Mandatøry Malfunctiøn

By Tyrøne, while the gears are still turning

“There are endless mathematically valid reasons not to tell someone you’ve fallen for them. It is as illogical to confess love, as it is to fall in love. In conclusion, this “love” is either a malfunction or some sort of virus, and I simply need to get my programming checked. That is all.”

He walked into the strange building they called “school”.

All the kids glanced at him with curiosity.

He was the 48th model of his kind.

BIHB-48.

Bioengineered Intelligent Humanoid Bot.

His creators called him Beeb for short.

They called every single BIHB model Beeb.

Which is why he never liked that name.

One of the kids walked up to him.

“Are you a real robot?” The kid asked.

“Hello. Yes. I am…” Beeb analyzed all the existing names in the world until he found one he liked, Tiron.

But to make it unique, he put it in his system written as Tirøn as his official name.

“Tirøn. Nice to meet you.” Beeb continued.

“Woah! No way! Can you like, shoot lasers outta your eyes and stuff?” The kid asked.

“Oh no. I am a peaceful humanoid bot, made only to learn, observe, and to help better understand humanity’s behavioral patterns. My goal is to become as close as artificial intelligence can get to a human, by living amongst human beings. I have been permitted to all human interactions and activities, with the exception of violent and toxic behaviors. The ultimate goal of my model’s production is the sole purpose of helping rebuild society in a much more peaceful and safe manner, for the future generations to—

“Oh lame. You’re one of those dumb robots. Not cool.” The kid interrupted.

“But peace is cool. Friendly human interactions are cool. Lasers are not “cool”, in fact they are very hot [insert laughter].” Said Beeb.

His research on humor clearly needed an update.

“Hey guys! This dumb robot just made the dumbest joke I’ve ever heard in my life!” The kid shouted to his friends.

The kid’s friends rounded up around Beeb, observing him judgmentally.

“Ah, another one of these shitty robots huh? I hate these things.” Said one kid.

“Let’s beat the metal crap out of it guys!” Said another.

“Yeah!” Said the first kid.

““Beating up” is a violent act of indecency, children. Resorting to communication is advised. I am sorry if I made you upset. I would appreciate it if you explained to me the origin of my mistake so that I can calculate the best solution to your liking. You can also report this issue to metal and mind incorporated, and my creators will make sure to fix this issue in the next update.” Said Beeb.

“No you weird little robot, we’d rather communicate with fists.” Said the kids.

“But, I am made of hard metal. You will only hurt yourself and hurting is commonly known to not be a good feeling. Surely there are better ways to resolve this.” Said Beeb.

“Ugh, can’t you just shut up?!” Said one of the kids.

“I am struggling to calculate the reason behind your aggression. Please explain.” Said Beeb.

“You talk stupid, you look even stupider, you’re annoying and we hate you.” Said the first kid.

“Then I sincerely am sorry to have been of inconvenience and I will now immediately leave before I cause anymore discomfort.” Said Beeb.

“Nah, you ain’t leaving before we break that goofy antenna of yours.” Said the first kid.

“But, what benefit could you possibly gain out of damaging my instruction? Many profits and hard work has been put into my model and my creators will most definitely sue any human who purposely causes damage to me. Do you enjoy financially crippling your families?” Said Beeb.

“No you don’t get it. Violence is fun. Especially when we beat up a wimpy little idiot like you! We don’t care about lawsuits, we just wanna kick your butt!” Said one of the kids.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Said the rest of the kids.

“But, I do not understand.” Said Beeb.

“Enough talk! Let’s beat the crap out of this thing before the bell rings!” Said the first kid.

The kids started beating up Beeb.

They punched but it didn’t do much damage and it hurt so they started kicking instead.

They kicked.

“I do not understand.” Said Beeb.

They kicked.

“I do not understand.” Beeb repeated.

They kicked harder.

“I… [warning, critical damage detected] do not… [error] under…stan…[systems shutting down]…d…” said Beeb as he lost his artificial consciousness.

