Hot and Cold

"The chapters you've written up till now are an amazing start for a story that will be full of twists and deception and will reveal a lot of mysteries and troubles for the protagonist Avni. The prologue hooked me instantly the moment I learned about Neil's situation and I started asking questions seeking to know what happened to him and what Avni has to do with it. Avni is an ambitious, passionate, and a powerful female lead who comes from a rich Indian family and has big love for horses and racing and a dream to fulfill. Even though I still don't know much about her, but I like how realistic and relatable she is, and that childish spirit she has. I love how her family worries about her and that warm and serene feeling around her. Then here comes Dev and starts ruining her life bit by bit. He's devious, arrogant, and cheeky, and yet he's the most handsome man Avni had ever seen. And that's where their chemistry sparks. These two are going hot and cold around one another. I like how they are confused about each other and I seriously want to punch Dev in the face because he's trying to destroy Avni's life without listening to her side of the story. Although, this might be early judgment for your characters because the summary tells me how much the plot is promising. Technically, you've got things covered. Your story is composed very well. You have good vocabulary and words that I don't understand but are easy to figure out their meanings through reading. Descriptions of people and settings are vivid and beautiful, and I like how smooth the introduction of new characters and the interactions between them are. You're writing your story with meticulous attention and care and personally I think you're on the right road. The pace of the story is a bit slow, but you're giving each character a chance to shine and show themselves and the pace makes me anticipate even more. You don't have grammar mistakes, but the only mistake is a typo in this sentence in the prologue: "Dev ran an uneasy hand through his ha." The last word should be "hair." Also, there's something confusing about Dev's brother. In the beginning you referred to him as Neil, then you started referring to him as Vicky. The only issue is about dialogue punctuation. Sometimes you do it right, and sometimes you don't. Dialogue punctuation, tags, and action beats: cases on how dialogues should be punctuated. -If the sentence is a statement: "I made coffee," he/she/they/I/my mother etc... said. (Note the comma and no capitalization) tags include more than said, asked, replied, yelled, pleaded, whispered, etc... -If the sentence is a question or exclamation. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. "Wow! You look so beautiful!" he commented. - If the dialogue is followed by action beat: "I made coffee." He reached for two mugs from the cupboard (capitalization and point) For more visit https://thewritelife.com/dialogue-tags/ I'm loving it so far. You're talented and your English is pretty good and your story has potential. I can't wait for the drama to start! Amazing amazing job! :)"