Sofia Corsi

I'm Sofia, aged 21 from West Sussex England. I'm Autistic and Proud of it! I'm working on a Latin Masters, and write HP fanfic in my free time. Little sisters Mimi and Eli. Also LunaLupin1999 on AO3

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Lifelike

You bring the characters to life, and I absolutely love it!
The Iliad itself is poetry, but a different kind. It is an epic, so if it a romance of any kind, it is a love of war. But this is beautiful and breathtaking. It also in a way your poetry displays Achilles and Patrolucus youth and playfulness
I'm a Classist myself, so I've read a lot of Homer. If you will allow me to recommend a book for you, take a look at the Heroides by Ovid, it's letters written from the Heroines in Greek and Roman myths to their lovers, letters between Penelope and Odysseus, Briseis and Achilles. I really think you'll enjoy them.
Well done again, keep up the great work, Sofia

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The Parvenu

You have set up an intriguing story here.
I like the idea of the matriarchy, and the women controlling their men. I also like the relationship between Kayin and his future wife, but I presume they won't be getting married now that Kayin is a crown prince?
There is clearly a lot of injustice in this kingdom, killing of Kayin's aunt, and the other girls parents, the fact that people are starving because of the war.
I hope that Kayin eventually is able to bring justice to the kingdom, keep up the great work, Sofia

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What I've Done to You

The stories in this collection are very different form each other, and show that you have a large range.
Quick point, your paragraphs are quite long in length, perhaps consider breaking them up into shorter paragraphs?
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Aberrant

Your writing is fantastic Michael!
I can really feel the women fear when they're trapped in the 'Let Us Help' prison. It was almost difficult for me to read, as you made the rape scenes feel so realistic.
I like the idea of the two mains knowing each other from dreams, like soulmates. It's a commonly used trope, but it's very well used here.
Keep up your amazing work, Sofia

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Great Start

In the first chapter, I can't help but remember a Monty Python joke. 'American Beer is like having sex in a canoe, f---ing close to water.'
All jokes aside, I like how you've actually been able to include some plot and some relationship development into erotic fiction.
A few points, your paragraphs are very long and could use shortening.
You say that each chapter is a short story, but actually, if you pad it about with a bit more description, the first story could actually be a short book on its own, maybe a novella?
One part that I find confusing, is how you keep on jumping between the past and the present, particularly towards the end. One moment Mark and Monica are in the canoe, the next it's their first time together months before, this jump happens several times. I understand why, but maybe just have one longer flashback, rather than many shorter ones?
I really hope this can help you, keep up the great work, Sofia

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Fantastic!

I loved this ongoing story from beginning to end!
I like the idea of being banished to the valley, but the two children can get out even if their parents can't. You have a very loving and sweet family at the heart of your sorry which is vitally important.
One of my favourite chapters so far was chapter 7, which was told from the point of view of the darkness and the things in the shadow.
This is fantastic work so far, please keep writing, Sofia

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A Masterpiece In Disguise

It's strange to think that I'm the first person to review or comment on this work, it's fantastic!
As the writer is from India, but I am English, there is a bit of cultural divide, choice of wording or certain customs. But the writing is so good, that within the first chapter that I stopped noticing it.
She makes her characters so relatable, that they seem real, and you feel her protagonists anger or joy or shame.
She even makes the villain/ex-husband a sympathetic character, which is a hard thing to do and deserves a lot of credit.
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia.

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Five Flavours

A fantastic start, looking forward to where it's going next!
Angel really does have a life from Hell and has done literally nothing to deserve it. Sexual assault, beating, child neglect, the list goes on.
A few points, you sometimes jump between times, present to future, back to present and then back to future. I know that you're trying to throw some mystery into the book, but the way you're writing it at the moment leaves the readers completely confused. There are two options here, you could leave clues in the present sections, or make the future sections less intense and confusing.
Also, you've decided to censor your own swearing, if you want to do that, that's fine, but it is not necessary.
You've got a really good start, keep up the good work, Sofia

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Truly Enchanting!

I loved it. What more can I say?
I'm nearly twenty-two, but I'm still a huge fan of fantasy, particularly Harry Potter and fairytales.
This whole story was gorgeous, incorporating elements from other fairytales into a story that could be read to a small child at bedtime, or enjoyed in one sitting by a twenty-two-year-old with equal amounts of pleasure.
It was simply spellbinding!
Keep up the fantastic work love! Sofia.

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Red

I read the first five chapters, and it's amazing!
You can feel Ariel's pain when she's being bullied, and her desire for revenge. She almost seems to just off the page.
Ariel might look like a Disney Princess, but she is anything but! She's bright and motivated and sticks up for herself, the kind of role model that girls should be having today.
Just a quick point, you sometimes switch between tenses, present and then past, which can be confusing. I usually just write in past tense all the way through, just an idea, you don't have to act on it.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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The Demon Wolf

I've read the first three chapter's, and one thing is very clear.
This writer has a very avid imagination. The creatures and land that they have created is fantastical, literally. This is a gift to be treasured.
But if they want to get their world into the heads of the reader, so they can visualise things, they need to explain things and describe them, rather than just saying that it happened.
They also need to be careful with tenses, don't use present and past tense in the same paragraph, and often the same sentence.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Beautiful!

There's only the first three chapters so far, but it's got so much potential. It's a bit like a cross between Romeo and Juliet and fantasy, and I love both those things so where can it go wrong?
The author needs to make their paragraphs shorter so they're easier to read, but other than that great start!
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Hauntingly Beautiful

I've read the first half, and am going to read the second half and give you more feedback later.
This book is amazing, I really feel for the little girl, and how scared she is at the beginning, particularly when she thinks the house is on fire.
I really like how you two different types of parents, the father is really understanding and sweet, whereas the mother.... Well I don't know quite how to explain it, I think that Allison means to be a good mother even if she's not, she just doesn't seem to have the time or energy for her own daughter. Not everyone is a born mother, but that nescelarily make her a bad person.
I like your idea of reincarnation, and how that;s portrayed.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sofia.

