Chapter 1
Prologue
She didn’t hear the phone ringing at first. Her sleep was so deep that it wasn’t until her roommate threw something at her that she even rose to semi-awareness.
“Shut off your damn phone,” Larissa growled and buried her face into her pillow.
Skylar rubbed at her eyes and realized her ringtone was bellowing out the obnoxious tritone ringer she’d set it to last. “Sorry,” she muttered and grabbed it from her end table. She managed to mute it before looking at the ID. Why was her mother calling her?
“’Lo?” she choked out. Larissa let out a loud grunt of frustration. “Mom, it’s 5:30 in the morning.”
“Skylar.”
The tone in her mother’s voice made her pause. She sat up in bed and looked over at Larissa, who had stuck her head under the pillow. “Mom, what is it?”
“It’s Delaney.”
“What about Delaney? Is she okay? Was she in an accident?”
There was a long pause, then, “No. Not exactly. Sky, she- she-”
Skylar couldn’t speak. A tight dread filled her chest. Her cousin Delaney was more like her sister.
“Skylar, your cousin was found in the alley behind Carraway’s Clock Tower. I- That is-” Her mother drew in a shuddering breath. “The police think she jumped.”
Chapter One
Skylar stared down at the marble counter top where she sat on a bar stool. Her phone was sitting next to her untouched plate of food. The quite hum of discreet conversation didn’t even register. It was as if people were too afraid to speak above a quiet tone, lest they shatter the precarious serenity. Her phone buzzed and the screen lit up with a text notification. She turned her phone over without checking the name.
“Skylar, sweetie, you should eat something.”
Skylar looked up at her dad. His eyes were bloodshot, and she knew it was because he had barely slept since they got the news about Delaney. “You should too, Dad.” She looked around him at the gathered guests. Most of them had already given their condolences at the funeral home, so she was glad none of them had approached her here at the wake. “How’s mom holding up?”
Her dad sighed and ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair. “I think the fact that Sarah never showed up did her in. She won’t leave the bedroom.”
Skylar looked over her shoulder at the people who had invaded her childhood home. “I’m glad Uncle John is here,” she said. Her father’s older brother was moving around the house, greeting people and being the organized one. He wasn’t related to Delaney at all, as Delaney was Skylar’s cousin through her mom’s sister Sarah.
“Me too.” Her dad sat on the barstool next to her. “Your mom is blaming herself. She thinks that if she’d fought harder against Sarah to adopt Delaney, she could have saved some of the trauma she went through.”
“Sarah is a bitch.”
Normally, her father would have taken her to task for that statement, but the grief was too strong in his eyes to even muster up a token bit of indignation. “I’m going to try to get your mother to eat something.” He reached for Skylar’s plate with a questioning look. Skylar nodded. He took the plate and stood back up. He disappeared into the hallway and she could hear his footsteps on the stairs.
Her phone vibrated again. She flipped it over to see that it was an email notification from one of her professors. She could deal with that after everyone left the house. She’d missed a week of classes, and while she had bereavement leave, she would still have to make up all the work.
Her uncle walked into the kitchen, a young man in a dark suit at his heels. “Sky, this is Detective Bartlett. He was one of the officers who investigated Delaney’s death.”
Skylar put her phone down and stood up to shake his hand. He was handsome, with dark hair and bright blue eyes, almost as vivid as her own. He seemed familiar, but she wasn’t sure if it was because he might have been at the visitation or funeral, or if she’d seen him around town at some point when she wasn’t on campus. “Thank you for coming, Detective.”
“Please, call me Ben.” He held her hand for a moment and gave it a squeeze. He let it go before it became awkward. “I’m so sorry about your cousin. Your uncle here told me you two were very close.”
“Like sisters,” Skylar said. She tugged at the hem of her black dress and pointed her gaze to the floor.
“I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
Skylar looked up at Ben for a moment, then shot her gaze back down to the floor. Why had her uncle brought him over to bother her? “Yeah,” was all she managed to say.
“Where’s your father?” Uncle John asked.
“He’s trying to get mom to eat something.”
“I won’t bother him then. I need to go refill the water pitcher. Excuse me.”
Skylar watched him leave with a frown. Ben was still standing where John had left him.
“Do you mind telling me where the bathroom is?”
Thankful that she could get rid of him, she gave him a weak smile. “It’s down the hall, first door on the left.”
