Chapter 1
“It’s a lovely morning! I have started liking it”. Daniel slowly spoke in an attempt to dodge conversation with the local boy, he was serving tea to Daniel and in parallel was trying desperately to initiate a dialogue.
“Sir, there is a view point; as close as twenty minutes of walk. You would love it! I will ask at reception, and they will take you there by cab”.
“Okay, so what's your name?” Daniel liked the proposal, a pleasant walk for such a spot was not a bad idea!
“They call me Kret.”
“Okay Kret, I will try it on my own. I love to walk, so I don’t need any help. By the way, thanks for your suggestion. Please excuse me now!”
“Okay Sir, call me if you need any help.” He didn’t wait further and left, seemed kind of a busy guy and eager for opportunities to serve guests; a good worker to have in a resort like this!
Daniel was born and brought up at Vasco da Gama, Goa. After completion of graduation, he started working for a multinational company and still continuing there. Daniel was in his early fifties, but in contrast already started feeling churned. It was mostly because of the intense work pressure since pandemic hit the universe. He was looking for a break, a real break from everything - from friends, families, colleagues, smart phone, web series and any such things which turns a human life monotonous and boring. That’s why he bought a simple phone just for the purpose of connectivity, hoping that holiday would be fueling him to continue for next few years! That was the purpose until that evening showed up!
Daniel booked this guest house at Manali via office web portal; it doesn’t remain overcrowded during winter, so he tried his luck. The guest house was pretty cool, it was two storied with plenty of rooms at each floor with a central lobby. His plan was to spend three nights over there until that evening showed up!
Danie followed Kret’s direction and reached to that observation point. Yes, Kret was not wrong; the view of Himalaya’s range, its layers were hard to describe. If Daniel would be in his early ages, he must had captured hundreds of photos by then. But after many years, his outlook had changed a bit. In his opinion, anything which is pleasant to the eyes should be experienced mostly through eyes, sometimes there are unique smell and vibes attached to the places which a mechanical or a digital lens would never be able to capture. Though he was carrying his favorite DSLR at most of the places, its usage remained minimum. After spending over an hour over there he planned to visit there again during dawn on the next day, it could be once in a life experience watching Sun rises through the mountain ranges, worth in compromising a morning nap.
There was not much to do in the early afternoon around the mall, local shops were open but not crowded. As tourists were mostly engaged in sight seeing, mall also used to remain quite at that time of the day. Daniel used to like window-shopping but got bored quickly as most of the shops had similar set of gift items; it was not of his interest. If it would be a book or an electronic shop, he wouldn’t mind spending hours there. However, expecting those were too much in there!
Daniel already had finished lunch before he had left for the mall. He checked his G-shock wristwatch which was showing three in the afternoon, and decided to come back to the resort. While coming in through the big wooden entrance of the resort and passing the common hall, Daniel noticed a soccer match was being telecasted over a big flat LCD television. It was a live match! It was Saturday and English Premier League was running between Manchester United and Liverpool, what a surprise! Without wasting anytime, he grabbed a corner place on the L-shaped couch and ordered a latte coffee. There was no one else watching it, but he didn’t mind; he didn’t need company for watching such a live match, especially when no one was able to confine Salah in the ground. Such a classy player he is to watch!
“Who watches game while in a tourist place! Such a waste of time. Could you switch the TV channel?” A lady in low voice was instructing the receptionist while completely ignoring the presence of Daniel. It was so irritating, but Daniel had decided not to confront as people have their own choice, and it was a common place. The receptionist quietly changed for a music channel. The lady was not alone and facing towards the TV, so he couldn’t spot her and neither hand any interest. Daniel stood up, decided to go back to his room and try for connecting the same channel from there.
For few seconds, the world stopped in front of Daniel when he spotted that woman – it was Rachel! Daniel had a sense when heard her voice from back, but he ignored as Rachel’s voice was always flowing through his mind for last ten years. Daniel rather thought it was side-effect of thinking about someone in every minute. He started thinking in a flash “Why it is now? How should I react? Should I react at all?” She was wearing a traditional Indian outfit, age couldn’t make much effect on her outlook, neither on her voice and attitude. Daniel took her eyes off quickly to keep himself steady, it would not make any sense at that point of time!
“Daniel……Hey Daniel!” Daniel was trying to leave the lawn without being noticed by anyone, even by the receptionist, but that didn’t work as planned. Rachel’s excitement was worth watching, she promptly covered the hallway and stood in front of him. This was enough for Daniel to stop.
You are avoiding me! – Rachel asked with surprise. “I have recognized you, but I was not sure.” Daniel replied. ”Oh! You were not sure that if it is Rachel. It must be your age.” She replied with her eyelids squeezed, this was how Rachel typically behave in anger; rather used to behave. “Yes, I agree, and I am old now.”