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In Love With The Loveless Lover

I read the whole thing in one sitting, I'm not really much of a reader of poetry, but it was gorgeous!
I particularly liked Stars, it was fantastic!
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia

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How Mine Ends

I read the first six chapters, and I love the concept.
The girl seems to be ill from a mysterious disease, but rather than wanting people to feel sorry for her and telling everyone, she just wants to make the most of life whilst she still can. That's a great attitude!
The relationships with her friends at school were lovely, like a second family as you said in the book.
One thing to improve on though, the length of your paragraphs. Your paragraphs are super long which makes it less clear for your audience to read as they might get a bit bogged down.
You don't have to cut anything out, just divide your paragraphs to make them shorter.

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Amazing Start!

Your book has a really good start, opening the book by finding out that the main character is going to die is a real page-turner.
Then she finds out that not only is she going to die, but her best friend and the man she's loved for years is engaged to someone.
A few quick points, therapy doesn't have an h in it.
Also, the last section is slightly confusing, as there's no explanation for it. I understand that this will probably be explained later in the book, but as of the end of the first chapter, it's confusing.
You've put too much content in the first chapter, which confuses your reader. This is nothing to do with your plot, your plot is great, just spread it out more, and explain things.

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Pageturning

This is so good, you can feel Pheonix's panicking when he starts at his new school.
To be honest, Pheonix seems like a bit of a git. Pranking his family with those water balloons that were filled with anything but water, getting his friends signed up for that school and not feeling even slightly sorry.
But, if you can get your readers to engage with and relate to a less than nice person, you are a brilliant writer. It also gives you the opportunity to maybe develop Pheonix into a nicer character later.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Fantastic!

I can't fault it. I've done a lot of reviews on here, and nearly all of them need some kind of fixing, bad grammar, not enough dialogue, not enough description.
But you have got it spot on!
You really feel the characters pain as they go through their journey in hell. You feel the fire burning them, and their life, and even will to live slowly ebb away from them.
My favourite part was the last chapter, where you managed to save them all. A happy ending in a story where I was starting to think it wouldn't be possible.
You're an amazing writer!
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia.

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Great Start

There's only the one chapter but it's intriguing. Quite a lot happens in that chapter though so it might be a bit much for the reader, you need more dialogue and description to pad out the story and draw the reader in more, it will help make the characters seem relatable to your readers, bring them into the characters heads.
I love the concept, it's clear that there is something more than slightly fishy going on here, I'm excited to find out what happens next!
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Revolutionary

I can feel a revolution coming in later chapters, and I love that!
I hate unjust or corrupt systems or governments in stories, and I can't wait to find out what happens.
Your main character is excellent. You manage to portray her isolation without actually saying it, showing rather than telling. She has hardly any friends and is distanced from her father. I'm interested to see where her relationship with her father goes.
I also love how headstrong she is, she's brilliant!
Also of course there are only a few chapters, but I'm so full of questions!
What does the tattoo mean, and how did it even happen?
Who was that strange man from the dream?
And why does her father want to meet with her?
Keep writing, your amazing! Sofia

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Amazing!

First of all, I didn't even realise this was a sequel until I finished reading it. This is actually really good because the author explains enough for this book to be a stand-alone story, without explaining too much that it's patronising or boring.
There's a lot of characters to deal with in the opening chapters, and that could be confusing, but not here. Each Royal had a distinct personality that makes them stand out from the others, and I love that.
I also love how the Royals seem like a real family, even if they're not actually related. Having solid relationships between the main characters when you're dealing with a large number of charters like this is of course essential.
Keep up the amazing work!! Sofia

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Spellbinding!

Engaging- Check
Sense of Humour- Check
Great Characters- Check
I only read the first few chapters, but there is much potential. I like the idea of how Tamara can save the world from global warming, and Fred makes me laugh.
The concept is amazing, and the writing is perfect.
Keep up the stellar work! Sofia

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Enchanting

There isnt very much of this book up yet, but its amazing.
I love the fairy tale element where the parents keep on referring to him as 'the prince.'
And I love the relationships between the family members which are realistic and engaging.
I can really feel Fate's fear about marrying someone she has never met.
Keep up the stellar work! Sofia

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Enchanting!

I love fairy tales and mythological creatures like fairies and dragons, so this story if very good from that point of view.
The author makes it clear that English isn't her first language, but their English is so good it isn't noticeable.
It would be interesting to see what you do with the rest of your work.
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia

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Amazing!

The couple of this book clearly love each other to pieces.
The only comment I have is, by the time the book starts the two women are already together. Maybe if you do add to this book at some point, you could have a prologue with how the couple met, or write about what they get up to in married life.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Amazing!

This is a childrens book, but I was enjoying it myself, so I can clearly see that it's a book parents would enjoy reading to or with their children
I'm not much for space books as I don't usually understand it, but the science was really well described in terms that I can understand, therefore the children would be able to understand it.
The characters are really good, and I love little Maddie.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Great Concept.

I like the idea of a rare disease where you only have a certain amount of time left, Thats really cool.
You have a really good way of describing depression in chapter three.
The dynamic between father and son is amazing.
And the spontaneous road trip, there's a lot of potential there.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Sweet November

If the Greek Goddess Aphrodite had written a book, it would have been this one.
I don't usually read erotic novels, so I don't really know what to expect.
But you've really thrown the reader in at the deep end which can be a good thing.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Amazing Start

I really liked the opening and would like to see where you go from here.
I love how you seem to have taken the traditional stereotype rom-com school story and pulled it to pieces.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Amazing Start

I read the first few chapters and it's really interesting.
The characters seem to be bursting with personality, and the world seems to be very well developed.
The character of Ella seems to be ethereally beautiful. She almost seems to be a walking angel. Kind and sweet. I hope she stays that lovely and that the world doesn't change her.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Amazing!

