The Return

FIVE YEARS AGO

Two lines.

Two parallel lines shone back at me. I stared at the stick blinking and tried to absorb what it was trying to tell me.

This can't be right, i thought to myself.

This is not right.

I shook my head vigorously as a reply and took out another stick from the packet, ripping the packet open and clip the top off. I dipped it into my pee that was sitting in a cup on the sink in the bathroom.

"Well?" Connie was standing outside waiting for the result. That I already had in my hand. I was in denial. I had been from the very instance. Before I set foot into the pharmacy.

"I think it was faulty I'm trying another one" I tried to convince both of us. Mainly me.

"Can I come in?" She asked as she pushed the door open without waiting for a reply. She always did that, the girl did what she want with no hesitation. I'm just surprised she took this long to do it. I knew this was eating her alive just as much as was with me.

I slide the first test I did to her and she stares at it much like what I thought I looked like when I saw the result. "Oh... yeah definitely try another one. It could be a false positive. Those happen more often than not" we're both trying to convince ourselves that I'm not. But I feel it. I feel pregnant. I've gained weight and I have the worst case of nausea. I know I am. I can feel it inside of me. I just don't know what to do about it.

What can I do?

Do another test? That's not going to take it all way from me. It won't bring me back in time for a do-over.

I have to face the possibility of being actually pregnant, as a teen. Eighteen and pregnant.

Do I get rid of it? Do I keep it? This could change my life either way. My parents are going to kill me.

I graduate in a week. I couldn't have waited a little longer. I had to go to that party. I had to get really drunk. I had to hook up with the quarterback of my high school football team. I just had to didn't I? And now look where it's landed me?

"It's positive too..." Connie says slowly and I bit my lower lip, and wondered what I should do. "Okay, lets not panic-"

"Panic! It's easy for you to say Connie! You're not pregnant! I am! Me! I haven't even fucking graduated" I point to myself trying to breathe. I feel dizzy.

My life is officially over. Everyone looks down on teen moms and even if you give it up there will always be a rumour that you were. The abortion clinics always have someone you know in there. I'd have to go out of town for it, my parents won't do it. I'm so dead.

I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet seat. Breathed in and out until i got a good rhythm going. "You know I'll be here for you right? Whatever you decide" She crouched down in front of me, she rubbed my left thigh up and down as she tried to soothe me. It didn't do any good, I was panicking and she knew it.

"What am I going to do? My parents will flip Connie..." I could feel the tears brewing in my eyes. The stinging sensation is a huge giveaway.

My mind was going round and round like a rollercoaster, one I couldn't get off of. I was stuck on it and in for one hell of a ride.

"Let's get you to a doctor first and see what your options are? I'm not a professional by any means. I don't want to influence you but a doctor will help Blake" she convinced me and I agreed with her. I should know my options but I needed to know one hundred percent before I made any decision. I'm not thinking straight.

Later that week we made an appointment with my family doctor. I was unsure at first incase he blabs to my parents before I could get a chance. I don't need him breaking the news before I get a chance to figure it all out. I'm on my own here, and it's going to change my life, whatever decision I make.

I couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate in class the entire time. The build up was too much. I knew I was going to have to decide one way or another. I was just so scared and felt so alone, even though I had Connie.

I've been going to school, but my mind has been elsewhere. I had been zoning out of conversations and mindlessly agreeing to whatever was being said. This has been on my mind ever since I saw those lines.

I've seen Grayson around too and every time we made eye contact I ran on the opposite direction trying to avoid him. Not that he probably cares anyway. His possy were always around him so he was busy. I don't even want to talk to him.

Grayson McKnight is like royalty in this school. Even the teachers praise him, he gets away with absolute murder. It's part of the charm. Half of the female faculty have a crush on him and the other half think of him as their own son or grandson.

Incase you couldn't tell, I'm mad at him. He took my virginity and knocked me up in one night. Thanks to him and his flirtatious ways, I'm pregnant with his child. Any girl in this school would die to be having his child, but we're still so young. We haven't even graduated and I'm already leaning towards keeping it. Sleepless nights and countless pros and cons charts have led to me leaning toward keeping the child.

