15 Years

It has been 15 years since we have been together.

15 Years, 1 House, 2 Kids, I should feel happy.

As I am standing by the doorway of our bedroom, staring at you, you don’t even notice me. Laid down in our bed, looking and laughing at some random video online on your tablet.

Moving towards the closet to change you don’t even look at me.

15 years, the same routine over and over again. We have become so used to each other that we don’t even try or do anything new anymore.

This feeling of loneliness and sadness succumbs me more and more like a pit on the stomach that can’t seem to go away.

Laying down on the bed, you switch off your tablet, pull the covers, turn to the opposite side, and wait for me to switch off the light. As you do, every single night.

Just as I reach for it, a thought comes to mind:

"How I wish I could disconnect all of these feelings like turning off this light switch"

“I miss you!”, the words spill from my mouth without even realizing. My heart starts beating rapidly while my hands shake in anticipation of your reply. Our backs are facing each other, I can’t seem to move.

The seconds feel like hours, you don’t answer. Taking a deep breath, I finally sit up. As I approach you the loneliness and sadness strike again. You’re already sleeping, so profoundly, without a care in the world.

Staring at the ceiling for a few minutes I shift and turn the light switch off, like I do, every single night, in the last 15 years.