is the 21st."
I am most upset that we wear clothes modern but our heads are in the middle ages.
That is what we believe in our only thought in this stage is who gets what. Division of the spoils. We dislike spoilt daughters.
"We do not sin we are very good." The simplicity of this was such that they made me sick. The failing of us all is to see ourselves as we are. We do not seek to. We have no self examination. Respect went out of the window. No time to take ourselves out and exam the woman or the man. We are nothing but this good humour. Cloaked under secrecy wished upon as the modern but we do not climb out of the gutter. Always in some diner and adding to the intake of the stomach.
We have become servants of those who do not want us to feel or think.
"Are you without arms without legs or eyes that you don't wed?"
"Stubborn girl who did not do as she was told."
"We are in love with you," They all said. When I had been in love with these people. I thought they were good and their kindness was nothing but obvious. Devious is what they were. They all knew me as their good girl.
I was something back than a good advisor to them all. They thoughtful took everything in. Then spat out the worse of blames and conspiracies. They took everything and gave me this? Suspicions and suspensions of belief. Why have they got under my skin?
Why is it that they dined on us?
Because less haram to do that than do nothing.
"He made her a dishwasher a soiled goods he spent his life in high living and now he lacking in goods. He comes back. We can give it to her every night and day."
Everything has stopped working in this cold weather the heating has gone down. I am without that in this chilly inclement with the nervous indignation? What can a woman be but cold?
If I saw them with someone. Muslims man it is because they are having a laugh. English girls now dislike them. If I see them with the people chasing them in and out. There is nothing that I fear more than their victim. I would rather do then to think of something else than the unpleasing thoughts I am having.
The thing was they disliked me. Eventually hated me. Look cousin look be our second wife. They want me to become a second wife as this would do what to them? You can pick and choose anyone of us.
"But you loafer's are already married. Because I did nothing. I am in penury to make me pay?"
But have nothing but them on my mind. Now they have disappeared.
I am alone in this country- in something like lost in the oceans of something. Lost in sadness. The parents in name have died. Why did they die?
"They died of fright."
So now they have nothing more to say to me but that get lost. I am lost in the elementals as they crave me as if stone. Chiselling working and doing. Drumming the drummed out failings which is life.
There is not much lost on me that the world had won. I lost out. On side which was buttered he sat down and gave me a lecture on how to be a lady. That lost side of me said things days and nights so alone. Now spent wishing there was nothing inside me but broken china.
Nothing to do? Something is taking so long as the times we had not done. Forever being drained. Like some frog marched child. Done for I am done for. Dragging steps going to the mountain and spending time marking the stones. Where does the lost females go?
Super dinner and then we take in some tea? Nothing but the washing up and sometimes they are kind of lost on me.
"Wish you were here." Ps miss you this is the life I lead. There lights and fairy tales and romance. Such a hard life he must be living. A post card of nostalgia and wishful thinking. But somehow feel his sadness without relishing it. Then tear the card up. I know nobody who would send me that type of card.
My dungeon is more secure. I have become a dragon. A keeper of the mad. That is what he does not understand.
"If I was you would not wish me near." I spoke underneath my breath as mother asked what did you say. I leave the room and sweep upstairs.
I am not in love anymore just enraged.
Imposter imposing themselves on us. Animals crawling like insects wanting us to want to give to them. Using us for the good of their own. As if we the little thoughts which they had itching on them. We are now amusements.
We were kids who lost their way. They had to shovel them in. Somehow to some mould. We who did not belong were not the right persons . Wrong persons moved in. They are now the parents proper and good upright Muslims.
To show the way forward to make the house decent look calm. The scents of incense rising higher and higher marking time with the thought. Now good and proper- order must come. We must all know who we are.
And had the right to speak to seek to have our life in their hands. Why were we not protected when these imposters moved in?
Their ideas now foisted on us.
Identity papers all correct their mannerisms all intact. That is your dad how do you think he looks at eighty he looks younger than you do.
His sister's child because of her husband wanting the lands. He the insane was told to sit in a blabber and wet himself. Because that is what mad people do.