I've always wanted to be a mother, and what if this is my only chance to me one? What if this is my shot?

I had hoped the doctor would help me make my mind up. I knew i had to tell Grayson eventually, it's only right that he found out from me. I'm was also hoping he wouldn't deny him or her. I had read horror stories of the guy leaving the girl to fend for herself and raise the child as a single mother. I had prayed it wouldn't happen to me.

"Blake?" My name was called out in the doctors office and Connie stood up with me. Dr. Bradfield nodded to follow him down the corridor, "Follow me and we can get started" I held onto Connie's hand and squeezed it feeling my nerves again. My palms sweated profusely. I trailed behind him towards his familiar door and both of us walked inside, hesitancy in each step. We took a seat next to his desk. "How are we?" He asked slapping the file on the wood.

Why do doctors always have a file in their hand?

"Um... good.. well..." I stammered as I looked to my best friend for some support. She nodded telling me she's here for me and it's alright.

"Talk to me, what can I do for you today?" He asked and leaned forward on his elbows, and gave me his undivided attention, like Connie wasn't even there.

"Um... I've taken pregnancy tests and two were positive. I could only afford two... I was wondering if you could make sure I am and I would like to know my options" he smiled and nodded which surprised me, no hint of shock or disapproval in his eyes. I wasn't sure if should have been offended or glad.

I thought he would've given me a disbelieving look. He clicked the mouse for his computer to get my file up on the computer screen and then pushed his chair over to a cabinet. He took out a plastic bag with a clear cup and opened it up handing it over to me. I could only afford two tests so I could pay for this visit by myself.

"There's a bathroom just behind me there" he pointed to a door behind him without turning around. It had a sign saying 'when you gotta go' on the front of it. "You just need to give me a sample of your urine and I can confirm if you are or not" I stood up with shaky legs and walked into the bathroom alone. I shut the door behind me and switched on the light. I locked it and turned on my heel. I stared at the closed toilet seat and sighed.

I awkwardly peed into the cup he gave me, I flushed, washed my hands three times and used sanitiser the was stuck to the wall at head height. I handed it back over to him and he walked to the door. "You two sit tight, I'll be right back" we both nodded as I took my seat once again.

Both of us were sitting anxiously and alone in the doctors office. "So Grayson McKnight huh?" Connie starts and I sighed as I rubbed my hands along my thighs trying not to think about how I should tell him. It had been so tough to go to school knowing he and I had this human that was growing day by day inside of me. I knew that it could hold back his football career. That the information could hold him back full stop.

"Yeah..." I sighed in my seat once again and looked up at the wall opposite me. There was a notice board filled with baby pictures on the wall. Patients is my guess.

"Hey, Blake, everything is going to be alright" she coaxed me into breathing normally. It was not doing any good for me, and now the little human was growing inside of me.

What am I going to do?

"What if it's not? What if my parents kick me out? Where will I go Connie? I don't know if I should keep it or... terminate it?" I had a million and one questions that swirled around in my brain and I tried every moment of the day to find an answer. I knew she can't give them to me.

"You can stay at mine, my parents will understand. You know you're like a third daughter to them!" I bowed my head and the door opens again. Dr. Bradfield sauntered in again, he came in with a few sheets of paper in his hand.

"Alrighty then, let me just see what the results say..." there was a deafening silence and the hum of the lights above us surrounded the heavy air. We waited until he read the entire sheet of paper that was laid on his desk. His eyes danced across the ink as he absorbed what is said while we both waited anxiously. "Well, you are pregnant." He turned on his chair to face me with a small smile unsure if I was going to be alright with the answer he just gave us.

But I'm not. I'm not okay.

A pulse of pain just ripped through my body as I listened to him. I froze in the seat, even through I knew I was, it felt different when it came from him.

