What is your opinion?
Moving
"The melancholy present throughout this story has the power to influence and etch into the minds of the readers, to stay there and refuse to leave even after they have finished reading the story. This is a deep, powerful story, making the readers wonder about everything – about love, about their existence, about life in general. I felt like I was in some kind of a dream while reading this, a dream of the Professor, to be more precise. It was very saddening, melancholic and it really moved me. I read it in one breath. Your style of writing is amazing, full of intricate but authentic descriptions, wise comparisons put together into wonderful sentences. This style is visible from the very beginning of the story, showing that this is a serious work, and that you are a great author. I loved the contemplation on cigarettes and the comparison to death. This is a beautiful, moving and touching story."
Imaginative writing but poorly structured
"A good opening for a story starts with an inciting incident. Something that upsets the protagonist's life. From this incident and the desire to get life back on track evolves the Goal - what the protagonist wants; Motivation - why he wants it; and, Conflict - what's preventing him from getting it. This needs to be presented to the reader right at the beginning - ideally the first page, but for sure in the first chapter. It helps the reader understand what's at stake in the story and if they should invest the time. Backstory - your characters' history should not be dumped at the beginning of the story. Start with action, stay with action and subtly insert backstory where necessary keeping in mind it should be minimal and motivated (necessary to the story at that time). Try re-writing scenes inserting more dialogue and action rather than summary. It really will make your work come alive and be more entertaining for the reader."