“Hmm, you don’t look so; it could be more in your mind!” After the initial icebreaker they found themselves in silence. “So, you are here with your family? Your daughter must be in her teens now, isn’t it? How is she?” Daniel asked. Rachel looked at him and said, “What is your room number?” Daniel looked straight to her eyes and said, “I must leave, enjoy your stay here!”
Rachel slowly came back and rested herself on the couch, her eyes were pointed towards the television but focused on infinite. Monica had no clue on what happened for last few minutes, was observing Rachel closely though. Monica and Rachel became close friends since undergraduate days, after many years they planned that trip just for two of them. Keeping their families in hometown, they decided to be somewhere far from their baggage of life and feel the same way that they used to during those golden days. “Who the hell is he? Isn’t he a bit rude to you? And why were you behaving like a teenage girl?” Monica finally charged her best friend. “You don’t know him; he is not at all a person with rude personality.” Rachel quietly answered but focus was still far behind the TV, far behind the glass window, probably somewhere between Himalaya’s range. “Do I know him?” Monica asked. “No, will tell you, our story; but not now.” Rachel replied. “Wow!” Monica couldn’t find more words as it was enough to surprise her about Rachel.
“So, what’s the plan now?” Monica asked, they initially planned for window shopping at mall after lunch; but not sure if that was still on or not. “Let’s go as we planned, but I need to rest for half an hour. Shall we start after an hour?” Rachel replied. Monica nodded her head, they left the lobby, took the lift for second floor; their twin sharing room number was 206.
Rachel was lying on the bed, probably taking a power nap. Monica didn’t disturb her; she was not sure of what was going on with her friend. “It is good to have a quick walk around the resort, staying in room seems waste of time”, with that thought she left the room.
Monica was passing by a butterfly garden; it was kind of artificially made but she could spot few butterflies. Eventually she also spotted Daniel over there who was trying to frame two butterflies together, they were sitting in a single flower. “May I?” she asked, Monica found Daniel pretty interesting, Rachel was not talking anything about him and that was making her more anxious. Daniel looked at her, thought for few seconds and then replied “Oh Yes, please try. Be careful else they will fly away”; he was handing over the camera to Monica. “No, I don’t need that. Actually, I was asking for your name. I don’t know your name.” He smiled at her and said, “I am Daniel, an old friend of Rachel. I am sure that my name is not worth mentioning to anyone.” “Not really as I am very close to her!” Monica desperately replied.
But she mentioned about you to me on many times. So, how long will you be here? – Daniel asked
We booked two nights & 3 days package, and You?
I will be checking out on tomorrow – Daniel instantaneously decided to leave the space at the earliest, He was not ready to face Rachel again in his life. He already caused lot of embarrassment and pain for her; doesn’t matter who was responsible for that and who was not!
Oh really! Okay. Excuse me, she is calling – Daniel could see in her screen as ’Rachel is calling” was popping up. Daniel waved his hand to say goodbye and left the butterfly garden. Nothing was going as per his plan!
It was around eight in the evening, Daniel finished diner few minutes back, he thought of ordering food, but then decided to be at the dining hall; it was more convenient and social. He instructed Siri to wake him up at 4’o clock, to witness sunrise from that viewpoint. There was a beautiful wall painting of a local girl, carrying woods; Daniel was not a good artist but was trying his luck with pencil sketch. Pencil sketching was his favorite drawing pattern in childhood, few sweet memories were surfacing while he kept sketching. Suddenly he heard someone knocking the door, it was half past nine; who could it be?
Daniel literally felt like the ground was shaking in front of him, It was Rachel waiting outside! What a beauty! She seemed pretty comfortable with her sleeveless top and the pajama. However, it seemed that she was the only person comfortable with the outfit, seeing her in dressed like that and more of her presence in front of his door – he literally felt his feet were shaking along with the ground!
“May I come in? Shall I? Whatever question suits you grammatically.” – Rachel asked, she was looking directly at Daniel’s eyes. Her look made him uncomfortable for a moment, there were many instances in past where Daniel tried to make her grammatically correct and that was the context of the last sentence. “Can we sit on a couch in the lobby and talk? My room is not properly organized.” Daniel replied in feeble voice, his brain was not properly functioning. “There are two issues in that. First of all, do you think that I am properly dressed to be in the lobby? Secondly have you lost enough guts in last few years to be with me behind a closed door, will that be the first time?” Rachel was talking with her hands crisscrossed. At that point of time Daniel realized two things. “First of all, his so-called resistance would not work that night, and secondly the plan for next day's sunrise is just off!”