"You're just over four weeks pregnant... Blake, you have some options. I can only advise you but it's your decision. Do you understand?" I nodded eventually allowing him to carry on. "One, you can have the baby and keep it, raise it with some help. It'll be a lot but you'll be finished school so you'll have some time. Two, you can have the baby and give it up for adoption" I frowned at the option. That was not an option. I was either having it or not. I most certainly would never give a baby up for adoption. Nothing against it, I just didn't want to do that. "I can see you're not a fan of that option. But, three, you can terminate your pregnant up until 12 weeks of conception" and I frowned again. Not because I didn't like that option, well I didn't, but I just didn't know what to do? He pushed himself up out of the chair and walked over to the wall with different pamphlets. He took a couple out and strode over to me and Connie.

"I would recommend you to read these, these will help you. If you need to me to talk you through your options my number is on this card here" he leaned back to take his cards out of its holder and placed it on top of the bundle of papers. "Consider your options carefully Blake, and this meeting is confidential, your parents aren't going to know unless you tell them. So don't be worrying about that alright?" I nodded again looking at the man I've come to when I was sick since I was a kid. My eyes flickered to behind him where the wall of pictures are. He spun around and followed my line of sight. He rose up to his full height and walked over to the wall. His finger pointed to a baby. "That's you. I have all the kids I've helped throughout the years on this wall" he smiled at me and I tried to smile back up, but it was hard knowing I had a huge decision resting on my shoulders. "You need to tell your parents, whatever decision you make... they need to know, Blake" I knew they needed to know I just had to figure out a way to tell them.

After a few more moments of us talking back and forth, it knew it was time for me to leave. I thanked him and his staff on the way out the door.

Connie and I drove silently back to my house, the dread was eating me alive so much so i had knots in my stomach. I needed to tell my parents now. I needed to tell them and my brother, Dex. I was going to be in so much shit for this.

*******

A few hours later I found myself pacing back and forth in my room. I had texted my older critter Dex and pleaded him to come home for tonight. I had called a family meeting in my living room. And when I heard the door open and close my heart rate spiked.

It was now or never.

I lifted my feet down the stairs and saw Dex who stood in the hallway with his bags for the weekend even though I requested him for the night. He had driven back from college, he was a sophomore and the university of South Carolina at the moment and had come home for the weekend. He sensed something was wrong.

"You alright?" He wondered and I shook my head and then I broke down crying. He rushed over to me and gathered me into one of his famous hugs that squeezed the life out of me. "Blake, what's wrong? What happened?" He cooed me from side to side and tried to get me to calm down.

"Blake? Honey, what's wrong?" My mom soon joined us out in the hallway and I cried even harder. I was wailing on my brothers chest and I could find the will power to stop. "Bring her in here" Dex pulled me along and directed me into the living room where he rested me down on the sofa. I then moved to cry into my hands so they couldn't see me.

"What's going on?" I heard my dad soon coming in too and I broke even more. I was so scared that they were going to disown me if I decided to keep it. I was terrified that I would also never get the chance to be pregnant again if I chose to terminate it. I wanted to be a mother, I've always wanted to be one. But now is not the right time. "Blake why are you crying?" I could feel my dads large callous hands tapping my thighs to get my attention. He opened my hands up to see my face and I could feel my tears rolling down my cheeks one by one as I took my dads features in.

He was going to be so disappointed in me.

"Blake talk to us sweetheart. Why are you crying?" My moms soft voice pulled me out of my trance. I flicked my eyes to her and my mouth quivered with dread. "Whatever it is sweetheart you can talk to us" I nodded and hoped they would still be this calm when I told them. I was at a loss with that already, I knew my dad and Dex were going to flip once I told them.

"You've got to promise you won't be mad?" I begged them and my dad frowned at me in confusion. I knew he was confused but I knew he was also already mad and I haven't told him.

"Tell us now" he growled unimpressed and I froze. He was not going to like this at all.

"I...I..." I stammered.

"Blake" he warned me and I blurted it out.