I only meant to read the first few chapters for a review swap, but found myself reading a quarter of the book!
The characters are really good, and I like the idea of trying to improve the present by changing the past.
I will come back to read the rest of the work another time.
Keep up the good work, Sofia.

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Intriguing

Your opening chapter was very good, and i'd love to see where you go with it.
It's a very intriguing concept in the first place, and that the births have happened differently suggests this generation is going to be even more special.
Keep writing, and keep up the good work!

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Amazing start

There's. only the first few chapters up, but it's got some amazing potential.
The characters are really good, that is, of course, one of the most important things, when you're starting a book, is to have engaging characters.
I particularly like the character of The Reaper and would love to see what you do with them.
There's a few little typos that need fixing but its not much to worry about.

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Refreshing change

I don't usually read poetry, but this was very good.
It was only a few lines, but the author managed to put so much soul and emotion into those few lines.
A little can sometimes say a lot, and that is clear here.
Keep up the good work!

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Good Start

I read the first few chapters, and it had a very good start, lots of exciting cliffhangers. The author also had a really good way of conveying the characters feelings, I could completely understand Henry's frustration at his parents.

I somehow feel though that in a way the author gives room much information in the first few chapters. It includes a lot of flashbacks, and at one point a flashback within a flashback so it's slightly confusing for the reader to keep track of Henry's relationships.

There is also the problem of the author's vocabulary choices. Sometimes the vocab they use are too formal and sophisticated, twenty-year-old students don't talk like that no matter how rich they are. And sometimes the word choice is grammatically incorrect.

This can, however, all be fixed with editing, the most important thing when starting a story is a plot. If you have a good plot, then everything is just polishing and can come later. Keep up the good work.

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Totes Cool!

I've read the first few chapters, and it seems really imaginative and well thought through.

The author has a really good way of writing about teenagers. The way they talk and think, the slang.

I also. love how with the sickness in this book, it starts showing up slowly just on the nails which is really good.

I also like with the Griffins, how they like to pick their riders by personality, I think that's a really good idea.

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Very Good

I like what you've done here. You've got a good start. The characters seem to jump off the page and the descriptions are really good.

The bit that was really good for me, was the flashback scene when Aria cut her hair, I could almost see it happening in real life and I could fell Lorelai's shame and anger.

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The Wrong Train

There are only the first few chapters up, but the prologue is certainly intriguing I'm interested to see how Sophies gets to that point.
I like how there are two potential love interests for Sophie, the jock and the scholar, personally I would usually go for the sensitive bookish guys when given a choice, but it will be interesting to see what happens with Sophie.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Darkness all Around

Firstly, the idea for a high school where people mysteriously disappear or die is intriguing in the first place, especially as the town keeps on trying to cover it up as suicide or accidents.
I love your four main characters, they're fantastic and full of life and adventure, they're going to have a lot of fun, I can tell. Also, they talk and act like teenagers, which not everyone manages to do with their writing.
There are a few grammatical errors, but those can be easily fixed, and your sentences are sometimes over wordy, especially some of the dialogue. The big thing that keeps on jumping out though, is your use of AM and PM, sometimes you use them the wrong way around. Again this can be fixed easily, and it doesn't affect the plot.
Keep up the great writing, Sofia

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An Artists Temprement

Having been on this site for six months, I've learnt that artists particularly writers, can be emotionally unstable, self-conscious and most importantly vulnerable. I am all these things personally, and I can see these traits in your protagonist.
You have been able to portray writers and painters vulnerability in such a way, that I almost wanted to give him a hug. Not wanting to go out, or go and talk to people at parties makes complete sense to me as I have high social anxiety, but you have portrayed that in a really good way.
I will definitely be interested in reading any more works of yours, especially if it's a longer work.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sofia

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Rose

(Read up until the end of chapter eight)
I like this book, and how it has all the classic traits of a horror novel, whilst still being suitable enough for a child of eleven or twelve to read because there isn't too much violence or blood.
I love all the ways that you make the town seem creepy, the weird school rules, not being able to leave, her landlord changing age overnight. All of this is very creepy and very cool, not to mention Damien who is just a force all to himself!
You've got a fantastic start here, and I'm sure you will be a great author.
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia.

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The Intriguing Neighbour

There are only four chapters posted so far, but it's very good.
I like how Lars thinks how everyone is beneath him, it kind of reminds me of Mr Darcy from early on in Pride and Prejudice.
I find this intriguing because of the mystery behind Peter and Lars, I want to know more about them!
Keep up the good work, Sofia.

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An Angel in Disguise

Firstly, the angel in this story is Alma, not Ariel.
Secondly Narcissus? Ha! Brilliant!
I like the concept, and your writing is very easy for the reader to understand, and your characters are very relatable.
Your paragraphs are longer than they could be, could you split them into smaller ones?
Alma is a sweetie, and I hope that Ariel learns to appreciate her.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Child of the Flowers

(reviewed up until the end of chapter three)
The characters in this story are fantastic, I can feel Skye's pain when she decides to leave her friends and life behind.
I love Rhyse (sorry if that's spelt wrong) as I'm quite bookish and i'd love to cool and collected and logical like him in a crisis.
The chapters are quite long, possibly split them up into shorter ones?
I'm probably going to come back to read more later because what I've read so far is fantastic.
Keep up the great work, Sofia.

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Rock and Roll Sweethearts!

The guys in this book are so sweet, they're famous but they don't let it get to their heads, and they seem really down to earth.
I read up until the end of chapter six and loved every word.
You provided a lot of backstory in the first few chapters. When some authors do this, it's boring, and not easy to read, but you did a wonderful job.
Your characters are fantastic, and I can manage there's going to be a lot of fun scenes later. My favourite bit so far was definitely when he was in the diner, and they put one of the band's songs on, and he couldn't help but join in. It was just so adorable!
Keep up the great work, Sofia.

