Parting Letters

August 14th, 2021.

It’s a lazy day today. The weather is rainy and bleak : dull clouds swaying in the sky expressing their laziness as I do. I sit on my chair figuring out the next chords for my musical piece.

“Should this be A minor or G string? Maybe D Major?”.

Minutes passed by and I still couldn’t figure it out.

“Fuck this! My voice is like a broken tin anyways. No point in wasting my time for something I am not made for.”

Annoyed, I flung the guitar on the sofa already heading to bed to take a nap. Suddenly my phone rang, agitating me even more. The caller id speaks ‘Jason.’ What does he want now?

“What is it?”I ask not hiding my irritation.

“Dude, have you seen Nolan’s participants for the IA competition? It’s on fire!”

“What do you mean?”

“He is inviting 50 participants per day but today the number rolled to 89. Like can you believe it? Almost half of the artists are joined through his reference only.”

“Seriously? Shit! This can’t be happening.”

“Except this is happening so I suggest you get back on your game right now. Working for the whole day shall let you surpass him for sure.”

“Let me try.”

“TRY?! Theodore Green, you can’t try, you have to do it! It was 50 before, today 89, soon the number will increase to 100 or more. If this keeps going on then say goodbye to your position of being Lead Coordinator.”

“You are supposed to motivate me. Not do the opposite.”

“My motivational speeches will seem useless if I don’t warn you about our opponent’s success which is very impressive by the way.”

“Try saying that you yourself are useless to not motivate me enough to work.”

Silence…….

“Where were you for the last three days?”

“Changing the subject are we?”, I smirked.

“Whatever. You could have tried inviting participants during that time. What happened?”

“Nothing. I was just figuring out the next chords of my current piece with still zero result.”

“Bro, as much as I love and support your passion for music, I understand but you really have to focus on more important things for now. This competition for example. Not all students get the chance to be the coordinators without submitting applications, experiences but you did.”

“Only because of the dean’s recommendation.”

“Yes, his recommendation which you got thankfully considering what happened last year. He gave you a chance Theo. A chance to rectify your mistakes, to improve your grades ; a chance to refresh your future. Don’t screw this up. Not many get this. You did because both I and he believes in you that you are a good person with a misguided heart. The heart that can be guided in the right path.”

Last year - second year of our college. The year of complete disaster where there was nothing but pain, darkness, violence and so much more. When I look back I barely even recognize myself. What was I? Who had I become? Was that even me? The memories crawl into my arms squeezing them tight. I realized my hands got cold……… that I’m slightly shivering.

“Theo? You there?”.

Jason’s voice brought me to reality. He is right and wrong. Wrong that I deserve this chance whereas I don’t in the first place. Not after all the things I have done. Right, since I already got the opportunity, I shouldn’t screw this up. I can’t let my friends and family down again.

“Turning on the computer as we speak.”

“That was quick. I’ll let you work then. Oh, is my motivational speech useful now?”

I roll my eyes, “Bye Jase.”, with that I hang up the phone and start scrolling the event’s page.

I scan through the invitation section to see Jase was right. Nolan did a very impressive job. Not only he recruited so many people but they were all very influential as well. Damn…… if only I had been more responsible before. I need to get that Leadership position : for my own betterment, to rectify myself.

As I searched through other sections opening multiple tabs - looking for people to invite, a familiar name caught my attention for a split second. I go back to the list to see it’s gone. The name I thought it was isn’t here. Have I lost her or was I mistaken? Could it be that I finally found her account? A few more minutes were spent scrolling yet no sign of her.

“Looks like I was mistaken.”

The hope that started to build up quickly shut down by disappointment. I shouldn’t even feel disappointed considering a decade has passed since I last saw her. Years of searching I couldn’t find her and today I will with no excavation mood. How brainless of me. I shake the thought off my head focusing on the invitations instead. An hour and a half later I nearly invited around 70 artists to join the competition. Though everyone was not influential still they were something in their own way. A few more calls, emails, messages and persuasion…… then yes! List reached 104.

