F GB n CDse

"Vbndsybv. Hahahahha kahf shahid"

Caius

"Absolutely brilliant rendition of a pain filled story often splashed across our screens. Beautiful merge of western and war ☺️"

"null"

Amazing

"This was one of the best stories I've read. It ended sadly and not like I expected it to. I hated all the characters at some point in the story as much as I loved them all at some points in the story. It was perfectly balanced."

Adjustment

"I have to make an adjustment to my previous review. I mentioned complexity of sentences, but on re-reading certain portions I realized that the sentence structure was, for the most part, good. It was the verb tense that threw me off. I realized as I was reading that I was mentally correcting tenses as I went along, and it distracted me from other elements. I know in English class, teachers (myself included) tend to harp on staying in the same tense, but though there is some truth to this, there is also a natural give-and-take that should occur. Just because a paragraph starts in the present tense does not necessarily mean that everything that follows must follow suit. Some deviation is natural, and so if only one tense is written, it can seem contrived, even forced. One element that struck me anew is that your development of Evelyn as a round character is truly great. She is intriguing and has an air of mystery. The hints and suggestions about her past made me want to keep reading to find out more about her. And the way she develops as a person throughout the story keeps her realistic and interesting. Again, I have to say well done! "

Great story!

"I had glanced over this a few times and not really been interested because of the information dump right at the top, but this time I actually read past that into the story and was completely sucked in. This is a great story so far. I love the characters that you are building, between your female protagonist with the broken past, the love-struck military leader, and even the abusive orc. I want to see where this goes next! Not much is revealed plot-wise at the very beginning, except that war may be coming, but I think that the writing and the characters make up for that. I'm curious to know why people would want to sabotage the protagonist's work -- charcoal in the wax, etc. The writing itself was good -- it felt very polished -- but I felt like there could have been more showing and less telling. Don't tell us a character is excited, show us their hands knotting together with anticipation. Don't tell us it's a sunny day, show us the sunlight reflecting off the polished windows. In some places, your imagery is absolutely amazing, in others it's a little vague. Also, I'm not sure that the information dump is necessary. That may be information that is vital to your story, but I almost feel like you should mix it in elsewhere because when you put it all right at the beginning, it's kind of hard to get through. Your story has so much draw once the reader gets past that. I hope that this helps. I'm putting this into my reading list so I can read more. Great work!"

The Rise of Evelyn

"I have a great deal to praise about this story and very little to criticize, mostly because the author has clearly inhabited this story for some time. The story feels quite "lived-in," meaning that everything smells and feels authentic, with a history and a pedigree. Evelyn's story is real and haunted, and you feel that there is a real, tortured heart beating beneath her skin--and the first few chapters do an excellent job of helping us relate to her and see the world through her eyes. What is really impressive is how the author takes a destroyed, broken-down slave and slowly builds her up to someone of integrity, strength, and promise. Her inner world is richly detailed and it's believable that she could come back even from losing her sister and everything she knew of life. The world is richly detailed without being overwrought, and though it borrows from many fantasy traditions, it still feels unique enough for the suspension of disbelief. My only real criticism is the first chapter, which suffers from "over narration"--the narrator hijacks Evelyn's story and tells us everything about her past, the bandits, etc., enough for several chapters. There's simply enough material for 3 chapters here, and telling us too much in a first chapter has the unfortunate effect of sounding like movie narration. Nothing wrong with a little "telling" in a story, but this is a bit much, and a lot of these details could come out more gradually throughout the story--we don't need to know them immediately. Much more interesting in Evelyn's inner world...I like how you flashback to the death of her sister without narration but in remembered dialogue. Do more of that. It reads more naturally and doesn't upset the flow of the story. The writing is crisp and polished and full of flair. I love how the book opens with her journal, and then fades into her own life. That alone should be the focus of the first chapter. She's too interesting a character to steal the story away from--let's keep the focus on her. I do like that you resisted the urge to write in first-person and tricked us by giving us first-person (through the journal) and then switching right into third. The first-person heroine has been done to death, and I think you have the skill to bring off a third-person tale. Can't wait to read more and to follow your writings on the site. Excellent beginning!"

It's Got Promise!

"I love this story- I found it under one of the beta blog posts- and I must say that I love it! It still needs a bit of work, of course, but that's every good story! I do rather like Evelyn and I think I'd like more on who she is as a person now, because I'm curious to see who she's grown into. This is really cool, keep writing!"