What is your opinion?
We all know what the road to hell is paved with...
"Overall, an interesting short story. The Good: Clear premise and succinct narrative. Thought provoking. The Meh: Odd descriptions, vague ending. The Ugly: Obvious head-hop without transition in the second part. I'll highlight and send specific feedback, but the best thing I can really say about this story is I stopped for a moment and said, "Man, it really sucks to be that guy." Which means you created reader sympathy which is never a bad thing. Within my highlighted responses you'll see suggestions for showing rather than telling, sentences that didn't make sense, where the head hopping happened without transition, and suggestions for tightening up the prose. Overall, well done! Keep up with your writing!"
Very Interesting!
"Overall this was a great story! I would simply encourage you to work on clarifying some of your writing. More than once I found myself baffled at your words, so work on transitioning more smoothly. Otherwise, I thought it was quite an interesting story. i especially liked the ending! Keep working on this, I see great things!"
Lots of Issues
"Interesting exercise. Very reminiscent of a novel I read in high school.Needs more careful proofing. Hard to follow sometimes because of the jagged editing. Some redundancy - too many adjectives. Some technical errors in the routines & procedures of patient care. Interview a medical practitioner for correct practices and terminology. For example: it isn't vegitated. The correct word is vegetative. (By the way, Karlis wouldn't be described vegetative. A vegetative patient would not have these higher brain functions and therefore, no torment. He is a non-verbal quadriplegic.) More importantly, there is no story. No character, no story. We don't know Karlis or see his torment and we don't see any compassion or valiance in Ana. Illuminate the experience and you'll have a moving story. I would love to see the re-write."
