The Window

It was all white for a while, not blinding but the white of a summer sheet over your eyes when you played “ghost” as a kid.

The lack of color started to hurt. But then after some unit of time – a window appeared, looking out at more nothingness. The white frame of the window stood out amidst the overall whiteness of the canvas.

I did not know this place.

Again, after some unit of time (it was difficult to know), a woman appeared on the other side of the window. She had kind eyes and deep frown lines.

She appeared regularly, leaning into the white window like a person peering through an eyehole. While I just waited on the other side, not sure if I wanted to open the door or make her believe there was no one home.

I was not uncomfortable. This place felt safe and smelled clean – sanitizer and air freshener clean. If only something could be done about the lack of temporality.

Another unit of time must have passed when an old itch came to be.

I was eight years old when during a game of tag, I fell. A small pebble entered the broken skin of my left knee. It took a while to heal and I have a scar –the kind where hair won’t grow.

This old scar started to itch again, and I did not know how to scratch.

The window remained white and unrelenting as I transmogrified into this thirty-year-old itch that just wouldn’t stop.

Then just like that– the window filled with the silhouette of my mother.

I could smell that familiar lemon-zest scent of her skin. Then I could see her hands. Her square fingertips, soft palms with those dark, set creases. Slowly the silhouette became a person and then a face- my mother’s face. Broad forehead, greying hair along the temples, those brown eyes and thin lips - pursed tightly.

Suddenly, she got up and started to leave, walking away from the window – looking more and more like someone leaving a door after they are convinced no one is home.

This body less, knowledge-less me wanted to cry and shout out I am here.

The itch grew stronger and throbbed, almost like an inflammation.

Her leg moved! She might be waking up, the nurse with the kind eyes and frown lines exulted.