Ethan
I drop my bags down next to my usual table and walk over to Mrs Night and hand her my detention slip. She raises her eyebrows at me when she sees what it’s for, but doesn’t push the subject.
I slump back into my chair and bring out my homework. Toby Roberts, who I usually sit next to in detention greets me with a smile and a nod. Just another day at the office.
It’s Maths homework I’m starting and answers just aren’t coming to me right this second, but we aren’t allowed our phones in detention. I suppose I should have remembered my calculator but I do the work anyway. I might as well avoid double detention tomorrow as well.
Yes, our school does that. I swear they just made that rule up just for me.
The hour crawls by, but it’s not like I’m not used to it. I look around the room, all the regulars are here... but there’s a new girl. She looks so scared right now and I really don’t know why. Detention is just boring, it’s not scary. I think I’ve seen her around school before.
I do actually have double detention today but the teacher on duty says she’s letting me off, she’s being nice.
Look, I’m not stupid. I know she’s saying that so she can go home, but I’m not complaining, I don’t really care, I just miss detention.
At least now I know she actually has a life unlike most teachers, some just do the double detention because they like watching me sitting there, doing nothing for two hours while they play some random game on their phone.
The scared looking girl quickly packs away her things and starts to head off.
“Hey,” I say to her.
She pauses for a second.
“Look, I really don’t want any trouble, please,” she says. She says it in matter of fact way, she’s not threatening anything.
“I wasn’t going to do anything, don’t worry,” I say. I’m not surprised she thinks I want trouble, most people are scared of me, I’m not really sure why. I’ve never done anything that bad.
I mean, 3 years ago I did go to juvy for a week or two because they’d thought I’d stolen something that I actually hadn’t. Long story short, everyone thought I'd done it, then had got away with it because of my great lawyer. Only my true friends would stick by me, so I found out that day, I had no true friends.
Which is annoying because everyone still thinks I did steal it, even some of my really close friends, but got away with it because of my really good lawyer.
I don’t even know how we got that lawyer.
“Ok, well bye then,” she dismisses, then sets off.
I don’t follow her. I mean, she’s not really worth it, and do I really care?
Walking home takes much longer than it usually does, I have no idea why and when I get home, mum’s already gone.
She usually goes at 5 and even when I have a detention I can still catch her before she leaves.
Thinking about it, I don’t actually know where she goes, I just know she does.
I’ve never questioned it before.
When I get home, I just slump onto my bed, and can’t be bothered to get up.
The delivery is succinct and from the first-person perspective but the way you wrote it I feel like you gave this 1st person a deeper perspective. It is really immersing. It could be from the use of short sentences. it really feels like a natural thought process about the moments of the day. No inner monologues yet.
“Maths homework”
Where Ethan is saying he wants to avoid double detention but in two paragraphs he says he has double detention. Maybe change that to avoid double detention again.
Also, saying that he’s surprised she thinks he wants trouble, but then going right back into saying he’s not surprised she thinks that. Maybe just cut the first part and go right into saying he’s not surprised she thinks he wants trouble.