"I'm pregnant" his face morphed into one of surprise. My mom gasped in shock while my brother leaned back onto the sofa for support. It looked like he wanted to run away from this conversation.

"Blake, are you messing with us?" My dad softened his tone because he knew I was so frightened of him right now. I shook my head no, and hung my head in shame.

"How long?" My mom probed.

"Just over four weeks" I answered her.

"That party you went to and shouldn't have gone to because you didn't get permission?" My dad intervened putting two and two together a lot quicker than i thought he would have. I nodded, they told me I couldn't go, but I went anyway. Mainly to keep Connie company so she wouldn't going alone. She'd been getting with Drew Sanders who played first string running back on the team for quite a while.

I could deny they were cute together and it took him forever to notice the kind and sweet girl that I knew she was. She had a crush on him since kindergarten. I was happy she found someone like him, he suited her and she suited him. They complemented each other.

He was not the player type, his mom raised him a single mother so he had major respect for women. He had a younger sister that he adored and was very polite towards everyone he met. He should have transferred some of that respect to his best friend, the guy that got me pregnant.

"Blake" he sighed and sat on the floor with a humph. "Who's the father?" He asked the dreaded question and I continue the stream of water down my cheeks. But this time, it was even worse.

"Grayson McKnight" I hiccuped, a sharp breath was inhaled from my dad. "He doesn't know yet" I added. The flood of shame, embarrassment and dread all hit me at once. I felt sick and it wasn't because of the morning sickness.

"How do you know it's him?" Dex asked me and I snapped my head around to face him in anger. He lit a fire in my stomach I bit back at him because he put me in that category in one sentence.

"Because I only slept with him! I was a virgin until that night Dex!" I yelled back and my mom squeezed my shoulder to silently tell me to calm me down.

"Sorry, I don't mean it like that... I just... I don't actually know what I meant by it..." he stared at the floor and he rubbed his hands up and down roughly along his face. Stressed and shocked all rolled up into one. Now they knew how I felt ever since I knew something wasn't quite right.

"Are you.. do you..." he stuttered but I knew what he was going to ask. The one question that loomed over us. The one question that my parents were only dying to ask. Because it not only effected me as person, it also effected them. This was our situation, not just mine.

"I don't know?" I breathed, defeated by this.

"You don't have to make the decision right away sweetheart" my mom soothed me first. "We're going to support you whatever you choose right, Dex?" my dads name was Dex too, my brother was DJ to everyone else but in our family he went by Dex too, it depended on the tone we knew which one we're talking about.

"Isn't he the quarterback going to Ohio State on scholarship?" He wondered and I nodded confirming that that's him. He was the most recruited football player in the country, with multiple colleges fighting for him to choose their college. He wanted to make it in the NFL and I had no idea about football, but my brother said he was exceptionally talented. I grew up with him and knew him since I was in kindergarten. He was obsessed with football from a very early age and always was. He eats, sleeps and breathe football and doe our town.

"Blake, you need to let him know, whatever choice you make honey. He deserves to know no matter what the outcome is" I nodded in agreement. I knew this was too much for my family to take in all at once. But they had to know, they were understanding but I knew they held onto some disappointment.

I was never the wild child even though the second child usually was. I was quiet, too quiet sometimes and minded my own business. I wasn't really your regular teenager. Sometimes I would spend the day in my room and just read or paint. I liked to journal and be alone or with Connie. I was very private and I've always been that way. I took after my dad and Dex took after my mom. I did good in school, not need level but I was a B student.

The one question I keep asking myself is how I landed in this position? Why me?

"I'll tell him on Monday" I agree with them.

********

I dragged my feet up the steps to the main entrance of school. I was our last week of high school. It was bitter sweet for me. I had dreaded telling him the news. I dreaded the talk with him and to see him.

Does he even remember me?

And that thought alone made it so much worse for me. What would I say if he didn't remember me? Why would I do?

