Chapter 1
I woke up with a jolt. Slowly, I got out of bed and peeked out my bedroom door. There, stood a dark figure glaring at me with a creepy smile. I closed my eyes for a second. I wondered if I was hallucinating. I breathed heavily while closing my eyes, waiting for the creature to disappear. When I opened my eyes it was gone.
"This isn't real," I whispered to myself. Thoughts ran through my head. I ignored them and told myself it was just a dream, I turned to go back to my bed. As I turned back, I saw the creature again. It was behind me the whole time. I stormed down the stairs and screamed for help.
The creature followed me as I ran. Once I reached my garden door, I pulled it with such force that I felt it break. I felt my face hitting the ground and mud smeared on my cheek. Suddenly, something grabbed my ankle.
I look up terrified, my eyes widen as a dark shadow stood above me. The creature pulled me into the long grass.
As I got dragged, I remembered the pocket knife my mum always tells me to carry around when she's at work. I reach into my pocket but it wasn't there.
Where is my knife!
Then, something shiny caught my eye. I reached out to get it grasping it as hard as I can so it won't fall out of my hand. I look at it with an eager grin.
I aimed the knife at the creature and blood flowed out of his body. His blood flowed onto me, soaking my clothes. The creature staggered out in pain.
I sprinted out of my backyard, through my kitchen gripped the front door handle. As I sprinted, I saw creatures everywhere. I thought my mind was just playing games with so I didn't bother.
I stopped sprinting. I'm nearly there!
I opened the door, I looked down and there I see my mum covered in blood, her eyes full of shock, her mouth hanging open.
I kneeled by her side crying but I hear a noise. I didn't pay attention to it at first but I hear it again I turn around, my vision blurry. I quickly wipe my tears away as it chased me down the aisle...






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I like your use of short, laconic sentencing to really ramp up the tension in these lines. They provide an effective opening that serves to hook the reader well. I personally would have liked more description of the stalking creature, but then again sometimes the things we don't see are the most terrifying things of all. Overall, strong start. I'm more than happy to provide a review once a few chapters are out. Do you have a plan for how long the story will be or are you updating the story weekly?
okay thank you for the advise. I am still working on the next chapter but I don't upload weekly.
I really loved it.