ON THE RUN

I heard people sobbing, wailing, screaming but I couldn't get myself to do the same. I am not heartless, so you know. I think all that just made me rigid.

Glancing around the crowd, I saw him, the so-called partner who couldn't protect my brother and his wife. I couldn't tell if he was sorry or doing some happy dance in his heart. I sent him a cold stare that if looks could kill, he would be the one in the casket.

At a distance, I noticed a black SUV with tinted windows and then I looked to my left and saw two more black SUV's and wondered whom those cars belong to.

"I would like to welcome you to the celebration of the life of Ethan who entered his rest to be with our saviour", the priest began.

I can barely listen as my mind wanders away trying to find answers.

I see people whom I don't even know, some look remorseful, others I can't see through their faces. Did my brother know all of these people? Or maybe his wife did?

Aah, I am losing it. I hate to be here but I have to.

"Talia! ..." If only I could get away now.

"Talia! ..." Maybe start investigating on my own.

"Talia! ..." Even in thoughts, I hear my name? Guess this cemetery surely has ghosts.

"Miss ... Talia. Talia! -" Wait a minute, that's.

"Talia. ..."

"Sorry, you said something priest?" He nods and ushers me to stand by his side.

Guess it's time.

No one wishes to bury their loved ones.

"We commend to Almighty God our brother, Ethan and we commit his body to the ground as a resting ..."

I stare as they lower the casket and something wet is on my face. Tears? Finally.

Oh, no. It is rain.

I can't believe my own eyes deceived me. Why can't I cry?

People start to leave and I just stand there staring at the grave. A hand on my shoulder causes me to turn and look at my sister in law's father. "Come on, kiddo. You'll get drenched."

I follow him to his car, then head out. The drive is silent. His wife, Amanda, is still sobbing -- something I wish I could do at the moment. At his house, some family members are gathered to pay their last respects.

"Whoever did this shall not live peacefully." One of the people says.


My cellphones ring for the sixtieth time today and I walk to one of the rooms to answer it.

"How are you holding up?" Sally, my roommate, asks.

"I don't know -"

"I am sorry. I can't even imagine how you feel. When are you coming back?" She never cared for anyone before, this is rich coming from her.

"You know the answer to that Sally and stop asking me silly questions." I say as calm as possible.

"Sorry. It's just -"

"Thanks for calling, Sally." I hang up.

As I am about to get out of the room, the sound of a baby crying makes me stop in my tracks and head to where the sound is coming from.

"He can't stop crying." I found Yolanda trying to calm my nephew Jace.

I took the baby from her and kissed his chubby cheeks.

"It is ok, my love. I am here for you." I watch as he holds my finger and stops crying.

"I think he understands." Yolanda delightful says.

"Maybe. I will take care of him. Go and see if anybody needs anything." I reply.

Jace smiled at me and I can't help and think of my brother, a perfect resemblance. Such an innocent baby made an orphan at just eight months old. Poor baby!

My cellphone rings and I ignore it. It buzzes again and I scroll to see twenty-three messages, twelve voicemails and thirteen missed calls. Most calls and messages are from my boyfriend, Ryan. I call him back, and when he doesn't answer, I leave a message.

While playing with Jace, I take a selfie of us making funny faces before singing him a lullaby and putting him in his cot. Sally calls again and I let it ring for few more seconds as I think, Why does she keep calling me? I get it we share the same house but apart from that we are not friends, she made it clear.

"Talia. I need to tell you something."

"Not now, Sally. I just lost my brother."

"But - "

"If it is about you moving out, we'll talk about it when I get back." I hang up.

Later when everyone left, Amanda asked me to sit down. "Talia," she rested her hand on my shoulder. "Child, I know you lost your brother and I lost a son in law too. You need to let it all out and cry as much as you can, dear. Do not hold in."

I let out a breath I had been holding and cover my face with my palms. "I want to but I can't even if I try." I speak lowly.

"Do not be hard on yourself, dear. At least try eating something. I have noticed you have not been eating." She insists as her husband, Oliver joins us holding a plate of food and sits next to Amanda.

"I don't feel like it. Maybe later."

Amanda's smile drops and she sets the plate aside.

"It seems I can not convince you, child. Talia, we wanted to ask you not to investigate further about your brother's death. I know the circumstances he died in are doubtful and I think it's best you -" Oliver begins.

"How can I not investigate my brother's death? I need answers. It is not fair for Jace to grow up without a dad!" I yelled as I sprang up.

Amanda's hands fly to her chest and she turns to her husband who keeps darting his eyes from me to the door.

"Listen, Talia, I didn't mean it that way. I not only lost a son but my daughter is at the hospital fighting for her life. I considered your brother as my son and, for that reason, you're my daughter too. I don't want something to happen to you too," Oliver spoke sadly.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. All of this is hard to digest. I can't believe Ethan is gone." Amanda's arms pulled me for a hug.

"Will you stay for some time?"

I nodded vaguely.

"We are happy to have you around, Talia, and so is little Jace." I heard Oliver say while he joined the hug session.

Throughout the night, I could not sleep. I tossed and turned and had no sleep. I went over to Jace's room and held him in my arms. I wanted to hold him that way daily and give him all the love my brother would have.

Ethan and I were very close since childhood. We had no one except ourselves since our parents passed away. He worked hard to get me to where I am today, and I could say I'm proud of that. I miss him already.

* * *

A few days later, I decided to go back to school since I had missed some lessons. I was in my final year at Upenn school of medicine studying general paediatrics and Neonatology. I went directly to campus, but my mind seemed to be lost somewhere, and I found myself unable to concentrate on anything.