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Just As You Are

Firstly, from a family of redheads, I love the red-headed characters in your book, and I love your cover it's gorgeous.
The entwining plots between the twins and the other boy are confusing in the first few chapters, but later in they do make sense.
The main girl actually reminds me of Lily Potter from the Harry Potter series, and it's not just the Lillium thing. They are both red heads who are more than ready to stand up for themselves.
keep up the great work, Sofia.

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The Unforged Crown

I've read up until the end of chapter six, and the characters themselves seem interesting, and well developed.
The problem I am finding though is that there are so many of them. The prologue didn't really make sense, and just as I was starting to get used to the characters, the POV, and the setting changed entirely.
The chapters with Marlow, despite the POV change, in a way actually made more sense to me, as I could sense the plot and the confusion with Alex getting chosen as the next king over someone else.
You have a very well developed world, but you are doing a lot of name dropping of characters we hardly know. The characters all know each other which is understandable, but the reader doesn't. Introduce the characters slowly, rather than all at once, and the book should be much easier for the reader to understand and enjoy.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Xavier

I have played D&D a few times with my friends, and this story is highly reminiscent of it. Guild leagues, learning spells, killing monsters completing quests.
I read until the end of the fifth chapter, but what I read so far was very good, there is action but not too much of it. The characters are well developed, especially Xaviar and Thea.
I love how God is not only an attractive woman, but she has a sarcastic quip about her which makes her more

'human' and relatable.
What I've read so far is fantastic, keep up the great work, Sofia

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Kevin is a Gem!

Kevin, although he tries to hide it is a little sweetheart.
I'm sure his 'girlfriend' means well, but Kevin deserves someone better. Perhaps they will grow to love each other, but Kevin needs a girl or of course a boy who fully appreciates him.
I love how Kevin plays the trumpet, and how he has been offered the job playing in the restaurant which I'm sure will be much less soul-crushing than his cafe job.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Poetic

The language is beautiful and poetic, and everything is so detailed you feel like you're part of the world.
The incorporation of your language is lovely, and the odd word would be good but having the majority of the dialogue not being in English is quite distracting for the reader.
The main problem I have is the plot, I read all the way through until chapter seven, but I couldn't follow the plot, I wasn't quite sure what if anything was going on.
Please don't give up, you have a magical way of using words, Sofia

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Imperfectly Beautiful

This story does have its imperfections, with occasional grammatical errors, but it somehow makes the story even more beautiful.
I feel terrible for Venus and the way that she has been treated by her family, and the fact that she doesn't have any friends.
I can't believe her Mum set up a marriage for her, without even telling her! That is just awful!
I hope things get better for Venus, she deserves some love in her life.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Complicated indeed

This story has got a fantastic start!
I love how you manage to tell the same day, and the same meeting even from two completely different perspectives. Some people try this, and it's a bit boring because you're reading the same thing twice, but this is certainly not the case here.
it is also interesting how the woman is having an affair with a married man, and the man left his long term girlfriend because she was having an affair. That makes a lovely contrast.
Your characters are wonderful, and I can't wait to see their relationship develop.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sofia

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All Of Me

Fantastic start!
I know the insecurity that a single mum can feel, especially if their husband cheated on them. My Mum brought me and my sister up on her own and has struggled with trusting men or finding a partner ever since.
Jane and Asher both seem like great characters, yes they are middle-aged, but they are still full of life.
I'm interested to see where this story goes next, but I think maybe you should include more of Libby and Matty, maybe they could get to know Asher a bit?
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Lily

This is a very good start to an interesting story.
When Lily was being abused, particularly by her brother or Antonia in the bedroom, I could feel the disgust and hatred running through my body.
I like how Lily and her mothers lives almost seem to run parallel, both abused and raped, both wanting to run away and kill themselves, but Lily finds the strength to go on which is remarkable!
I was slightly confused by your choice of cover, until the last two chapters. The cover is beautiful, but the werewolves don't come into the book until quite far in. Perhaps you could put Lily herself on the cover rather than the wolf?
There are grammatical issues, and the wording is sometimes slightly stunted, but it doesn't affect the story which is important. I'm impressed with how good your English is for someone who doesn't have it as their first language.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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The Syderstone Ghost

I've read the first four chapters, and it's fantastic so far.
I like how you alternate between the present day and the past in the book. It's well done because you provide context for the story, but the story is still interesting because of the chapters in 1950's and you keep the plot ongoing.
I notice later in the book you sometimes use these chapters for diaries or letters which I think could work really well.
I love the characters of the Vicar, and Charlie and think they'll be lots of fun. I also hope that the great aunt makes a proper appearance later as she sounds brilliant.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sofia

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Redamancy

Enchantingly beautiful!
I've read the first five chapters, and it's wonderful. I love all your main characters, they all seem lovely, and I almost feel sorry for Regina as I feel bad for her knowing that Elaine will proablaby get Nickolai.
You can also feel Elaine's tiredness and her exhaustion. in your writing.
Please keep up the writing, Sofia

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Flower of Death

I love the concept, but everything is quite complicated and long-winded.
There is a lot of detailed descriptions, with no real explanations why. For example, the first few chapters, are the exact same event from a different point of view, but you never actually tell the reader that the POV has changed.
There is a lot of potential here though, so keep up the work, Sofia

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Wow!

It's got a fantastic start!
I love how you've taken all the tropes of the classic 'mean girl' pretty, clever, popular, perfect boyfriend, but you've made her the protagonist.
There are so many questions going on in my head, why have the boys been fighting? Has someone been horrible to Keisha?
To be honest, I'm probably more of a Keisha as I'm a big introvert, but I can see your protagonists point of view clearly, and I'm invested in where the start is going to go.