I forced open the heavy right door of the main entrance and I was instantly greeted with a crowd of heckling and hollering at the football team and at one another. Excited they won state and excited that we were all graduating soon. I saw that blonde hair that I hoped I wouldn't see so soon.

Like he felt eyes on him, he caught my stare, he locked his eyes with mine. Smiled at me and then went about his own business.

Does he remember that night? Rambled over and over in my own head. Or was he just being polite? I was killing myself with all the overthinking and unanswered questions.

I took a deep breath and made my way over to head towards my locker, I meandered through the crowd to bypass people so I could get my books for the next class. I pushed as best as I could past the throng of warm bodies until I was met with he sight of the lockers lining the hallway.

I fixed my strap on my backpack and turned the dial on my lock so I could enter in the combination. The door swung back and I checked my timetable attached to the inside of the door. I have biology, English and then a free period. More like period free.

I was pulled out of my own thoughts with the sound of a large bang beside me. A large body leaned against the locker next to me. Once i saw who it was, he grinned at me. A huge panty dropping grin and my heart stopped.

I fucking hate him.

"Hi" I started nervously.

"Hey" He was slapped on the shoulders from behind and was told his friends are leaving for their first class.

"Can I talk with you for a quick moment?" I asked and his face morphed into one of curiosity. He nodded and directed me towards a hallway of classrooms, he checked one by one to see if they're empty.

"Great game on the Friday Gray!" Lexi, the head cheerleader purrs. I was blanked as per usual because I'm not part of her world. It didn't bother me, it never did. I never interacted with her and never wanted to, the feeling was mutual.

"Thanks Lexi" he grinned half heartily. She had been trying to lock him down since middle school but had been unsuccessful. I think she has been in love with him since day one. As much as I don't care for her, I knew that she struggled with it. You could see it in her face every time he was with another girl at a party or just out in general. I'd be telling a lie if I said he wasn't approached everywhere he went. He's annoyingly good looking, but I always wondered if he wasn't the star quarterback of the town would he have had the same appeal?

He friends zoned her more often than not and i knew that really hurt her. I also knew any girl that got in her path between him and her she would take her out and would leave no evidence. I can't say I understand because one I have never been in love with someone so I guess this is what they mean when they say people are crazy in love?

"We gotta go, I'll see you at lunch?" He moved around her remembering I'm still there. Her eye eventually latched onto mine and studied me for a brief moment as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Alright cool! See you later, Gray" she yelled after him and we kept walking in the other direction to find a quiet spot. Finally we found an open and free room down on the basement floor where nobody really goes. We walked inside and as soon as I spun around on my right heel, his lips latched onto mine and didn't give me anytime to think or let alone breathe. He roughly slammed me up against the wall and kissed me hard yet soft.

I pushed him back, and made him stumble for a moment. "What are you doing?" I asked him shocked that he did that. That's not what I came to do.

"What does it look like? I'm kissing you?" He smiled and leaned back in but I pushed him back again. "Is that not what you want to 'talk about'?" He used air quotes to emphasised he thought I wanted to make another pass at him.

"No, I actually do want to talk to you about something Grayson" I told him, my nerves were making an appearance again. He caught on. He stepped back away from me and found a desk. He sat on a desk three rows away from me. One foot on the chair and the other on the ground.

"What do you need?" He asked, a much colder tone than before.

"I don't need anything. I need to tell you something... something that will effect you. And me" he frowned slightly trying to decipher what I had just said. "Do you remember that night?" I asked unsurely. He smiled again and nodded proudly. I held the eye roll.

"Yeah, I remember that night. I thought I was coming down for round two. Best sex I've ever had" He complimented me but I just glared at him. "What? It's a compliment" he grinned and winked at me. This was not the side of him I liked, this was not the side of him that regretfully got me into bed with him. This is the side of him that I hated the most. The Grayson that I liked was a little less arrogant. I didn't like football, I didn't know anything about it, but I did like the way he spoke so passionately about it. About his childhood and his parents. How his grandma raised him during the summer months and his favourite snack is not a protein shake or bar but a s'mores pop tart with crushed Oreo's on top.