“Thank you.” Ben nodded at her and left the kitchen. She let out a sigh and sat down. Her dad had explained that at first the police weren’t sure if she’d jumped or had been pushed, so the police had brought in a crime scene unit. After reading the last several texts and social media posts on Delaney’s phone, they realized right away that it had, indeed, been a suicide.
Skylar wasn’t keen on talking to someone who’d delved into that aspect of Delaney’s life, someone who was so coldly detached. Not that Ben had seemed cold. Quite the opposite, actually. Regardless, it made her uncomfortable. Some of those texts had been to and from her.
Someone else entered the kitchen, and Skylar nearly growled in frustration. Any sound died on her lips when she saw who it was. “Caleb,” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”
He looked quite different from the last time she’d seen him. He’d dressed up in dress pants and a black collared shirt and tasteful tie. His dark hair was combed. He still had all of his ear piercings and nose ring, though. Several captive bead rings glittered from his ears. He stuck his hands in his pockets and managed to look almost bashful. “Delaney was a great kid. She was my friend too.”
“I know.” Skylar pushed away from the counter to stand up once again. “I just didn’t expect you to come. After everything-” she trailed off.
Caleb shrugged. “It’s not about us. It’s about her. I wish I could have made it to the funeral, but I couldn’t change shifts.”
“It’s okay.” Skylar crossed her arms over her chest. “Delaney would have understood.”
They stood in the kitchen, looking at each other in a haze of awkwardness. The last time they’d spoken hadn’t been this civil. She didn’t have anything to say to him anymore.
“God, your parents must be going through hell.”
Sky didn’t answer.
Caleb ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s fine. It’s better than the meaningless platitudes I’ve heard from everyone else. It’s like no one can fathom that Delaney killed herself but they also can’t use their stupid phrases like ‘Everything happens for a reason!’ Because she jumped off a clock tower. So they just kind of pat me on the arm and tell me time heals all wounds or some shit.” Skylar let out a huff. “Whatever happened to just saying, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ and going off to mind your own damn business?” She sat down on the barstool and dropped her head into her hands. “Caleb, I don’t think I can do this. I can’t be here another minute.”
“Come on.” Caleb took her by the elbow and steered her out the kitchen door and into the backyard. He’d only been to her house a handful of times, but he still knew his way around. The fall air was crisp enough that Skylar shivered a bit at the breeze. Caleb didn’t let go until they were at the playhouse her father had built for her and Delaney when they were small. “Go inside. If anyone asks where you are, I’ll say you went out to get more ice or something.”
“No one would believe that. I have a strict policy of not buying ice when you can make it for free.”
Caleb smiled then, and it seemed to shift the mood drastically. The day was bright, too bright for a funeral. The leaves were starting to turn brilliant shakes of red and yellow. “I’ll make up a better lie. I’ll stay a bit and then I’ll leave so you won’t have to deal with me anymore.”
Skylar nodded and wiped at her eyes. She was already starting to tear up just standing next to the play house. She ducked into the small doorway and sat down on the child sized chair within. Caleb didn’t say anything else, just trotted back to the house. She watched him leave, an ache in her heart. The fact that he’d risk her anger and embarrassment by coming touched her.
The playhouse had been built for two little girls, and she smiled through her tears as she saw the painted walls. She and Delaney had begged to be able to make their own murals. The results were of mixed quality. Mermaids, fairies, and dragons abounded on each wall, with varying levels of childlike skill. Two chairs and a little table were the only furniture, along with an old chest her father had waterproofed. Two shuttered windows were on the side of the playhouse facing the actual house. They hadn’t been opened in a decade, and Skylar wasn’t even sure if they could still open.
Skylar sat in the playhouse, daydreaming about happier days. She didn’t know how long she was there, but the shadows through the doorway had lengthened, and she was stiff from sitting on the too-small chair. She was about to stand up when her uncle popped his head in the doorway.
“Caleb told me you were here,” he said. “Most everyone’s gone.”
Skylar stood up and followed her uncle to the house. “I was just thinking about when we were kids. Delaney loved the playhouse. I remember she convinced me to spend the night there when she was six and I was nine. We got so scared because we thought we heard someone in the bushes. We ran inside.” She laughed and shook her head. “It was probably the neighborhood raccoons.”