“Crossed Nolan baby!”, I yelled, satisfied. This shall serve him as an example that I am not giving up. I was off track for a while ; now that I’m back. I shall win.

I stretch myself forward to log off when suddenly I see something I never thought I would. My eyes widen at the sight.

The account profile clearly showing off the name, ‘Hanah Easton’, displaying her beguiling picture.

The little ray of hope that had died down started to come alive once again. I rub my eyes at least two times to make sure that it’s real. That it’s her. I look at her picture - she changed. Her long straight hair is now cut into a short bob style. The charcoal color is replaced by a fiery red. She even got the nose piercing that she wanted. Even so her eyes and smile still remained the same. The two features which brightened her appearance didn’t change which seems like a big factor to me. I eye her lips- within an instant the flashback hazes my eyes. Our first encounter, playdoings, hangouts, mischiefs and that particular memory. The one that will always be tethered to my mind.

Stop it Theo! Stop thinking about it! Nothing like this has ever happened nor will happen in the near future. The things we did…..they were our childishness……..at least according to her. I try to suppress that memory except I can’t. I look at her ; recollection happens. The remembrance making my heart beat ten times more than it normally should. It’s been ages. Does she even remember what happened? Did she forget me?! If she does remember, does she feel the same way? The negative answers of these questions bring an unbearable pain in my heart. Even after such a long time she is glued to my mind. No matter how much I try…….it’s impossible to get rid of her.

I click on her profile and start to go through it. There are rarely any pictures posted of hers except five profile ones, otherwise it’s filled with BTS stuff. So she chose dancing as her primary study and career and became one of the BTS fangirls. The relationship status says ‘Single’ on her bio. An otherworldly giddiness shines across my face as I read it.

“Which means…...I still might have a chance if she allows once more.”

What am I thinking?! It’s never possible. More like forbidden for us!

“These thoughts should stop………”, knowing it’s unworkable aimlessly.

I look at her account once again. My finger hovering over the mouse - a click away from sending her friend request. Doubts start going through myself. What if she doesn’t accept? Will she even recognize me? Or worse…...will it be awkward?

I stop myself connecting to her but then her words echo in my ear,

“We shall always remain as friends no matter what happens. Ok, Theo?! Always.”.

I advert my eyes away from hers, unable to bear this.

“Theo? Answer me! Promise me that this won’t change things between us. Promise that you will give your utmost effort to keep our friendship alive because I do.”

“How can we be friends after all this? Especially after what I tried a moment ago? How can you be friends with me Hanah?”

“Because I can. I trust you enough to see you were just being impulsive. A small thing like this cannot end years of our cordiality. Do you get me?”

I take a deep breath, “Yes. Yes, I get you.”

She squeezed my hand tightly to assure her firmness on this, “Theodore Green : My closest fellow. Nothing can ever change that.”

Her appellation boosts my confidence enough not to just send her request but to message her as well. To let her know that it’s me. After sending the request, I open the texting panel, typing out the lines :

Hey Hanah!

Remember me?

It’s Theo - your closest fellow.

It’s as if a small burden which I had been holding all these years is somewhat lifted off. I feel sorta chilled now. Currently all I can do is wait. Waiting for her to accept and reply to me. I hope she does. She should if she meant what she said before.

August 21st, 2021.

“Natalie, keep the boxes at the center not to the left. Hans, take these decorations and parchment papers to the decorators. Make sure they do everything right. I don’t want to see a single mistake. Got it?”

“Yes, Theo.”, said Hans while I kept ordering around the volunteers to do their work properly.

It’s been seven days and still no response from Hanah. Did she not recognize me? But I sent the message. What if she ignored me? What if something happened to her? I hope not. The assumption was unsettling so I decided to move on by burying myself into work. Not the best idea, simply distracting myself from getting disappointed again.

“You seem busy.”, Jason suddenly appeared behind.

“Shouldn’t you be happy about that? I am finally focusing on important things rather than music.”

