Ghost Stories.

"(Read the first story) I loved the idea, and with some tweaks, I think the first chapter could make an excellent story. I particularly liked the idea of the two snakes, and one taking revenge for the first one being killed. I'm afraid the story for me though doesn't seem to have a natural flow, and the writing seems stilted. There is a tip for making the writing have a more natural flow though, if you read it out at the end of each chapter, you can make sure that the words flow properly. You also have a lack of description, if you describe surroundings or people you can really draw the reader into the world. My last piece of advice is your paragraph lengths, when a new person talks you should have a new paragraph. A general rule is a paragraph shouldn't be any more than six sentences long. I hope that this feedback can help you, keep up the hard work, Sofia"