Finally, I was done for the day and I decided to go home. I wondered if Sally had already moved out. She had told me a few days back that she was moving in with her boyfriend before the month ended. I lived in Wynnewood, an eleven-minute train ride from campus and, in no time, I was standing outside my door.

I opened the door using my key and heard the sound of a familiar voice screaming or yet moaning.

Sally.

I bet she thought I was not coming anytime soon. I was debating whether to stay and be tuned with the beat or head out when I heard, "Oh, Ryan. You always drive me crazy!"

I did not know her boyfriends' name was Ryan since she never talked about her personal life. Maybe today I'll get to meet him. I took out my phone and dialled my boyfriend's number to inform him I was going to his place, and what surprised me was the same song of his ringtone was ringing somewhere in the house.

Maybe it's just a coincidence.

I tried brushing off any negative ideas by convincing myself that he was the sweetest and couldn't hurt a fly and then re-dialled just to hear the same ringtone. As I moved, searching for the ringing phone, I could hear Sally shouting from her room. "Ignore it, baby. Focus on me."

Since Ryan was not answering my calls, I decided to go to my room and wait for him to call. Standing outside my door, I heard Sally screaming in pleasure. "Yeah. Please, Ryan!"

This Ryan is surely something. What I heard next made my blood boil.

"Please what? Say it!"

That sounded like my boyfriend. "Say it. Beg for it!"

Now, I was sure it was my Ryan. I dialled his number once more and that confirmed my suspicion. Ryan had an emergency meeting in Australia and had been away for three weeks -- that was the reason he couldn't make it for the burial.

"Ignore the stupid phone, baby," Sally said.

If Sally had a boyfriend and was planning to move in with him, why is she sleeping with mine? I still couldn't believe it. I decided to barge into her room which was not locked, making the naked couple stop their act.

"So, Ryan. How is Australia? I did not know it can scream in pleasure!" I fired in anger.

He put on his briefs. "Baby, it is not what you think."

"Really? Oh, Australia can't scream? I thought as much!"

I turned to Sally. "To think you at least cared even though we were never friends." She didn't look sorry to me. Ryan, on the other hand, tried touching my hand.

"Tali -" I waved him off.

"Don't! Is it because we've never had sex? Did you even love me? Was everything you ever said real?"

"Of course, it was real. I love you, baby. It is not about sex. You know I was the one who wanted to wait. This is a mistake -"

"Ah, what now!"

"Shut up, Sally!" Ryan and I yelled at the same time.

"A good way to prove your love. Please, do not let me stop your sexcapade. I'm leaving!" I yelled and stormed out.

"Talia! My love! ...." Ryan followed right behind but I shrugged him off and ran outside. Once outside, I stopped a taxi and told the driver to drive off leaving Ryan behind us.

I can't believe I loved him and he wasted a year of my life fooling me. I fucking loved him. I thought he was serious about us when he introduced me to his family. I was too naive to see it, or maybe my brother's death brought a revelation. I was glad I didn't introduce him to my brother. What a jerk.

✡ ✡ ✡ ✡ ✡ ✡

"Stop there!" I paid for the taxi and walked into the Z Club.

The club was in a newly affluent neighbourhood where Ryan had taken me a couple of times. It was the only place I could think of at that moment. As I walked in and headed to the bar past sweaty bodies dancing, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol welcomed me. Someone spanked my ass and I ignored it. Any other day I would have given him a piece of mind but today I didn't have the strength. I was broken, empty, I can't even explain it.

"What can I get ya!" The bartender asked. He had a goatee beard, not blessed with good looks but friendly.

"Anything to cure pain!"

As I waited for the drink, I noticed a man sitting to my right, alone. He gave me a nod and curt smile as he raised his glass and I ignored him.

"Another one. Make it stronger!" I ordered.

The bartender mixed a few drinks and handed me a glass which I gladly chugged.

"Nursing a broken heart?" A deep resonant voice came from behind, making me turn and do nothing but ogle.

The man was tall, six-foot-something, very handsome and with a perfect jaw in a black leather jacket and denim jeans which made him look more gorgeous. I know I just went through a lot a while ago, but that doesn't mean I can't admire.

"Here you go miss!" the bartender snapped me out of my thoughts.

I grabbed the drink and asked for another one. I needed something strong, way stronger.

"I think you should stop," The gorgeous man said.

"Who are you to stop me?"

He sat at the barstool next to me. "Someone concerned. You won't solve anything by getting drunk."

Staring at him, I said, "Concerned, huh? You don't even know me. Drinking is the best solution at the moment."

That was not me speaking, probably the alcohol.

"Believe me, I care. We can talk about it." Mr. handsome seemed sincere.

I fished my phone out of my pocket and called my best friend one last time only to see him give me no response, again.

The handsome man looked at me, and if it was not for the neon laser lights, I would have known the colour of his eyes. I took my drink ready to chug it but he grabbed it and placed it on the table.

"Don't! You've had much already."

I needed to vent and talk to someone since the pain I felt was suffocating me. Mere seconds later I found myself speaking, "He. he ... cheated on me with my flatmate! He ... Right .. after ... we ..."

"It is okay. Let it all out," he said.

I poured myself out to him, from my brother's death to Ryan cheating. He hugged me and I couldn't help but inhale his cologne. I cried until I couldn't anymore and continued drinking as he tried to stop me a couple of times.

"Your brother will not be happy to know you are doing this. Besides, your ex is somewhere having fun while you are here drinking dry the whole bar. Come on, let's dance." He offered me his hand and I joined him gladly.

As drake's song, Mia played, I danced and danced, shaking off the pain I felt, hoping it'd go away.