Look it is nothing to speak out now. They have all left leaving their traces leaving tears like robbers. Just left the feast. They have nothing but the things which they had to have. They left their masks at the desk. The life left the rest to come back later for.
We will be back to collect and collate. We left someone responsible to do that as he is into book keeping. Allah is the judge that is what they don't understand. My education tells me that.
When there was a car smash. A accident a big car smash they said someone had not died. Then they said she had come alive after six months in a coma.
There is a hostility about this is. There is indeed when the woman who was supposedly alive. I did not only die but god rest her in peace she had left this world for a better place.
Her three children all in the know. Their mother is now dead they said they sorrowful. They into the bad times because orphans and that is when we know them. They come they are three sisters. One with the unlucky mistake to have slept with her nearest and dearest all now married off.
I mean the one who slept with the nearest and dearest her marriage. I did not last a time it was over before she knew and she so high caste.
I felt below stairs.
Her husband said he would marry the waitress rather than stay with someone like her. That is what you get for behaving like that. He said rotten to the core she added. She said her father provided her with a house and she lives in it. Well he said her father provided her with more than that.
She now wearing the gown which they see as religious. Hidden masked and folded inside the whole nonsense which is beginning to make women and men as criminals. They hide themselves so that they can perpetuate the deeds which they do not want to face.
"I was but two." She would scream as she was gently handled by him.
As the marriage ended we were sorry to see them no more. I can imagine the husband with the waiting woman quite happy. His second child he provided for. The wife with ladylike gentility was never seen again. Nor sourced I heard her screaming to a false mum and she reassuring her. I will kill you all.
I am in a mood to observe the sorry tales which we begot. There is the sister of father called Nedeim with the name like that she did not care for. It is a assume name. Then she said she was called this other person. Checks in the post my dear. Mother would so to speak. We all believed her because most of the time she was on the phone.
On this poor phone begging for money and then somehow laughing at us all. My God my mother did not even give me that at my birthday.
I am sorry, I have to take a breath and drink some water. The callous way they behaved, robbing us like we were to be poached. Because they were so needy and did not care for work. So the years passed. Three people died and then this novels came into being because I am sorry to say.
I wanted the world to know what had happened so that it would not be so easy for it to happen again.
Now when I last saw auntie Nedim she was on the hospital bed gone beetroot and somehow very green. Then she was flown to Cyprus at least her body was.
How did she get back alive from that? Having flown and her daughter was very anxious that her body. Should be flown safe and with everything intact. I am not a doctor.
But her daughter is.
There is two women in this so why did the wrong one come out alive? I did love my auntie but she insisted on things as if she knew what she wanted. I never listened to the other persons point of view.
As this is the only auntie with the only husband who was there when we were growing up. We lived in her house at least I did she knew me.
She said I would do for her son. The son was a abused boy with hardly anything but guilt and remorse for being alive. He sat in the tree once and cried because I said he should not see me naked.
You see it is most inconvenient for a child to be seen naked when she is seventeen. All of the fucking cousins on the tree having a peep. They all fell once it was so funny. You see all on the same tree having a peep and the branch went luckily. It swung and nearly hit the house. I went immediately to the kitchen where the butchers stand is. The knife since has disappeared. I did my dressing in there because in the kitchen no window.
We were in Cyprus on a holiday back than. His walking stick striking and then they begin to see that he might leave all his lands and money to us to me. Because very fond of me.
But he could not stay because in our house the food did not taste as good as in auntie Nedim's house. Even though she had the flies in the food floating. She had been in his company for some years, Never mind that her first born was not likely to be his did I speak about something important?
Nedim here and there walking around and round because her marriage down the drain. Nedims marriage is on the rocks . She shouts I am here your auntie. She is even madder than before. It does not take rocket science to know being proud and there being discrimination against divorcees then what?
"I am Nedim I am a mother and my son will not go back to that place. You shall. You belong there."
"I do not want to marry your son."
"What is wrong with my son?"
"Nothing."