I didn't even know how to respond to that. So I said something I immediately regretted.

"You were my first" his eyes widen at the realisation that he did in fact take my virginity.

"First? As in I took your v card?" He asked as he tilted his head to the side.

"Do you have to be so immature about it? Yes! You took my fucking v card" I bit back annoyed with him and this conversation. I wanted it to be over with before the bell rang. I did not want to be late, most seniors didn't care about the last week of high school but I wanted to see Connie, who was in most of my classes, including the one I should have been on my way to.

"I'm sorry! I... is that why you wanted to talk to me?" He asked and I shook my head no. "Then what is it? I know this will piss you off, but I really want round two with you right now. You look really hot today" I deadpanned him to shut him up. "Worth a shot" he mumbled as he ran a hand through his hair. He leaned back on his hand that was flat on the table. "Come here and talk to me" He nudged his head at me to come close to him. I pushed myself off the wall and walk over to him. I sat myself on the desk opposite him and let my legs swing freely back and forth.

"It's serious" I said.

"You're not dying are you?" He asked sitting up straighter.

"No, will you just let me talk, Grayson!" I yelled at him to be quiet. It's so fucking hard to say with him opening his mouth every five seconds. That delicious -

Stop. Focus Blake.

He zipped his mouth playfully and stood up to walk over to me. He sat himself beside me, our legs were touching each other.

It was so hard to focus, because he's so annoyingly handsome and he knew it. He was using it to his advantage. I knew our baby was going to be so handsome, if it was a boy and if it was a girl it was going to be so beautiful.

I decided to keep the baby. I weighed out the pros and cons of raising a child all weekend with my parents and brother. I went back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. I drove myself demented all weekend. I decided; I wanted this child. I wanted our child.

"Grayson-" I didn't even know how to tell him when he was staring at me like that. When he approached me at the party, I hadn't realised he was talking to me. We talked all night about the most random things but i was nice. I was surprised he was even interested.

One thing led to another and I was in a room with him on top of me. I couldn't stop, I didn't want to either.

"I'm pregnant" I whispered to him. He jumped up away from me and stood back.

"You're what?" He squealed out in the quiet room. His eyes darted around the room like he wants to find the answer or redo button. I had that same look when I found out.

"Pregnant. I'm pregnant. It's yours and I've decided to keep it" I told him while he shook his head listening to all of this.

"You can't be! I wrapped i-" he stopped and slapped his hand on his face. "Fuck! I don't even remember if I did... fuck! My parents can't know. I have a football scholarship, I can't be a father. Not yet. You can't keep it" he begged me. "I'll pay for everything Blake, you can't keep it. Please this will ruin my chances of getting into the NFL. This is my career, I can't take care of a baby. I'm still a fucking child myself" he rambled uncontrollably thinking about himself and only himself.

He was so selfish.

Because it only affected him. Like I couldn't go to college until after I had the child. Even at that, I had to do night college because i have to find a good job to pay for our child. But that's what I had to do, to support my child. The one he was currently disowning.

"Grayson, this is our child-"

"No Blake. This is your child. I can't. I'm sorry" he grabbed his stuff and ran. He left me alone in the room. Alone in this predicament he put me in.

The anger was a lot for me that day. All that hatred i had for him rose to the surface and I knew I didn't want anything to do with him. I knew he was a dead beat. Some might say you can't dump that all on him, how about he can't dump it all on me either and that's what he's just done.

I knew then I didn't need him. I knew I could raise this baby on my own. I would give it all the love and support it needed. I would be there for it, not him.

I would. That was my child. MY child.

He ignored me for the rest of the week. The rest of our year as a senior. He never even looked at me, acknowledged me or spoke to me. I went back to nonexistent in his eyes. We graduated, we all celebrated, some prepared for going away to college and he left for Ohio State college on a scholarship for Football. In his fourth year, he got drafted, he made it to the NFL, as the star quarterback for the Dallas cowboys.

And then, he came back.