MAMA......ALL I EVER NEEDED

I snuggled my face into his neck and he let out a deep menacing giggle that proceeded to giving me butterflies in my stomach. He was my love,my comfort place,my home and I would sacrifice anything just to be with him....yes, everything

"Babe,come on you have to go...your mom might wake up anytime and you don't want her to find out that you're not home at three in the morning, now do you?" He said ,his husky voice muffled by my hair as he'd leaned onto me. He broke the hug and looked me in the eyes,those eyes which offered me love and comfort that I have never experienced in my life before, " babe, you good?What's wrong?"

I snapped out of my daze realizing that tears were rolling down my cheeks, smiling, I sniffled as I wiped them off and took his hands into mine. "It's nothing,don't worry," I said kissing both his hands.

"If Its nothing then why are you crying? Is everything okay? You don't wanna go home? Babe...talk to me..please I.." hey," i cut him short and cupped his cheeks with my tiny hands hoping to ease his tension.

" It's not like that, don't worry. It's just that," pausing for a while in search of the right words, I lowered my gaze as the tears drowned at the back of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyes to meet his blue orbs that oh so swayed me into blissful ecstasy since the first time I laid my eyes on him. " It's just that I really love you.... I love you so much that I don't know, it's overwhelming cause I had never thought in my life that one day I'll feel this way towards anyone, that I will say these words to anyone and I..." My voiced broke and I stopped to breathe..

He pulled me into a tight hug again and I melted in his hands, gosh I loved him so much.....

"Ssh....it's fine, I love you even more, more than you can imagine and always remember that I'm here for you anytime you want me...mmh?" I nodded and broke the hug, he leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips and forehead. "Go on now, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," begrudgingly, I made my way to the gate and slowly opened it, got in and closed it again.. staring back at him again, I smiled as he stood majestically, towering over his car with his 6'5 figure. Waiting for me to safely get inside my hell hole, the one place called my home though it was a hole... It never was nor could it ever....

Discarding those thoughts, I waved my hands at him then rushed to the window on my room. As always, I had left it open midway and covered it with the curtains, I pushed them aside,opened the window and entered the room.

I closed it as I watched Jamie's car leave,my heart fell and tears threatened to escape again but I took in a deep gush of fresh air and closed the curtains. My heart skipped a beat when suddenly the lights in my room switched on and someone cleared their Throat behind me....Mum!

" Did you have fun honey? I mean,I'm sure you must have... you've been gone since 1800hrs and now it's 3 Am, wow.... You must have been so lost in bending for him that you didn't see the hours sweep past," she said as I put down my handbag without even looking at her.

"What are you doing in my room at 3am? Did you miss me that much? You should have just called and told me, I promise I'd have come home running to my beloved mother," I seethed, my tongue laced with distaste for the words I so wanted to say to this woman. I sat down on the edge of my old worn out and creaking single bed and took my shoes off.

She moved closer and stopped, " Maybe if your phone was on then you would have noticed that I did call...but then again, that old dude's company is more precious than a mother-daughter bonding time hey?"

" That 'old' dude is only 24 and yes his company is more precious...don't try to compare it to anything because firstly you and I have never had a bonding time," I spat feeling my body heat up because of all that anger that was brewing inside of me like a storm.... Bringing it all back, the pain, the memories. Everything.

"Wow, never in my life had it crossed my mind just what a whore I've raised, I mean," I cut her off by throwing the glass of water in my hand across the room, missing her by just a few inches, " OH, would you look at that," she giggled nonchalantly.

"Get this straight in your head, you did not raise me," I shouted, anger burning in the pit of my stomach, " you have never raised me!"

" And who did? That old guy you met a few seconds ago, made out and now you think you're in love? Bullshit! I've been here for a fucking 18 years, struggled-" she stuttered but I cut her out.

"Shut up! Just keep quite and think before you speak." I heaved, feeling the Strom brewing in me start to overwhelm me and the pain and anger overcome me. My heart hurt so bad I wanted to plug it out if I could because the pain was unbearable.... Just from a lovely day with Jamie to a terrible moment that dismantled all the love I socked in for the day.

Staring deep into her eyes, I spat, my voice hoarse with anger because of her audacity, "I might have met him a few seconds ago but he had given me so much more than you ever had in those 18 miserable years."

"And what is that? huh? Sex? That's so much?" I swear to God this woman was getting on my nerves.

"Well yeah, that also counts too but I'm talking about love, care, comfort, haven....things you've never offered nor will ever in this life time. I've lived each and every moment of my life cursing the day I was ever born, thinking everything was my fault and just how my existence was a mistake mum." My voice broke and I chocked on the tears streaming Down my face.

"You were never a mum for me and you will never be, you don't deserve to be called one. What kind of a mother leaves her child every night to go and drink all night and return in the morning then the first thing she does is hit her because the kitchen is a mess when a freaking 6 year old was just trying to make some food for herself because her 'mum' didn't do that for her?"

The words rolled out of my tongues for they've been stored for so long and when the chance finally came, I failed to hold back my violent volcanic eruption. " Say something darn it!" I spat.

"What kind of a mother invites different men everyday to come and fondle her daughter's, oh, 6 year old daughter's private parts for a mere 100 dollars?"

" Oh bullshit Jada... You know we needed that money," she chimed in but that only aggravated my anger and since I couldn't stab her in the face like my inner self oh so wished , I yelled...screamed and threw everything on my dressing table down to the floor.

" Oh fuck you mum! Fuck you." I spat.

" Have you no shame saying that you me right now? Have you no shame telling me that you were practically useless and a failure of a parent who failed to provide for that little girl and hence found it oh so glorious to make a prostitute out of her daughter for the money which by the way she used on buying alcohol and not provide for the poor six year old."

"Huh, mum? What kind of a mother hits her 8 years old daughter until she breaks her hand then lies to everyone saying that she fell off a tree when playing then proceeds to not stay with her at the hospital until the day she is discharged. What kind of a mother forces her 15 year old daughter to sleep with men everyday then takes the money to buy alcohol as if it's the only thing that matters?

She pays a man to kidnap her 16 year old daughter and use her for 2 whole weeks then continues to live as if nothing has ever happened? There is so much that the daughter remembers everyday and asks herself why her, what kind of a mother she has?

I'll tell you, that is not a mother but a monster who does not deserve the title of mother."

Taking a deep breath for a while I walk towards my window and gazed outside, a huge part of me so wishing I could see Jamie's car come back to take me home... A home with him was what I'd love to call home, not with this woman.

" A mother is supposed to cry when She gets a hold of her daughter in her hands for the first time, she is suppose to haul every baby store in search of the cutest everything for her daughter. She is suppose to sing lullabies to her daughter every night and remind her that she is her princess, make her feel like a princess and play princess dress up with her, enter the imaginary princess land with her daughter just to show just much she appreciates her." I smiled as I envisioned all this in my mind, like I always have.

It's always been nothing but the world I created in my own head, the world where I was my mom's princess wearing a crown and turning people into frogs... But well, it was always my imagination and with that, my smile dispelled and I continued.

With a soft tone and short breath intervals in between, in attempts to ease my erratically beating heart, I closed my eyes and said, " a mother is supposed to comfort her daughter in her first day at school, prepare a lunch box,tie her hair into a cute ponytail and drop her off and then gladly pick her up from school and listen as she rants about how she was learning drawing and painting. Comfort her daughter when she gets injured and tell her that brave princesses don't cry and....-" sighing, I said, " protect her from predators outside, too bad the predator was already inside."