I
It makes me feel sick, but there's a fervor to it as well. It's like the ocean, how it's so wide and there's so many unknowns about it that it's horrifying, but that makes it intriguing and beautiful all the same. That's how if feels every time I look at you.
My heart used to race every time I saw you, I'd get giddy just at being able to talk to you and be around you, but when I found out you feel the same way the nausea crawled in and made a hole in my insides. Why am I so afraid of loving you? Or is it that I'm afraid of you loving me?
It seems to be more of the latter, as the way my blood burned for you before was electrifying. I enjoyed it, I craved it voraciously. The way you'd look at me. The soft edge to your smile. All of it was beyond words.
So why, why is it that now I know how you feel it feels as though my stomach has been ripped out? This is no longer a pleasant feeling, it's no longer something I crave. I am afraid and it's making me feel as though I want to tear my heart out.
I want to learn how to be loved, how to allow someone to love me, but my dear, I hate myself so much I am terrified of you loving me.
Wow-