What is your opinion?
Good story
"It’s a great story behind it, but it was a little hard to read with the formatting. I liked it nonetheless. Happy writing! :)"
Companions For Life
"Excuse me if I sound harsh, but I tend to be as thorough and as honest as possible in my reviews. This is my personal opinion, so you can take it or leave it. You have a good plot and a good cast of characters. Sharhul seems so in love, and I like Farhat's stubborn attitude even though she's sometimes unreasonable. I can tell that she is in love with him as well. I don't know how old they are, but they are a sweet and childish couple even though they're married. The way you organize your story is a bit confusing, and I would have liked a clearer timeline of events to know what is happening before what. In the meeting between Saba and Farhat, Sharhul isn't present and doesn't know what talk took place between them, right? So, how is he remembering whatever happened between Saba and Farhat? Sharhul's conversations with his brain and heart felt overdone. Try to show more emotions and actions instead of just telling and narrating the story. When Sharhul stepped down the road to save Farhat, I didn't feel his fear for her. She feels irked? I can see the trauma in her face? Showing makes the reader feel a deep connection with the story. It conveys the actions and the feelings and builds a deeper emotional connection with your characters and hooks readers. Stick to real life. How to show and not tell: 1- Get rid of all basic sensory words (feel- smell- see-touch- hear- taste) and use strong verbs and other visual language. 2- Don't use "emotion explaining" words like: sad, happy, nervous, afraid etc... Instead, replace them with the physical reaction of the emotion. 3- Describe body language. Body language is what we use in real life to show. Pay attention to POVs, and dont mix them. Sharhul is the one telling the story but in chapter 1, you wrote: "Her heart snapped at her" About nodding 'yes' and nodding 'no'. Nodding is always a gesture of agreement, and shaking your head means 'no'. You have a lot of basic grammar mistakes and mistakes in prepositions. Verbs following singular nouns and pronouns take an 's', except the pronoun 'I'. Verbs after the pronoun 'I' don't take an 's'. Verbs after plural nouns don't take an 's' as well. The plural of 'foot' is 'feet', not 'foots'. Pay attention to the tenses, you're mixing tenses a lot and not keeping a consistent one. Also, don't use present participle all the time. There are missing punctuation marks and missing articles (a, an, the) as well. It's a good story, and it can benefit from editing so it'll shine even more! Don't give up, and keep writing! :)"