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Very Eery

There are only two chapters up so far, but what has already been posted is very eery and haunting. I am also worried about what has happened to Tessie, especially after reading the blurb.....
I hope that Freya turns out alright, and she eventually manages to get away from her mother.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Astra

First off, I love the cover, it's fantastic and looks exactly like your protagonist.
I like how the reader can feel Astra's confusion, they know as little as she does, and you really manage to portray Astra's feelings of confusion and isolation.
There's only four chapters so far, but it seem's like a fascinating read.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Captivating

This story is very good so far.
To the point where it's page-turning, I've got about five books I'm meant to be reviewing, but I kept on telling myself just one more chapter.
Quite a lot of erotica, has literally no plot whatsoever, it's just constant sex. There is a plot here, and deep down, who can resist a good old love triangle?
A few points, the first section is set in America, but until they went to LA airport, I thought it was set in India, you should probably make that more clear to your readers.
Point number two, sometimes you write, that Kiara and her friends talked for a while. What would really be useful to get to know the characters, especially when you're first meeting the characters is if you actually include the dialogue.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Partners in Arson

I've read what already been posted, and I've got to say it's fantastic!
I've done a lot of reviews on here, and a lot of them have grammar mistakes, or plot holes, or are just difficult to read in general, but I don't have this problem here.
The plot is intriguing, the dual point of view, and alternating between chapter is very well carried out, and there is an air of mystery. Why did Ethan go to prison? Why does Amelia not want any friends? And where in the world are Ethan and Ellie's parents??
As well as all this, I found the book refreshing, because the book is clearly written by a British author, as they use Mum and maths, as well as several other things. I have no problem's with American's or American works, I've spent a lot of time in the states, but as I'm English myself I do sometimes find it slightly jarring to read math instead of maths and so on.
Keep up the fantastic work, Sofia

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Emma

First of all, Emma is one of my favourite names, my best friend is called Emma, and she is a strong first independent woman, and a force to be reckoned with. Your Emma reminds me a lot of her!

I do quite like love to hate relationships, which is what is probably going to happen wth Niall and Emma as they've been forced together.

The only main problem I have, is the number of names and characters. Each character seems to have several completely different names that you use for them. For example Emma, is also Sky and Emily is also Maddie.

This does not cause a problem with the plot, it just makes it confusing for the reader especially in the first few chapters. Just something to bear in mind.

Keep up the wonderful work, Sofia

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March

I read the first five chapter, and the plot, punctuation and grammar is really good. The reader really feels thrown into the chaotic world that she writes about.

A few points, the teenagers don't act like teenagers, they act like vindictive people in there twenties. This might be the point to make them seem really mature and untrusting, but they are still teenagers. The only people who don't seem like that are the Drama group, who are just a bunch of darlings!

There is one thing that makes the story hard to follow, there are a lot of names, and characters are thrown around. Each chapter is a different POV or a different club. Pick one person or club and stick to it, this will make it less confusing and convoluted for the reader.

Keep up the Great work Amy, yours always Beth XOXO

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Prince Desmond

This book was just amazing, the world-building, the characters, the relationships. I loved it. I loved all of it.
I read twenty chapters, and I usually only read about ten for a review swap, but this book was so good, I just had to keep reading, to the point where I lose track of the time.
I would finish reading it now, but it's half-past ten. and I'm dropping off to sleep, but I knew I wanted to leave the review tonight.
When a book is good, that it makes you lose track of the time, or try and fight off sleep it has to be something pretty magnificent!
Keep up the fantastic work! Sofia

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Black Beauty

This book is fantastic, it is not only a book with a powerful, loveable, relatable minority main character.
She is also not the skinniest girl, but she is big and proud of it! There are even several times in the book, where the writer says that bigger girls are sexier.
I love this whole story and different peoples reactions to your main character.
To be honest, though, my favourite character is Manny, it must be the quarter Italian in me, but I would do anything to be his Principessa.
Keep up the amazing work, Sofia

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Love Kills

Great start!
You've thrown your readers in at the deep end, but you've got lovely relatable characters that jump off the page. You also add humour, which makes the characters even more loveable.
A few points, I personally don't think you need the characters page. It's not a play, your readers are meant to learn all those things about the characters throughout the book. Point number two, the chapters are quite short, add some description between the dialogue and you've got yourself a winner!
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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The Lightning Seeker

This book is stellar, literally. I use that word a lot, but in this book, the main character actually gets to fly through the sky and stars which is amazing.
The characters are well thought through and detailed, they literally jump off the page, and seem to invite you to go on an adventure with them.
I only read the first ten chapters, but it was more than enough to realise what a masterpiece this really is.
Keep up the fantastic work! Sofia

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Pageturning

This story combines all my favourite elements of books.
I love Greek Mythology (I'm a Classic's student), and I also love fairytales, so this is perfect. It reminds me of all my favourite stories, the Snow Queen, and particularly Beauty and the Beast, but you've managed to add a modern twist to all of them. For example, instead of Hades being king of the Underworld, he's a Mafia boss. This is just genius!
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia

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Intoxicating

I'm not really much for erotica, and I usually hate books centred around sex. Mainly, because there is no plot to it.

But this was just fan-flipping-tastic! The chemistry between Sofie and Philip was just amazing, and the way that they interactede with each other.

I like the idea, of flipping the stereotype and having male escorts rather than female, and Philip isn't just a sex god, but much more than that, he's an intellectual who you can have a real conversation. Yes he has an amazing body, but he's more than that.

I love what you've written so far, keep up the great work, Sofia (not the undercover journalist.)

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Echoes of Midnight

There are only two chapters up so far, but the story is really interesting so far.
It kind of reminds me of a cross between Dracula, Phantom of the Opera and Beauty and the Beast.
I'm really excited to see where the rest of the book goes.
The one thing I have got is, the paragraphs are super long, which makes it much harder to head. If you split up the paragraphs a bit, it'll make all the difference.
Keep up the great work! Sofia.