“Bro, come on. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I support your musical hobbies. It’s just-”

“I know, I know. Ease up. I’m kidding. I needed the wakeup call anyway.”

“I am delighted to see you working here. If you do keep this up then you will be the Lead Coordinator in no time. We bet you will be giving Nolan a hard run for his money.”

“We? Who’s we?”.

“U-Uh…….you know…... Jessica, Cole, Helia then Sunny……”

“Are you guys betting on us?!”

“More like the whole college is………?”

“What?! This is ridiculous!”

“Hey, if it helps - most of them bet on you.”

“It doesn’t. Why on earth would all of you do that? Do you realize the amount of pressure I am under right now?”

“You know the reason! The Batch 14 Nerd vs Batch 14 Composer. Two students who have been rivals since high school. No one would miss the chance to see who outshines the other. Speaking of the devil, he is approaching you by the way.”

I look to see the boy wearing large square shaped spectacles covering his hazel eyes walking towards me. He is wearing a full sleeved pale blue colored shirt matching with loose jeans and sneakers. Even though he is a nerd ; damn this bastard is good looking.

“Hello Theodore.”, he says.

“Nolan.”, I responded.

“I have heard a lot of compliments about your effort this week. Surprisingly this venue speaks for itself as I can see. Good work, I must say.”

“Cut the bullshit. I know you aren’t the type to pay compliments, especially to me.”

He gave a smug smile, “Here I thought we could start the conversation with small talk but since you aren’t interested then let me get straight to the point.”

Nolan steps up so that we both are face to face closely, “That Leadership position is mine. You may have surpassed me but that’s temporary. I didn’t work myself all the way here just to let you charm everyone’s pants off and grab the spot. Believe me, that doesn’t make you anymore of a man.”

“Oh really? Then what does? Kissing teachers’ and girls’ asses by buying them gifts with the thick notes of your dad? I thought your grades then all those hours of reading fat books will earn you your own status. Sadly it didn’t.”

Nolan’s face turned beet red. His lips trembling and eyes screaming intolerable fury. It’s clear I hit a nerve which clearly didn’t stop him from hitting mine.

“At least I don’t force girls nor put the teachers in a situation where there’s no escape. No wonder she left. Oh no, sorry. No wonder they both left.”

The vein on my neck popped. Oh, he did not just say that. He didn’t go there. Within a flash I grabbed Nolan by the collar jerking intensely.

“I did not force her! I never forced anyone! Don’t speak of something you don’t know or never saw! It just shows how lifeless you are.”

“Even the walls have ears and the sky has eyes.”, Nolan declares, “Don’t say you are that delusional to not notice the surroundings around you.”

“Surroundings? What do you mean?”, I ask.

“I think you know very well.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Figure it out for yourself then.”

“Tell me or else-”.

“Or else what? Hit me? After all that’s what you are capable of. Involving violence when you can’t find the solution to yourself. Anger has never been your suit. Last year did teach you, didn’t it?”

I grip his collar more tightly ready to take a swing when suddenly our supervisor shouts from the front, “What’s going on? Theodore Green, let go of Nolan now!”

I didn’t want to. He needs to learn a lesson yet thinking of the aftermath I pushed him hard releasing my grip.

“How many more squabbles is needed for you both to act your age? I lost count of which number this time is. Both of your jobs impressed me that’s why I am letting you go this time. If I see anymore of this then I am kicking you out. You hear me?”, the supervisor declared.

“Yes, ma’am.”, Nolan and I said together.

“Good. Theo, take a breather then afterward bring the supplies from the basement. Nolan, aren’t you supposed to meet with the Dean?”

“Yes, ma’am.”, he replied.

“Then what are you waiting for? Go!”

He nodded, fixed his collar, then with a final steely glare left the gym. What was he talking about? Walls have ears and eyes. Does he know something he shouldn’t? What is it? All my thoughts were interrupted with the buzzing sound coming from my pocket. I take out the phone to see two message notifications. While opening it my eyes bulged out of my sockets. Out of the question :

No way. Unbelievable!

Theodore Green. Is that really you?!