“I didn’t mean it Rachel, please be my guest. You shut the door and give me few seconds, let me organize the room quickly for you.” Daniel quickly tried to pull his used dresses from the couch, wiped it with a towel and asked her to settle. “How many pegs of drink did you have?” he asked as it was evident after seeing the way Rachel literally navigated and settled her in the couch. There was no answer to that but within few seconds Rachel literally laid down on the couch. Then she started to talk -
So, how is life? Mr. Daniel.
It was predictable until few minutes ago. How is your family? Tell me about the little Sonia.
Family is good, following your words; it is stable. Sonia is becoming like me as she is growing up. Actually, I and Monica planned for this solo trip, just to rejuvenate ourselves. What is your story? Did you know that we will be here? Are you following me, by any chance?
"I can’t remember if I had ever done that. But purpose is same for all of us, the only difference could be that you have a company, and I am on my own. But, really happy and excited to know that Sonia will become like her mother; that’s the best she could have." Daniel took a deep breath after finishing.
Then came silence for few minutes, Rachel picked up her iPhone and started browsing. Lights from the mobile screen reflecting on her face but at that time, he instructed his mind not to distract with that beauty. This typical and alluring posture of Rachel reminded him of old days, but those were past!
“So, was it my fault? In the entire tenure of our relationship, should I be the only one carrying the culpability of the outcome? Seriously?” Rachel tried to lift herself while speaking but couldn’t manage and again laid over the couch. “See Rachel, you know me – not a good speaker, not even in my closed group. So, to make a long story short; it was never your fault. More of it, if it was not you, the friendship could never last. Both of us know that there were areas where I failed miserably, couldn’t learn from my mistakes, and never had the courage to face it. But you should also know that neither of us was wrong; probably it was all about the time. It could have been different if we met few years earlier.” - he replied.
Daniel continued, “It was on the eve of the great festival, your flight was scheduled to reach in early evening. I was outside, couldn’t remember what I was doing exactly. While seeing a flight flying low and preparing for landing, I thought it must be yours and started feeling happy. And right after few days, you asked me not to contact you anymore - you had valid reasons! Then I started realizing that it was all about expectation and most important was manage expectation. Until we so, we are putting friends, loved ones in trouble and that’s not sustainable too! But saying and doing are two different things, eventually I struggled on that for last few years and still struggling but I will conquer one day – that’s what I believe. Even now you keep coming to my thought almost in every minute. Not sure of why I am letting you to know this, but it shouldn’t matter to you anymore. My utmost priority was and is to see you safe and healthy; happiness is just a state of mind. Sorry, probably couldn’t make the long story short!”
Daniel was feeling exhausted, for a moment he looked at Rachel; her eyes was almost filled with water, glittering with the reflection of the illuminated mobile screen. Rachel noticed that he was looking at her, then said –
Have you ever seen me crying?
Not seen but heard you crying over phone during one of our conversation.
Do you remember how many times we picked up fight in between us?
No, don’t have exact count!
Do you know why that incident was not like others? Why couldn’t we patch up after that incident like we did earlier? I know the answer, it was your ego. It could be as simple as having a call or a texting massage from you; that should be it.
You could also do it, isn’t it? Was that I who every time tried to fix things in past? But you didn’t do it and I know that you don’t have an ego issue. You didn’t do it because, that incident did hurt you. I also realized that keep things running will keep hurting you.
So, you tried to return a favor to me? To see me safe and healthy in return, isn’t it? - This is the first time on that day where Daniel couldn’t read her mind but replied “Did I have any choice, Rachel?”
Their eyes met, but for few seconds only. Rachel didn’t take her eyes off while Daniel was focusing on a wall painting, she asked –
Better luck in next birth – do you remember saying it?
Your thought decides your next birth, but if that’s not coming true then I wouldn’t wish for another human life. It’s complicated.
What would happen if we meet each other again, in next birth?
I wouldn’t wish for it anymore, don’t want to be cause of your misery again! I won’t be able to do it to the same person again and again!
I would suggest bringing positivity on your soul. This is not the same person I knew!
After few seconds, Rachel said again “I must leave, Monica will be waiting for me and should be worried by now. Could you please knock room 206 and ask her to be here? I need help.” Daniel slowly locked the door, went upstairs, and rang the bell. There was no answer after many attempts, he had no other option to come back. “Your Monica is not answering, I rang the bell five times though.”
Then!
Do you have the key? Check your wallet.
No, I don’t have; but I am sure if I knock the door then she will open. I should leave now; it is already late.
