Preface
Grief strikes us all differently. I have experienced loss in many ways myself. Some taken suddenly, others I had months if not years to prepare for. At some point we all imagine what it would be like to lose a particular person or thing. What we, ourselves will be like if and when it happens. Some break from reality, the twisted and torturous grip of pain that we can't escape consuming us until we can't breathe. Others become so numb that they shut down, unable to connect to those around them. A chill washing over them and erasing all emotion. Placing them in a detached or catatonic type autopilot. I've seen both sides of this scale. Experiencing the self destruction, guilt, loathing, rage, yearning and emptiness. I once found myself wondering how I was able to feel so many things to such an emense degree and yet feel so utterly vacant. To be surrounded by so many offering support, and love, and warmth but still be so alone and out of touch that there was no belief in their sincerity. The unashamed tears I could see with my own eyes falling down their cheeks, to me seemed superficial.
I've been to that place where inner demons grow and feed off you. Draining what will-power that remains somewhere deep within. I've turned to substances for relief, becoming close friends with the lies I told myself about getting better. Spending quality time with the excuses for my actions and behavior after driving everyone away. The funny thing about grief is that you can't bandage it the way you would after cutting your finger while chopping onions, you can't put ice on it like a sprained ankle, there's no cast or brace for it like a broken bone. There's no surgery to cut out the tumor it causes. Many never recover from it, a change takes place in the fiber of their being. An alteration in their genetic make up.
In some cases the person or thing just leaves your life, going on with their own. Other cases they cease to exist beyond memory. One instance doesn't diminish the gravity of the other by any means. Loss is loss.