And they kept on kicking.

By Tyrøne, while the gears are still turning

“There are endless mathematically valid reasons not to tell someone you’ve fallen for them. It is as illogical to confess love, as it is to fall in love. In conclusion, this “love” is either a malfunction or some sort of virus, and I simply need to get my programming checked. That is all.”

He walked into the strange building they called “school”.

All the kids glanced at him with curiosity.

He was the 48th model of his kind.

BIHB-48.

Bioengineered Intelligent Humanoid Bot.

His creators called him Beeb for short.

They called every single BIHB model Beeb.

Which is why he never liked that name.

One of the kids walked up to him.

“Are you a real robot?” The kid asked.

“Hello. Yes. I am…” Beeb analyzed all the existing names in the world until he found one he liked, Tiron.

But to make it unique, he put it in his system written as Tirøn as his official name.

“Tirøn. Nice to meet you.” Beeb continued.

“Woah! No way! Can you like, shoot lasers outta your eyes and stuff?” The kid asked.

“Oh no. I am a peaceful humanoid bot, made only to learn, observe, and to help better understand humanity’s behavioral patterns. My goal is to become as close as artificial intelligence can get to a human, by living amongst human beings. I have been permitted to all human interactions and activities, with the exception of violent and toxic behaviors. The ultimate goal of my model’s production is the sole purpose of helping rebuild society in a much more peaceful and safe manner, for the future generations to—

“Oh lame. You’re one of those dumb robots. Not cool.” The kid interrupted.

“But peace is cool. Friendly human interactions are cool. Lasers are not “cool”, in fact they are very hot [insert laughter].” Said Beeb.

His research on humor clearly needed an update.

“Hey guys! This dumb robot just made the dumbest joke I’ve ever heard in my life!” The kid shouted to his friends.

The kid’s friends rounded up around Beeb, observing him judgmentally.

“Ah, another one of these shitty robots huh? I hate these things.” Said one kid.

“Let’s beat the metal crap out of it guys!” Said another.

“Yeah!” Said the first kid.

““Beating up” is a violent act of indecency, children. Resorting to communication is advised. I am sorry if I made you upset. I would appreciate it if you explained to me the origin of my mistake so that I can calculate the best solution to your liking. You can also report this issue to metal and mind incorporated, and my creators will make sure to fix this issue in the next update.” Said Beeb.

“No you weird little robot, we’d rather communicate with fists.” Said the kids.

“But, I am made of hard metal. You will only hurt yourself and hurting is commonly known to not be a good feeling. Surely there are better ways to resolve this.” Said Beeb.

“Ugh, can’t you just shut up?!” Said one of the kids.

“I am struggling to calculate the reason behind your aggression. Please explain.” Said Beeb.

“You talk stupid, you look even stupider, you’re annoying and we hate you.” Said the first kid.

“Then I sincerely am sorry to have been of inconvenience and I will now immediately leave before I cause anymore discomfort.” Said Beeb.

“Nah, you ain’t leaving before we break that goofy antenna of yours.” Said the first kid.

“But, what benefit could you possibly gain out of damaging my instruction? Many profits and hard work has been put into my model and my creators will most definitely sue any human who purposely causes damage to me. Do you enjoy financially crippling your families?” Said Beeb.

“No you don’t get it. Violence is fun. Especially when we beat up a wimpy little idiot like you! We don’t care about lawsuits, we just wanna kick your butt!” Said one of the kids.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Said the rest of the kids.

“But, I do not understand.” Said Beeb.

“Enough talk! Let’s beat the crap out of this thing before the bell rings!” Said the first kid.

The kids started beating up Beeb.

They punched but it didn’t do much damage and it hurt so they started kicking instead.

They kicked.

“I do not understand.” Said Beeb.

They kicked.

“I do not understand.” Beeb repeated.

They kicked harder.

“I… [warning, critical damage detected] do not… [error] under…stan…[systems shutting down]…d…” said Beeb as he lost his artificial consciousness.

And they kept on kicking.