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Fantastic!

You have a real way of making relatable characters.
Kennan dies within the first chapter, but it still nearly brought me to tears.
I like how Rownan develops from an outright git, and starts being nice. Hopefully, eventually Paige will realise it's better to have a man in real life, than a dream boy she hasn't actually seen in eight years.
As for criticism, your chapters and paragraphs are very long, so you might want to split them up a bit.
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia.

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Fan Flipping Tastic!!

It was amazing!
I almost can't think of anything else to stay, it's practically flawless!
The characters, the plots, just brilliant.
The only slight problem I have is the cliffhangers. The occasional cliffhanger is good, but overusing them can ruin the effect.
Also, you use the same sentence at the beginning of the next chapter, as you did at the end of the last. This is slightly unnecessary.
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia.

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Great Start

I love all of the characters, particularly the little girl who isn't allowed junk food. She is absolutely adorable and I love her!!
I like the idea of asking questions and feedback at the end of each chapter.
Your paragraphs are a bit long, so you might want to shorten some of them. You don't need to lose any content, just break them up a bit maybe.
Keep up the great work! Sofia.

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Zany Destiny

First of all congratulations on starting writing a book. I know personally how hard that is, am I'm a writer myself.
The writing at the moment is, to be honest, a bit clunky. There are words missing so things aren't grammatically correct, If this was only occasional, it wouldn't matter as much, but these mistakes are quite frequent, so it distracts the reader from enjoying the book as much.
My suggestion to you is start editing, perhaps get Grammarly? I use that site myself and it works really well. Also, if you read the work out loud, it can help you realise if there's a word missing, or if it sounds right.
Don't give up, and keep at it. Good luck! Sofia

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Nario

I'm a quarter Italian, so my Mum's always laughed that my Dad's family are secretly part of the Mafia!
I love this story, particularly Milan, I feel so terrible for her.
One of the main problems I can find, is grammatical problems. But that of course can be fixed with editing.
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Flawless

I have read several sets of poetry in the last few days for review swaps, and I know that however much I practise or write, my prose will never be anywhere near as good as your poetry. In a few short lines, you can change someone's opinion on something or touch their heart.
Your poems are amazing, some of them are only a few lines long, but they get their point across and they don't need to be any longer!
Keep up the fantastic work! Sofia

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His Magnifence.

This book really is magnificent, and I don't have a power-hungry dictator forcing me to say that.
I read the first eleven chapters for a review swap, but this really is extraordinary.
I like the contrast between the chapters that have the young Jesse as a POV, and of course the others with the Great Magnificence himself. He is well-deserving of the nickname You Know Who, which is more than slightly reminiscent of Voldemort, but rightly so Voldemort could learn lessons from this guy!
Keep up the fantastic work! Sofia

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Jules

This book is off to a fantastic start! One of the most important things, when you start writing, is to have relatable characters so that the readers can get into their heads.
You have managed to do this, I could feel Jules and Taylon's misery and suffering at the hands of their uncle.
I know this is probably me being optimistic, but I hope that life gets better for the twins in later chapters, and Miguel gets whats coming to him.
Keep up the good work! Sofia.

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Fantastic!

I can't fault it. The story is amazing so far, you feel for the two characters loss with the aftereffects of the Tsunami, but you can already see the chemistry slowly building between them. I liked your use of a flashback in chapter three, it wasn't too long, but it did help explain the relationship between Isabelle and her husband.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Page Turning

This excerpt was fantastic, from beginning to end.
I loved the flashback, as it really made the reader feel sympathy for Wylan. He wants to do the right thing, he won't kill the Indians just because he's been asked to.
The summary of the story sounds really interesting, my only regret is that there isn't anymore posted on this site.

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The Final Scene Of Our Movie

I don't usually read much poetry, more of a prose girl myself. You are a really good poet, keep up the fantastic work! Sofia

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Mr CEO's Ex-Wife

This book so far was fantastic!
You can really feel Sarah's pain. I hope that life gets better for her and that Maxwell and Angela get their just desert. I don't know why but I really like Damien.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Really Good

I don't read much poetry, and I know it's all supposed to be about different peoples interpretations, but I think that first poem was meant to be about rumours and gossip in the first part, and then death. This could mean to me either the death of a rumour, or death to gossip, or of course gossip costs lives.

My interpretation could of course be completely wrong, but it got me thinking which is what poetry is meant to do. Keep up the great work! Sofia.

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Wow!

That was amazing!
I think that if you had made this more than a short story, it wouldn't have worked so well. It was fantastic! you managed to cram so much emotion and feeling into such a short story.
There weren't are grammar problems that I could see.
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia

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Great Start

This is a really good start, there are only four chapters up obviously so there isn't much to go off, but quite a lot has already happened. So the action is quite fast-paced so far.
As I say there are only four chapters, but I'd like some more character development in the future. This could be achieved by describing the emotions of the characters or how they're feeling during a crucial scene.
Ryker is a right piece of work, I hope the reader eventually gets to find out more about how he started on his life of crime, and possibly he gets a redemption arc.
I'm also quite curious about, what could have been so bad for your protagonist to want to hack someone's phone.
Amazing start!
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia

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Obey

I like the idea here, but to be honest I was a bit confused. I only read the first two chapters, so it probably gets easier to read as you get further in.
There are too many characters in the first chapter, you've thrown your readers in at the deep end, which can be a good thing, but there are so many characters and names that's it difficult to keep track of them all.
With this mind though, the dialogue and playful banter between the characters makes it clear how easy and open their friendships are.
The only other thing is, your chapters are quite long. You don't have to take anything out to fix this, just break them into smaller chapters.

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The Fued

Fram reading the first two chapters, you've got some really good characters.
The only thing I will say is that its a bit strange for you to include Andromeda's writing, as it's a completely different book with in a book that already exists. It takes away from the plot of the main story and can be confusing for the readers.