Rachel couldn’t handle herself while trying to stand-up, somehow managed to hold the edge of the couch. Daniel quickly hold her both shoulders with his hands to stabilize her. It was probably the first time where they found themselves so close to each other. Smell of her perfume, her shining face, the water-filled glittering eyes, highlighted silky hairs, those heavy breathing, sweet smell of her sweat and most importantly her close presence were something that couldn’t be resisted, or shall I say shouldn’t be. A man or a woman can never oppose nature's rule, there could be debate later on whether the act was right or wrong. However, both of them found that they still have the ability within themselves to control as it might not be the right time. The time might had left already! They always believed intimacy of minds, because the other side of the coin was not as much worth as it always seems.
“Enjoy intimacy, do not dominate it, Daniel!” Rachel whispered. She was becoming weak and was unable to control her motion; it normally happens when someone drinks heavily and takes strain together. Daniel did let her settle again on the couch, that time he helped to put her legs straight over the couch, put a blanket on top of her, lowered the room temperature. Knowing her history of falling from couch in similar situation, he attached the center table with the couch; it would work as a support if she started rolling.
Daniel was kind of no-state mind, he kept walking slowly in the room. It would take years for him to come out of those few moments of intimacy. Then he realized that it was just waste of time trying to forget her. Then he decided to take rest but what were the options! Daniel took out a spring jacket from his travel bag, dim the light and silently wished good night before leaving the room. "There might be enough space and options in lobby for him to spend the rest of the night" - he thought before leaving his room.
Daniel quickly checked his wristwatch right after opening eyes on the lobby couch corner – its nine o’clock!
“Good morning, Sir!” Kret greeted. “Sorry, I fall asleep.” Daniel replied. Kret assured him that it was fine with his body language. Daniel requested him for two cups of coffee in the room and rushed to his room. He already had the keys with him, but Rachel was not there; the blanket was still on the couch. Daniel checked the toilet, but she was not there. A long, deep, and heavy breathing came out of him; suddenly he felt like a lonely mountain. Was yesterday night the best and sweetest moment between them? She was not in her control, but would she mind from his behavior of last night? Did he cross the borderline? So many questions were floating around him, and he was not sure if he will be able to face her again!
Daniel after seeing Rachel on previous day decided to propone the check-out from the resort. He still had few hours to pack up, find another hotel. But then didn’t feel like leaving the resort. How can the mindset fluctuate so much for a mature person? He was surprised about his own behavior.
Daniel was doing the final check? Anything left? Other than the memory? No. Then good to go. Daniel closed the door, walked through the lobby for the reception desk. Formalities were over in few minutes, soon he was good to leave. For the last time he looked back, there were few found in the lobby; the one he was expecting was not there.
Manali is full of hotels, so it was an easy choice for him. Kret arranged a nice hotel for Daniel, with a small token amount as a service charge. The next day was usual and uneventful; but his mind remained unset.
Train to the hometown was at late evening, so he spent the entire day in shopping with light lunch, but his eyes were looking for that face. Daniel left hotel well ahead of time, boarded on bus for Kalka station. It was a long journey from Manali to there, almost ten hours which made him tired and was eagerly waiting for the train to arrive. Daniel booked a birth in two-tier AC, so it would be a nice and sound sleep for the night. The train finally arrived. He was not in rush to board as it was the terminal station; the train stops there for half an hour.
“Are you really following us?” suddenly he realized someone was asking him, turned around and found Monica in front of her while Rachel was negotiating with the porter. Daniel smiled at Monica and replied, “Would suspect the same if I would be in your position. I booked the train two months back, just FYI.” “Hmm, highly suspicious!” With a teasing tone Monica took her luggage and boarded the first-class compartment. Rachel was passing by Daniel, suddenly stopped. She seemed not to be surprised seeing Daniel here, she probably noticed him few moment ago. Rachel smiled and said –
So, it’s a small world! Don’t you agree?
How are you now?
Why? What happened to me?
Okay, you are fine now.
So, you are relieved now? Seeing me fine? – Daniel dared to answer that. His heart was still out, somewhere revolving around that lady.
Always remember those words I said - enjoy intimacy, do not dominate it.
She paused for few seconds, looked here and there, and continued –
And thanks for the couch, blanket, dimming light and most importantly your conduct. It showed you didn’t change, don’t change yourself for others.
I accept it for the couch and etc. But your last few words are part of my basic integrity, and I am proud of it, no need to thank for it. It is always there.
Yep, and you were more confident of it than me at that night. Probably first time in my life I was thinking of not being in control anymore on myself; may be, I still hold faith and count on you - Rachel’s tender tone turned gradually into smile, those dimples became prominent again as her smile was getting wider. She was constantly looking into his eyes while speaking. Daniel gradually infected with her smile, started smiling but looking at somewhere else.
This was one of such moments between them which used to take away all of their grievance, allegation, confusion, anger and used to bring back the purest thing in the universe. Now if someone asks me, “What is that purest thing?”, I would say as narrator of the story that dear reader - it is to feel and not to name.