“You both had such big imaginations.” Uncle John opened the door for her. When she went in, she saw Delaney’s best friend Missy sitting at the kitchen table. The poor girl had been so devastated that she’d had to leave the funeral home during the visitation because her sobs had been so wrenching. She swiped at her eyes even now, desperately trying to wipe the tears from her raw cheeks.
“Oh, Missy.” Skylar walked over and bent down to pull the girl into a hug. Missy clung to her, sniffing.
“Her room is exactly the same,” Missy said and coughed. She pulled away from Skylar to cough into a tissue. “Like she’s just going to come home and sit on her bed and text me any minute.”
Skylar looked up at John, who nodded and left the room. Skylar sat down on the other chair and took Missy’s hand. “I know. I keep thinking I’m going to turn the corner and she’ll be running up the stairs.”
“I knew she was having some issues, but I never thought . . .” Missy trailed off and blew her nose. “I should have known. She was posting some really weird stuff on Blue the past couple of weeks.”
“Blue?”
“It’s this social media site. You have to be invited to get on it. It’s kind of like Facebook, I guess, but more like a forum?” She shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just a dumb social media site like all the other ones. But she was posting some weird stuff, and her last message before she jumped was so disturbing. I didn’t even see it until after I found out.”
“What did the message say?”
Missy licked her lips and grabbed her phone from her purse. “Um, let me look it up.” She unlocked the phone and scrolled through her apps. A blue square with no text on it popped up, and she pressed it. When it opened, the entire screen was blue with white text. Missy entered her username and password and then clicked through a few screens. “Here.” She handed her phone to Skylar. “That’s Delaney’s page.”
Like all the other screens, it was blue with white text. In large letters, the top said DeLaneyLane, with her age beneath it. 17 years old.
The brief bio was pure Delaney. Wannabe artist, wannabe writer, wannabe musician. I just can’t choose! It made her smile for half a second until she read on.
October 2, 2:30 AM:
I go to live in the sky. I love you all.
#salomesalomeAmanitaphalloides
This is where I end.
“The police put her time of death right around that time,” Skylar said. “She must have jumped right after posting it. They never said anything about this app.”
Missy took her phone back and ducked her head. “Skylar, she left her phone on the top of the clock tower when she jumped, right? Well, your dad let me look at her phone since I have her lock screen code. The app wasn’t on there.”
“What do you mean?” Skylar frowned.
“I mean, unless the police are in the business of deleting apps on evidence, she must have deleted it herself and intentionally left her phone behind. Which doesn’t make any sense because she knew I was on Blue, and a couple of our other friends. She couldn’t have been trying to hide that she used the app.”
“Are you saying the cops didn’t see this app on her phone?”
Missy shook her head. “I was going to show it to that detective who was here, but he left before I could.”
“I don’t know what they’d do about it,” Skylar said.
Missy shrugged. “I just thought that hashtag was really weird. I tried searching for it on Blue, but nothing else came up, and google didn’t have anything either.”
“Maybe it’s from one of her stories. We haven’t gone through her laptop yet, or anything in her room.”
Missy nodded then. “Thanks for listening, Skylar. Will you tell me if you figure out what that hashtag means?”
“Of course.” Skylar reached forward to give the girl another hug. “Call me any time, okay? Delaney loved you.”
Missy wiped her eyes with another tissue. “I know. She told me.” She sniffed. “I just wish I’d told her I loved her too.”
“She knew.′
Missy stood up and nodded again. Skylar walked her to the door, gave her one last hug, and watched her walk down the pathway and head towards home. Missy and Delaney had become friends when they were both kids. Missy lived a block away, and her family had a pool. Delaney had decided she’d wanted to be best friends with Missy for that reason alone. Before she realized it, Missy had become much more than a convenient friend with a pool.
When Skylar went upstairs to her bedroom, she could hear the murmur of voices. Her mother and father. She didn’t want to intrude, so she walked into her bedroom. Most of her clothes were gone, as well as many of her books and posters. Being at college for nearly two and a half years was a strange time of transition. She didn’t have much room in her dorm, so she’d left a lot of things at home. Not enough to make it feel like it used to in high school.
Skylar sighed and laid on her bed, her phone beside her on the comforter. The last conversation she had with Delaney was going through her head. It had been through text, the day before she’d jumped. Delaney had been fretting about some relationship drama, and Skylar had tried to help. Not that she was any shining example to follow when it came to relationships.