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There Are No Faults In Our Stars

I only meant to read the first few chapters of this for a review swap, but I found myself reading the whole thing in one sitting.
It was fantastic, amazing. Just perfect.
The way you have written this, normal things such as getting coffee or going on a date seem really special. This can happen when a couple have a very special connection.
I know that for those six weeks, Brooklyn and Hugo fit more in love then most people can into a whole lifetime.

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Muy Bueno!

This was fantastic!
I love your use of Spanish, but it's not been overly used.
The opening chapter was fantastic, really draws you in.
The characters are really good, they're compelling and relatable.
A few points, I think you've put a bit too much in the summary, it's almost a small chapter.
Also, some of your paragraphs are overly long which can make it difficult for your audience to read.

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Great One shot

For a short story it's really difficult to portray the mood of the characters and the plot in a thousand or so words.
But you've done a really good job, there is a lot of tension between the married couple, and they're both showing that they're worried about the baby in different ways, but I think when it arrives they are both going to love it to pieces!
Just a quick point, you've put a lot of background and information in the summary, a lot of which doesn't get brought up in the story. You might want to think about that.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Really good

I like the idea, how they can help each other with their powers, how she can grant wishes and they can both talk to ghosts, especially Allan he cracks me up.
You've got really good characters which is vital.
Your grammar and punctuation needs some work, but that's already in the other reviews. Sometimes you somehow miss letters in words and just put a space instead. This is all of course just editing.
The only big thing I found that was offputting was how you end chapters. Having a cliffhanger is fine, but you don't need them every chapter.
Also ending the chapters with ... doesn't really make sense. You could just leave them out.

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WOW!

This was amazing!
It took a while to get started because in the first two chapters the ages of the two main characters keep changing. This makes it slightly confusing for the reader, but it does of course give us the vital backstory to 'the disease.'
The reader can understand and feel the protagonists fear or confusion at vital parts of the story which is vital, you almost feel as if you're in her head. That's really hard to do, but you've done an amazing job at that.
I really want to know whats going to happen next, as you've left it on a cliffhanger.
Keep up the stellar work, Sofia

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Fantastic!

This story so far is just amazing! I can't find any faults.
I love how you take the characters that already exist, and the plot that's already there, and include them but write your own story.
Malfoy seems like a right git, but your main character seems to know that and is trying to avoid him when he can.
I also love how you've got a character with the Slytherin traits ambition, cunning and all that, but he doesn't seem to care about peoples blood like other people.
I hope he gets to spend some more time with Harry, Ron and Hermione later in the book.
Keep up the stellar work! Sofia

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Great opening

I read the first five chapters, and it's great!
So far with the twelve teenagers stuck on an island, it seems like a cross between a horror story and an older version of Lord of the Flies.
I love how when they're upset they all talk over each other, which is realistic, not letting anyone finish their sentences.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Interesting start

I like the plot, it's fascinating and the characters seem to jump off the page.
The paragraphs are a bit long but that can be fixed.
There is quite often a time jump in the middle of a chapter. Whenever you need a time jump, might I suggest a new chapter?
Your book seems to be overly descriptive. Description is important, but if there is too much description it takes away from the action of the story.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Gripping

This was a really good start!
I felt how scared Ravine was during the Ravager raid, and when trying to escape.
I also really felt her guilt, thinking everyone getting captured was her fault. I also really felt her love for her family, particularly her little brother.
It would be really interesting to see what you do next.
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Wow!!

I loved it!
I loved how Carter is so traumatised that she can't talk. It will be interesting to see if she talks later.
I hope that Caine becomes more kind and understanding later, and I love Connor, he's great!
Keep up the great work, Sofia

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Pageturning

This was amazing.
I only read the first five chapters, as it wasn't my usual cup of tea. But it's really good. You make the heroine's hatred really clear, and you feel for her.
She's planning murder, but you still feel for her, especially in the second chapter when her father dies.
keep up the great work! Sofia

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Spellbinding!

I loved this, it was amazing!
I really liked how the difference between the two mains was reflected through tier powers. One is water and air and is fairly calm and collected, whereas the one with the fire powers is out of control and slightly reckless.
I was only supposed to read five chapters, but I got so hooked I read about nine!
You've got a real talent, I really felt for Liam when his Mum died.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Fanfictionalized

This has a great start, the relationships between the bandmates and the twin sisters are spot on.
I'm really curious of course, how much more FanFiction does Connor read? How are the twins involved? Why does Cameron keep ring pops in his pocket?
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Amazing opening!

There's only the first few chapters up so far, but wow! Just Wow!
I like how you chuck the readers in at the deep end with the action-packed prologue. But then the first chapter is such a contrast, meeting the main character and her friends. They've got really good relationships so it will be interesting to see what you do with that in later chapters.
And then ending the first chapter, with the heroine being told that this man has been looking for her for three years! Just amazing.
Keep up the stellar work! Sofia

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Great Concept!

I love the concept here, making the man work to find out the girls name and number.
There is a lot of chemistry between Alivia and Nick which is of course important.
A few points, Alivia if she is English, would call her mother Mum not Mom. That's just a British thing.
The main problem though is your paragraphs. They are too long and quite confusing. They're confusing because more than one person talks in the same paragraph or even the same sentence. If you can fix this, it will make the story flow much better, and make it easier for the reader to read.
But of course, the important thing here is having the right plot, characters, concept. Which you do they're amazing! The stuff you need to look at is technical stuff which can be easily fixed.
Keep up the good work, Sofia.

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Great Concept!

The going back in time to save the future trope is of course not new, but from what I've read you've got a very good start.
I read the up to the end of the second mission and I love how well she gets on with her Dad, having good relationships with your parents is important for characters.
The only slight problem I have is that you have almost too much description. There isn't too much dialogue, and you give a lot of background. This can be overwhelming for the reader.
Keep up the good work! Sofia.

