Chapter 1
Two words. Broken and depressed. Growing up was not easy and becoming an adult was worse. Hence, broken and depressed. At the age of six I lost my parents in a car accident and from then on I lived with my grandparents in north London. More specifically Hampstead. The wound of losing my parents never really healed and I closed myself off and stopped speaking for a while. I isolated myself into the small cosy library my nan had. But one day my nan forced me outside in the sun, I lay alone on the lawn when a football came crashing down on my head.
A boy with blond hair and blue eyes came running after it and ever since that day it was hard to seperate us. The boy was about my age I could conclude at that stage and quickly found out his name was Liam and had a kind heart. Ever since that day we barely separated, we were like peas in a pod. Liam got teased at school for having a girl as a best friend, but he did not care. Since Liam lived next door, we spent most evenings together as well and as we grew up and hormones started to develop I could see that Liam’s mother got worried for a potential teenage pregnancy, but we just laughed it off.
But like all good things, they end.
Liam’s father owned a well known marketing company and he made the move of expanding it to the US and they moved to New York a few months later telling me the news. So at the age of fourteen I lost my best friend and of course Liam promised to keep in touch, but over time we talked less and less until there was no communication at all.
What broke my communication with Liam the most was when a year after Liam moved to New York, was when my granddad died of a heartattack. I called Liam and texted him, with no response at all, which broke me further. I found solace in books again and focused on studying like my granddad wanted me to do. He wanted me to succeed in life and see me graduate from University and start a career.
I was teased for being a nerd of course, but at the time my heart was closed off anyway. So I pulled through and graduated with high grades and got accepted to several Universities in London. I had no desire to travel to a different town or city in the UK, when the last person I loved was still in London. My nan did want me to spread my wings and not worry about her, but argued that the best Universities were still in London, but she knew it was because of her I stayed.
I applied to study English Literature, since I fell in love with the written word a long time ago and I really wanted to work as an editor and be the discoverer of the new J.R.R. Tolkien or Diana Gabaldon. My first day of lectures a very extroverted girl sat next to me and introduced herself as Hannah. She would not stop talking until the professor walked in. When I asked Hannah later why she sat next to me, she said I had the right energy about me and knew that she wanted to be my friend.
Hannah was right and we are still friends. Lucky for me because Hannah had an uncle who owned a book editor company and promised both of us a paid internship after we graduated with potential permanent job positions afterwards.
A year after graduation and securing a permanent job in Hannah’s uncles company, we discovered that my nan had breast cancer and it was terminal.
At the time I had a boyfriend I met at the University a year into studying. He was loving and caring in the beginning, but after graduation he developed signs of a possessive nature. So when my nan was diagnosed with cancer I moved her to a home that could take care of her, because she was fading fast and I could not stay at home and take care of her. In the end my boyfriend, Adam, gave me an ultimatum. Choose between my dying nan or him.
In a heated argument I stormed off not believing the selfish bastard. Looking at that relationship now I could see it was doomed from the get go, but you live and learn. However, when I stormed off it was pouring down and driving home was not the best idea, poor visibility and infuriated. I crashed my car pretty bad and ended up in a coma for three weeks.
My life at this point was a shit storm. Waking up from the coma I was physically alright and no long lasting physical damage, but mentally I was broken. Fortunately I got to say goodbye to my nan before she passed.
At the age of 22 I had lost my parents, grandparents and best friend. I had no living relative left. To help me cope Hannah and George, Hannah’s uncle and my boss, helped me get counseling after having a meltdown at work. Which is why I am sitting on a comfortable sofa spilling my darkest and deepest secrets to my psychologist, Dr. Brown.
“So how have you been of late Emma any episodes or nightmares?” She asks calmly.
“No, not any for several months now” I gladly note back.
I have been going to Dr. Brown for a year now and in the beginning it was rough. Nightmares and nervous breakdowns plagued my everyday, but over time Dr. Brown helped me find a coping mechanism, but also helping me deal with the issues and not letting me hide the issues.
