Cøugh Medicine
By The Absølute Best Versiøn of Tyrøne Yet…
The Junkie!
Ha Ha Ha Ha!
I was walking on the sidewalks, feeling a bit funny, a bit odd.
Something wasn’t quite right.
Or maybe everything was just too right.
I saw a woman.
She was walking but not moving forward.
Like an npc trying to move through an invisible wall.
Her movements were strange, every move had the exact same posture as the other.
I felt like if I were to walk in front of her and take a peek at her face, I’d either break the simulation and glitch out, or I’d simply witness a pixelated unloaded face.
Are we in a simulation?
Am I just too high?
Were we always in a simulation?
Am I just too high?
None of this feels real.
Maybe I’ve fallen into a coma and this is all just a weird dream.
Or am I just too high?
Maybe I’m dead and this is the shitty afterlife I’m doomed to get.
The exact same life as before, except everything feels odd and I’m constantly feeling dizzy and I might puke at any given moment.
How anticlimactic.
I was hoping for a much cooler afterlife.
I’m probably still alive and too high.
But I didn’t take anything today.
That was three days ago.
Or was it four?
Time has lost all concepts.
I can barely feel it anymore.
Am I inside some sort of limbo?
A loop?
Is this hell?
Just what the fuck is this?
Fuck me.
I need to take a shit.
Maybe I should just pull my pants down and take a shit right here.
Who cares?
I’m almost certain I’m dead anyway.
Nah.
I don’t wanna spend my afterlife in jail.
It’s already shitty enough.
As I get closer to the woman she starts actually moving forward.
There we go.
She was just loading up.
This IS a simulation!
But who’s trying to keep me contained in this hellhole?
And why?
They must know I’m too powerful.
They can’t hold me back.
I’ll reach my full potential sooner or later.
As I take a turn through a different street I try to keep track of the woman with my eyes.
I lost track of her.
Doesn’t matter.
Think think think.
Why is this happening?
The only thing I took today was acetaminophen to fix that damn headache.
Now I feel like I’m barely connected to my body.
Like I could let go at any moment and my soul will just leave this body and let it fall to the ground.
Should I do that?
No, not yet.
Act normal.
Act normal.
Nothing’s happening.
I’m fine.
We’re fine.
Everything’s just fine.
No everything fucking sucks!
Don’t panic.
Don’t panic.
Don’t let them know.
Nobody knows you’re high.
I don’t even know if I’m high.
I take my hands out of my pockets and look at them.
They’re still.
Or maybe I’m just hallucinating that they’re not shaking.
Am I just hallucinating that they’re still?
Are they rapidly shaking in reality?
I hope not.
What else could be a hallucination?
Was my entire life nothing but hallucination?
Is anybody even real?
Am I real?
What does real even really mean?
Fuck.
“How much cough medicine did you fucking take?”
Half the bottle but that was at least a week ago.
I think.
At least I look so good in my clothes.
I love my clothes.
I’m handsome as shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Don’t fall.
Keep walking straight.
Don’t fall.
Why are they looking at me like that?
What’s wrong with me?
There’s nothing wrong with me.
Fuck them.
Just let them pass.
If they try anything I’ll kick the shit outta them.
I still have my razors in my coat pocket, right?
“Get a grip man.”
I know.
Gotta get a grip.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
That’s it.
Deep breaths.
“Look at yourself. You look fucking wasted.”
No I don’t.
What do you know anyway?
I’m not talking to myself out loud, am I?
I’m just thinking in my head.
“Yes.”
Good.
My mouth is so damn dry.
I bought a drink for myself.
Then I walked into a shop.
I saw a young girl.
Her eyes felt different.
She looked at me in a certain way I can’t explain.
She was definitely not an npc.
I’ve seen her before in the mall.
What the fuck is she doing anyway?
She hasn’t bought anything yet.
Will she ever buy anything?
Does she even want to shop?
Maybe she’s just bored and she’s looking around to pass time.
Doesn’t matter.
I need to get outta here.
I need to go home before I collapse.
My heart rate is normal.
This is unusual.
Last time I felt like this I was overdosing on nutmeg powder.
And my heart was pumping straight up lava faster than the speed of light.
Maybe snorting it wasn’t such a good idea.
Sike.
Best goddamn decision ever.