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Wow!

How you can fit such a deep, emotional story into three short chapters I don't know, but it was bloody fantastic!
You could feel the pixies heartbreak through the story, and you really feel for her.
I really thought she was going to get Cain at the end!
Keep up the amazing work! Sofia

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Fantastic Characters

The characters in here are fantastic.
All my stories are about family and their connection.
From reading the first few chapters, it's clear that the family connections in this book is amazing.
A few points, you've thrown your readers in at the deep end which can be great, but you seem to have given too much information at once which can be confusing.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Great Characterization!

The characterization of Saffie is great, I loved it!
I have high anxiety myself, so from reading the first few chapters she's really relatable to me. the way she feels about things and her reactions are spot on!
You also have a way of explaining your fantasy world and the way it works to your reader without overloading with too much information.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Great!

I love the way that this author, makes mythological creatures like Elves seem like humans and makes them really relatable.
The chapters aren't too long so they're a manageable length and the characters are lovely.
Keep up the great work! Sofia

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Good Start

This is a really good start for your first book.
The character is really relatable, you have to have a good character if you want the first-person P.O.V.
I have one point though, the way you format your paragraphs is confusing. They are very long paragraphs, and different characters are talking in the same paragraph. A good rule is, a different paragraph for a different person talking.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Cant Wait for more!

This was really bloody good!
Not too much in each chapter, so you can get really in-depth to the feelings of your characters.
Flash backs are really to get wrong, but they are spot on. No explanation necessary, they just work.
I can't wait for more to be posted, as I love the Romans!
Keep up the really good work, Sofia

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Baby Vampire

There is a blood-sucking baby in this book, which is horror enough on its own, as most babies are merely life-sucking.
The plot is really good, and you can more than feel the desperation of the main character.
Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Page turning

I have been doing about ten review swaps over the last few days, but I saved this book till last as it I wanted to really savour it.
It was more than worth it, this story was amazing!
The characters jumped off the page and I could really feel the chemistry.
I was nearly crying at the end, but then there was that one last twist when I wasn't expecting it!
You should write more, it was amazing!
Keep up the good work, Sofia

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Really Good

I don't usually read this kind of thing, space travel and intergalactic worlds.
I've read the first few chapters, and I can see how some people are going to love it!
The world and the characters are exceptionally well developed. This is, of course, vital, because no matter how good your plot is if your characters arent any good the plot won't work.
Good luck, and keep up the good work, Sofia.

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I loved it!

Wow! Just wow!
I loved the opening. The way that Alex became a werewolf because he was trying to help someone else, all the families reactions.it was just amazing!

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Intresting Start

I've read the first two chapters that have been published, and it's intriguing.

The world is very developed, and all the characters are full of personality. It will be interesting to see what you do with the rest of the story.

There are a lot of characters thrown at you at once though and there aren't many explanations and a lot of viewpoint changes which can be confusing. I would suggest, making your chapters shorter, new chapter for a new viewpoint maybe?

My only other note is that your summary at the beginning is very interesting, but it has nothing to do with the first few chapters.

Keep up the good work! Sofia

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Really Good Start

I get where you're coming from, messed up family all that.
I've been through it, most people these days have been through it.
I've read the chapters that are already up, it's a good start.
The characters are relatable, and although I do feel that Elaine is manipulative and selfish (like she's supposed to) I still do feel sympathy for her!
It will be interesting to see where you go from here, Good luck, Sofia

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Great Start!

I read the first three chapter and it was really interesting!

There was a lot of world-building and the characters are really well developed.

The only advice I have is that the first chapter is slightly confusing. There is too much description at some points. Also, the characters for the majority of the first chapter are referred to as him or her. If you use their names, it could be less confusing for the reader.

Keep up the good work!

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Amusing

I read the first couple of chapters, and it was very funny. I loved the part where she thought there were ghosts when it was actually just people doing it.

The dialogue of the young students is spot on, some people have university students talk to sophisticated, which whilst they're talking amongst themselves they don't usually do.

Well done, keep up the good work!

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Really intresting

I read the first four chapters, and it was really exciting, lots of mystery and intrigue.

I really liked how strong and empowered the female characters were which is always a good thing.

The grammar and vocab were really good, and the world and characters were really imaginative and developed. Keep up the good work!

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A Perfect Recipe

This was amazing!

All the characters are really good. Salem is trying so hard to hide her dark powers, but they keep on trying to spill out which I love. Leo though, he is brilliant, so caring and kind, and understanding, just what she needs.

I also love that, in this book the author is really good at portraying anxiety. The heroine is worrying about things in earlier chapters but in a realistic and relatable way. I have high levels of anxiety myself, so I know whats it's like and the authors' portrayal was spot on!

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Good opening

The first chapter was really good. Lots of suspense and scary. I don't usually read horror, but I can understand its appeal to some people.

It was very well-paced, and you did a good job of introducing the main character and setting up the story. There was enough background for the heroine's motives to be understandable, without me feeling too overwhelmed with information.

You were amazing at depicting her emotions. For example, I could really feel your heroines rage when she was talking to the lady over the phone

The grammar was good, and the vocab was well used.

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Great start!

This was a really good start to a story.

The sibling dynamics between Melody and her two older brothers in amazing. You can tell there's a lot of love there.

It would be interesting to see where the story goes from there!

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Really good

Considering that English isn't your first language this is really good!

The plot is gripping. I'm don't usually read Mafia romance but I can see why this might appeal to some people. The characters are very well developed, and there are lots of good cliffhangers.

The grammar and punctuation could use a bit of work but that's all editing so that can be fixed. Also occasionally you use the wrong word for something, the one that jumps to mind is 'browny'. A browny in English is usually used as a term for someone with dark skin, a brownie on the other hand is a type of chocolate cake.

Keep up the good work, you're a really good writer, Sofia

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