I took up running and as a result I got toned muscles, but not like I was on the heavier side from the beginning. But I did not really care about my weight. I also fell into a routine; wake up, eat, go to work, work, have lunch with Hannah, work, go home, feed my cat, go for a run, eat dinner, shower, sleep and repeat. You might not say that is not much of a life, but this was my comfort and how I managed not crumbling into dust.
“And I guess you are still keeping up with your running?” Dr. Brown continue her questions I guess she is obliged to ask.
“Yes, usually every day with break on the weekends” I calmly state, having no secrets to hide.
“Good” She says and puts down her pen and notes.
Oh, this cannot be good I immediately think. I nervously begging to wring my hands and fingers together.
Noticing Dr. Brown states.“There is nothing to worry about Emma” She looks into my eyes to calm me down.
“I just want to give you another task to help you cope in everyday life, okay? Because I don’t want your routine to become an excuse to avoid life in the long run okay?” She holds her gaze on me.
I know she is right, but I am terrified of what task this will be. I nod nervously.
“Don’t worry, I am not giving you a big task. All I want you to do is slowly break up your routine. Like perhaps instead of going for a run you go out to eat with someone or perhaps go to the cinema” Dr. Brown smiles.
I breath out a nervous breath.
“I could do that” I smile back, knowing this task is manageable.
“Good” Dr. Brown smiles and looks at the time.
“I guess that is it for now and I will see you again in two weeks time. I hope by the session you have managed to slowly break up your routine, remember small steps at the time and not to push yourself too hard okay” She states.
I get up with a smile knowing full well by now not to push myself too hard. Did that, done that and with a far worse setback than I thought would happen.
“I know, small steps” I nod back leaving her office.
Breathing in the London air, which basically smell like fumes from the traffic and sweat from people. Tucking my scarf closer to my neck I head towards the local coffee shop. January is cold this year and holding a cup of warm coffee is the only thing I am looking forward to now.
Grabbing the hot coffee in a ‘to go’ cup I head back to my office. Ever since I had the meltdown in the office, George forced me to go to counseling during working hours so he knew that I was going.
I feel my bag vibrate and I know it is Hannah checking up on me, she has basically taken it upon herself to become my guardian. Checking if I am taking my medication for my depression and that I do not overwork myself. I love her, but checking upon me when I leave Dr. Brown’s office has become annoying.
Rummaging into my bag one handed, I stop at an intersection waiting for the light to turn green. I cannot find my phone due to having too much content in my bag. In my peripheral view I see the intersection is filling up with people and one guy is standing pretty close to me. His cologne enters my nose and all I smell is manly goodness.
“Fuck” I utter to myself.
Slightly opening my bag and peeking in I try not to be distracted by the man’s smell next to me. I hear the green light go off and I take a step into the road. But before I get to take another step I am quickly janked back by my elbow and fall into what I only recognise as a person’s chest. Two seconds later I see a bike fly by in front of me and I feel a shooting pain go up my leg from my ankle. I must have twisted somehow and sprained it.
“Fuck” and I clench my teeth, trying not to put pressure on my right foot.
“I am so sorry miss, but that bike was heading straight for you” My saviour says with the most manly voice I have heard in a long time, which sends a shiver down my spine.
I recognise the smell as being the same man that was standing next to me to be my saviour.
“Did you hurt your ankle?”
“Yes, I think it is only sprained though. So I will be fine, so you can let go now” I reassure him, prepared for the potential pain walking back to my office.
“If you are sure, then I will slowly let go of you” he says.
My saviour slowly lets go of me, but only to turn me slightly around and meet me halfway there so that we are facing each other. When I look up to look at the face of my saviour,
I am shocked to my core and inhaling a short breath.
I recognise those blue eyes anywhere.
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Authors note:
Hi, I have had this story in my mind for several years now. I wanted to share it with you guys. Hope you enjoy it.
Before I start publishing more chapters I wanted to know if people are interested in reading my story. So please let me know if you might be interested in reading more of this story.
