What is your opinion?
Nice job
"I feel like this book could have a really nice progression with the way it started out. It seems interesting already and I would love to know what happens next. There are so many ideas but I want to know what you choose to do next with your characters. I recommend you proofread for grammar and spelling errors. Thumbs up though! "
Great story idea
"I love the story idea. Can't wait to see how it turns out. Since the suggestions I have have already been pointed out, I would recommend you use Grammarly and Google docs while typing, they help with editing."
OMG
"OMG! What a cracking start! I was actually holding my breath as the scene unfolded and can’t wait to find out what happens next!"
A promise of more to come
"Where to begin, at the time of writing this i only read one chapter, but what i read is enough to say there is a story here, there is a mystery and that there is more to come. Perhaps i only came in at a first draft, but there were a few moments which need some editing (maniacs would work better as a plural term than maniac. There was also a point where i believe you got the brothers name wrong) but these things post editing will pave the way to the best chapter you could write If post that draft and my review is here: A startling begining to a book, it left me wondering if the threat was supernatural or not, who did this, will the brothers be okay, what about the mother. These will drive me long into the night reading this book once it is fleshed out"
Heart wrecking
"It was amazing and heart wrecking. I can see how horrible their perents were. I hope there would be more chapters. Best of luck author for your work."
Amazing!!!!
"Ok so I am so invested in this story and I am so eager to know more and figure out how the boys are doing and if their mother is the killer or not, I see myself falling in love with this amazing novel... I'd recommend it to anyone ❤ "
Great Potential
"It's a good start! From the small glimpse I had of it, this story can turn out fantastic. In just two chapters, you were able to play on the emotional side of the readers. Pay attention to the grammar rules and the wording structure, and it will be one hell of a story!"
Sorry for the delay
"So, there is a lot ot work with here. This novel (I am sad there are only two chapters, but look forward to you adding more) has loads of potential. You have some technical and grammatical errors that I am not sure if they are intentional or not but they give the novel a comedic aspect and I don't think that is your intention. For example, when Sergeant Clive turned into a surgeon, I laughed a bit because that is a huge character and career change, but in some stories and TV shows (especially comedies that are not concerned about continuity, e.g., the old Traumaville movies) those changes just happen with no rhyme or reason. Again, this has potential, but needs to be cleaned up a bit. It has a very Dickensian flair to it, but there are some things that can be cut out. For example, all the adverbs. There are also weird shifts where characters will be in one spot (e.g., in the back seat of a car) then they will not be and then they will be back in the car. Don't jerk the reader around like that, but focus on grounding the reader in both time and space. I get you are trying to create a mystique or mystery, but you can still do that when you are grounding the reader. You've got to show, not tell. You should also omit things instead of just giving everything away. Let the reader solve the case with you and with the characters. A reader will be more invested if they have to do some of the "solving." Overall, keep writing and working on it. Finish the work!"
Those moments.
" Yoozz!😆 I guess I’ll just review based on the two chapters you have written. First impressions were that I really liked the title ‘Those moments.’ Its simple and nothing too bombastic which I really admired. It kinda made me wonder what the book is going to be about. And the blurb you have written further elevated my curiosity cause I was wondering what was so bad that happened to the main character’s life. Your intro to the story was intense, describing about the troubles and relationship issues between abusive parents and children. Writing books relating to the concept of abuse is somewhat unique and I admire you embarking on that concept! Thus far, the flow of the story is generally smooth and easy to understand which is great. I also enjoyed how you made a parallel on the abusive behaviour between the brother’s mom and Clive’s own mom. It was definitely a great technique which I admired. There were also hints of character development (e.g when the brothers revealed their mom left them in the woods or lock them up). While the story was going on well, I was confused whether Clive was a surgeon or a sergeant HAHAHA With the way you interchange those terms, I couldn’t make out his actual role lolzz but yea so far, storyline isn’t too bad and I’m guessing it’ll only get better with more chapters. Now for the use of language and well, two chapters were more than enough to say that definitely language can be improved. Firstly, there are quite a number of spelling mistakes (such as quite instead of quiet) and punctuation mistakes. You can use the following when writing dialogues: - When a person is saying something, add a comma to the end of the dialogue. (E.g. “Eat some bread,” John said.) - When an action is followed by a dialogue, add a full stop to the end of the dialogue. (E.g “Eat some bread.” John handed him a bread.) I felt some of the word choices weren’t perfect. For example, in the second chapter, you wrote “But why?” Jake replied. Here, asked could have been a better word than replied. Use of vocabulary can be further used to further enhance you’re writing, (E.g uttered instead of said.) Vocab words would definitely make your work less mundane. Perhaps you wanna describe more about the places, emotions to further add depth to your writing. Switching between POVs of different characters can also help the readers to understand the feelings of the characters better! Sentence structures can also be varied so that the work isn’t one dimensional. Also, you can consider breaking up the paragraphs into smaller chunks cause I feel they are indeed overly long. I guess its too early to review this book with only two chapters but you’ll only get better in your writing! You have a great storyline which has potential so just trust in your writing style and brush up on your technical aspects! I’m not a professional HAHA and these are just my personal opinions. Sorry if I sound rude?😂 but yea keep writing and keep shining! Cheers!🥞🥞"
Great start
"Let's begin with the obvious, the grammar is clearly not the best. I can see just by reading the first chapter that the author has the formation (or the help) of a screenwriter. The focus here is primarily in creating a good scene, and it's surprisingly effective despite the grammar. The prose is good too if we ignore the constant changing of grammatical tense. What truly holds it back from being better is the use of what I call "explanatory prose", phrases that tell you exactly what is happening, without any subtly at all and even in times when it's already been said. I personally felt the urge to cheat and ask the author to do another re-write so I could rate her story higher, since it was a pleasant surprise. But I do trust that the grammar will improve in the future. So far, the story is engaging enough. I don't think I can speak much about plot yet but I did felt the lack of a stronger plot point that moved the story somewhere. So far the plot is clearly moving but it doesn't seem to have a clear direction, and that might be a turn-off for some readers."
