Miss Kitty

Day One

Did you ever have one of those days that you thought would never end? You just spent ten straight hours of trying to convince someone that your product would be a money maker for them, and they let you give them your whole spiel, demonstrations and all, and then turn you down and walk out on you, leaving you standing there with your thumb up your ass. It’s exhausting, but I guess you can’t force someone to open their wallet.

My boss set me up in a nice hotel, but my room wasn’t ready when I got there, so the hotel management upgraded me to a suite. It had a living room, a bed room with a king-sized bed, a kitchenette, and a bathroom that was the size of my living room at home. It also had a jacuzzi, and a sauna. For as nice as my new room was, all I could think about was going down to the lounge and getting a stiff drink, or two, or three.

I got off the elevator and was immediately bombarded by signs directing me to the “New Long Branch Saloon”. I thought that it was a cute play on the fact that I was in Dodge City, Kansas. I sure didn’t expect a full-blown western motif, complete with swinging barroom doors and everything. It was like stepping onto the TV set of “Gunsmoke”. I looked around the room, all of the tables looked like poker tables, but instead of card games, they were covered with the aftermath of dinner time. I chose the bar, and picked the empty stool on the end, that gave me a nice view of the rest of the room. It must be the salesperson in me, but I like to people watch.

The bartender approached and asked what she could get for me. My eyes were immediately drawn to her chest. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t help myself. She wore a faded blue denim vest that was only fastened by the bottom button, exposing her cleavage that separated a pair of boobs that were so firm and perky, there is no way they could be natural. Above the pocket was her name tag, “Miss Kitty”. I laughed.

She pointed at the name tag and said, “It’s real.” Then she pointed at her boobs and said, “They’re not.” We both chuckled.

“Seriously,” she added, “my name is Katherine, but ever since I was little, my dad always called me Kitty. I like to think it helped me get this job. Of course, the girls didn’t hurt either. Bought and paid for them myself. What’s your name?”

“Sam.” I replied.

“So, what can I get you, Sam?”

I stopped staring long enough to look up and see the most amazing friendly smile. You don’t often see bartenders with sparkling blue eyes, blonde hair, and dimples, whose picture could easily be on the cover of almost any magazine.

“I am sorry. I am so embarrassed that I couldn’t take my eyes off of your…”

She stopped me in mid-sentence, and said, “It’s okay, that’s what I bought them for, to be noticed. Obviously, you, are getting my money’s worth. About that drink?”

“Oh, yeah, Jack, neat.”

“Wow, I didn’t picture you for that. Coming right up.”

I scanned the room, gazing at the people. I travel to a lot of different cities and meet all kinds of characters. One of the ways I keep myself occupied during my down time, is to make up stories about some of the interesting faces I see.

For instance, take the elderly couple sitting in the far corner. They look to be in their eighties and living very comfortably, judging by the way they are dressed. But what nobody knows is that in reality, they are flim-flam artists in search of their next victim.

Or, the young couple on the opposite side of the room, you can tell by the amount of makeup she’s wearing, and her pushup bra, that she is a high-priced call-girl, and he is her pimp, on his phone lining up another john for the evening.

Or, the beautiful girl with the overweight slob at the table next to the window. Wait a minute. It’s time for a reality check. That slob is the guy that I tried to ply my sales pitch to for the last ten hours.

Miss Kitty came back my way and leaned in, with her elbows on the bar, squeezing her boobs together. “Thought I’d give you an up-close and personal look.”

“Oh, so you’re a tease, too?”

“Someday, I’d like to go topless and show everybody. I’m proud of them, you know. They cost me a lot of money. Why should I hide them?”

“No reason.” I said smiling. “Say, what’s that guy drinking? The heavy slob by the window.”

“Draft beer, why?”

I told Kitty the scaled down version of my day, and how he ruined my whole trip by turning me down flat.

“Up for a little retaliation?” Kitty asked.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Buy the table a round of drinks. It’ll cost you about fifteen bucks, house discount.”

“I don’t get it, but by the look on your face, I’m intrigued. Okay.”

Kitty set up a tray with three mixed drinks and grabbed a new beer mug off the shelf. “Go to the restroom and pee in it. But don’t fill it more than halfway.”

I couldn’t believe what she was about to do, but even more amazing was that I was going along with it. I did what I was told and brought her back the mug. Kitty then topped it off with beer from the tap and delivered the tray to their table. As she set the glasses down, she pointed back at me. They all raised their glasses to me as if to toast me, and he took a big, long swig. I tried very hard not to laugh.

Kitty returned to her side of the bar. “So, how is your day going now?”

“A great ending to an otherwise crappy day.”