Chapter 1
In the beginning, there was this unwanted baby. Who in turn into an unwanted adult. Who in turn became a reject from society. Then went to become a trio in a love triangle who was then cast as a victim. In this role play, she had to be and then it stuck on her like glue and a seeming end to her needs. Her needy self was never met it was met with disaster and disdain.
When one is poor blood is the only thing one has. The suckers of blood are never far when they drain you they leave. Midnight calls as the foxes mate and mar the silence and they come and come to join them. Have I groveled enough and that matters to me. Has she groveled enough no such thing nothing so honest or innocent naïve she is the key to our success.
"Why?"
"The muse and amusement."
"This con will it never stop?"
"No."
Pain followed her everywhere. Sadness does not draw people in it propels them away.
She lost her cast then became a cast-off. There was not much to do but to crave a self who was not offensive to anyone. What else can a woman do who now has nothing to look forward to?
Professional help came and meant nothing and then more professional but what is the use when empathy is never there? When a professional is not family when the family says you are not family.
When there is nothing but distracted selfish needy people who take and never do much else. What is the use of today's people who do not mean to hurt at all?
It is alright, is it?
"No it is not right it was wrong all along but there was no one to share it with them."
Maybe I do not matter at all now cast alone in the side with the villains and then cast as a victim and then cast as a servile beast who knows not her place. Maybe it is vile to be me and never to be anything else. When the love trio had a child one child who spat the worst thing, not by words but reactionary action.
You see children tell one stuff about the whole relationship and it was this. It was this it stuck in my mind when the child of the real relationship came and spat it out.
In something called the rudeness of the manner, there was not much to answer to. Our fault for not loving each other enough love never enough society too many rules? What rules? Well, the new rules of courting manners the meanness to the less able the strong against the weak. There is that of course we do not see anything but each other because there it is so sexy.
There is wholeness the complexity of the torment is this. That without meaning to perfectly kindly personalities tell one stuff they do not mean to share with you.
Abandoned me to the wolves he did not know he had. He abandons then what about that? He says just like it because you are not doing the stuff. Starting over again meant he just liked the stuff everyone liked.
He was just sex-addicted because he began to have sex when before he was a teenager. In kindergarten when he was an abused child turned into a sex addict.
He depends on women and that matters to him. Like a lost soul, he wanders from bed to bed. I lost touch with him because that made me feel filthy.
"See he what he is?" Said Jane in glee. She as the superior person was off-key. I lost touch he said. The earth underneath seemed to have no gravity.
"Lost it he has." Shouted his rivals.
"Drink some more of that and we will have it all."
Beamed he to them of course. The more he drank the more he lost. Sunnyside is the key his temperament is always bliss.
"I lost him."
"I won." Shouted his Jane.
When she swam in the nude fornicating with everyone in the sea. Like fish, they did the sperm and there appeared to be no sanity. I deemed the insane had a good look he dived in to fetch her. I hoped they drown together.
He had been raped by a woman. Raped by a woman he just now could not tolerate to be without. Well, you did not touch him. He had to go where he was needed in that way. He did not wanton he just thought he was not wanted.
When one is raped at four it matters. There grows this strange thought that he is not normal that his only use is to be with a sexy object that is when not sex it is useless time. Spending time with a woman is about sex.
So what is this about the man who was raped at four by a woman the woman did not get it because of that the man then marries the wrong woman and then the whole thing becomes reality suffering and the gritty side of life. So why did all this happen?
"Well has anyone thought what parents are for?"
"No it is obvious to me I will explain it to you all when the time comes in more detail."
That is what makes it worse that he did not want to think he just felt.
Like his soul did not turn inside the woman he was as if using it for flesh. Not much empathy there? Nothing but disdain a disaster train coming at one like the stranger in the train hurtling towards nowhere.
You know it is that you know not good enough not right and then the final straw and then the finals and now this? What right do they have over me what right do they have to hurt me?
"You have destroyed mummy and daddy's marriage."
"Do you know what that was?"
"No, but you did."
"You mattered less and you are just an ordinary mortal and my mum is immortal so she is what she is. A unique person a great mum and I am just like her."
As that is her point as it is just like people I have known people are liked well-liked.
And some do not even matter. Just like me as that is the awfulness of being this me. I am so sorry to have bothered you and made you fall out with your dad. I just want to be settled in with nice normal parents who are my natural parents. Well, I am sorry but your mum and dad had problems.
"I am not going to listen to that they were so happy."
Half-formed creatures of the blood of true blue and they never forgive and never forget what they once had. They cherish everything and keep traditions and melt when their stuff is taken and they hold on to things they never let go and they form opinions and they never change and they hate change.
They sit down and make the rules they spoil the rule book for others but their comfort zones are over and done with they cry in a petrifying manner.
They dislike parting with anything and they do not care to settle with anyone except themselves. Show off and then the little Miss in the wardrobe that is what they have to have everything on the table and the menu is intense.
So they are the better off? Yes, they must be they are the best off. But they still want to settle in acrimony inside your skin their house in order there appear to be two sides to them. They hurt they take they traumatize yet they are there all the time with the good advice the wit and the charm because they are charming people.
