Three Days After
Start writing here…It was the day of her wake, and I sat on the couch, staring out the window. Sasha bustled around me, talking to caterers and the woman at the funeral home, making arrangements. I tried not to listen, tried not to be angry that the world kept spinning forward.
“Oh yes, she would love that; pink was her favorite color.”
I blinked at the word. Was. There was a finality to it that I wanted to forget. I tried to think about something else. Pink was her favorite color. I thought about the blanket she kept on our bed, the pale pink one. I had wrinkled my nose when she brought it home, and she had laughed at my reaction.
“There’s nothing wrong with a little color. Besides, it looks good here.” She fondly ran her fingers over the fabric, beckoning me to do the same. It was soft, just like her, I joked.. She rolled her eyes, but there was a smile playing at her lips. She loved when I told her things like that. “Well we can’t get rid of it now, if we do I’ll take it very personally.”
She joked like that often, as if her feelings were soft as that blanket, but I knew it was not quite true. Even if her favorite color was pink, the color she reminded me of was a deep sort of cobalt blue.
“Is there anything she would like to be included in the ceremony?” I heard the whispered question as though it were directed at me. I suppose it was, but I wasn’t the one to answer.
“She thought it was best that Henry and I took care of the arrangements, seeing as she was our daughter. But if I get a chance, I’ll ask her myself later.”
I tried not to roll my eyes, though I imagine if she were here, she wouldn’t have been able to help herself. She couldn’t stand her parents even more than I could.
“Her family should decide what to do!” Sasha screamed at me over the phone. I asked that we discuss it in person, but she adamantly refused. “You are nothing more than an interloper in her life, and now she’s gone!”
I didn’t know what to say. It was true we were not united on paper. There was nothing legally that I could do. It was something she and I had talked about many times. We couldn’t get married, she had said, not without her parents there. I agreed, though I had wondered if they’d ever come around. I guess I had my answer.
Sasha would not ask me about my opinions later, I was sure of it.