But Delaney had been encouraged by Skylar’s efforts. At least that’s what the impression Skylar had gotten. Apparently not encouraged enough.
With half a mind, Skylar grabbed her phone and opened the app store. She searched for “Blue” and a host of different types of apps came up. After a lot of scrolling, she finally found the blue square icon she was looking for. The description was pretty sparse. Apparently whoever created the platform wasn’t interested in promoting it. Connect with your friends was all it said. Why had Delaney and Missy joined it? It didn’t seem their style at all.
There were very few ratings, and all of them were empty 5 star reviews. Skylar wondered if there was another purpose for the platform, something that would slip under the radar. Was it file sharing? Thinspiration? Something illegal? Who even used apps when they could use a Tor browser? With a frown, Skylar downloaded it.
When she opened it, like on Missy’s phone the screen was blue. In white text, she saw a registration form.
Desired Username: Sky_blue
Age: 20
email: [email protected]
It was pretty barebones, so she hit enter. After a moment, a message popped up.
Welcome to Blue. Click here to get started.
There wasn’t much to do after that. She simply had to fill in a few of her interests, favorite music, books, and foods. It was like a bad version of Facebook. There wasn’t even an option of connecting her address book to add friends.
Remembering Delaney’s user name, she scrolled back to the top of the screen and hit the search icon. She typed in Delaney’s name and her cousin’s page popped up, just as it had been on Missy’s phone with the exception of a line under her name that read follow this user. Sky didn’t click on it. Instead, she scrolled down past her final post. There were a few pictures, mostly selfies of Delaney. She wasn’t smiling in any of them.
In one picture, Delaney was wearing dark eye make up, bright red lipstick, and was gazing into the foreground, not at the lens. She could just barely make out a sculpture in the background of a gorilla. Delaney had been at the zoo, apparently. The caption underneath it simply read The animals are happier in cages.
That didn’t seem like something Delaney would write. Even if she’d been sad and depressed lately, weird poetic imagery like that wasn’t her thing. Most of her other posts were her mentioning that she wasn’t feeling well, that she was sad, that she was having problems in romance.
I feel like I’m torn apart. This sucks. I just want to be in love. I don’t think Skylar understands. She tries, but the last time she was interested in someone she screwed it up really badly. I didn’t know how to tell her that I thought what she did was pretty crappy, so I just let her cry about it. She always does that for me, let’s me cry over whatever stupid person I’ve been in love with at that time.
But this time. I don’t know. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.
The mention of her name set Skylar on edge. It hadn’t been a secret to her that Delaney was pissed about how things went down with Caleb. But her cousin had tried to hide it, at least. Skylar licked her lips and scrolled down more.
Again, it was a picture of Delaney from the first day of school. She was wearing a skirt and t-shirt, and her curly hair was let loose. She’d worn no make up.
I can’t wait until this fucking year is over.
Skylar didn’t have the heart to read anymore, at least not yet. She went back to her page and saw that she already had two private messages. One was obviously a bot named Blue_Sky, which made her pause before she read the message.
Welcome to Blue! You can take comfort in knowing that Blue does not share any personal information and the highest of security has been enabled.
If you have any questions, problems, or need help with troubleshooting, please reply to this message and the admin will get back to you.
Your friendly Blue Bot,
Blue_Sky
The second message was from someone named KaseyKrow
Dude, do you know how many people have your name on here? You should change it.
Apparently there could be duplicate names, which just seemed strange to her. But then again, it seemed that some people did use their real names for part of their handles. Delaney had used her real name, and Kasey was a real name.
She ignored both messages and went back to her cousin’s page. She noticed there was a number at the top left of the screen. 867. She clicked on it, and a list of usernames popped up. That must be how many followers she had. They were arranged in alphabetical order. Most of them were, indeed, portmanteaus using real names. Whether or not it was the user’s given name, she wasn’t sure.
There were four Sky_Blues following DeLaneyLane. Well, at least she’d be anonymous.
The blue screen was making her eyes hurt, so she put her phone aside and closed her eyes. One thing was clear from Delaney’s posts. She’d been depressed for awhile.
Skylar didn’t know what to do with that information. She’d known that Delaney had problems. She just hadn’t realized how deep they ran.
She rolled over onto her side and curled into a ball. If only she had spent more time with Delaney, had actually paid attention to what her cousin had said... If only she hadn’t been so wrapped up in school. If only, if only, if only.
Delaney was gone forever.
