1: The end of the road
(Trigger warning: this one features death and suicide. Please only read if you can handle it. The suicide is not mentioned in the details)
Do you know how it feels to live in someone's shadow for almost as long as you can remember? But then again the real question is what happens when that shadow disappears and you are exposed to the sun's glare for the first time?
My brother died yesterday. The golden child, beloved son and shooting star silenced forever. The loss of the century. There is a white, noiselessness in my head as I stare around me at the people mingling, talking in silence, from my hidden perch.
I move forward and the stillness inside of me spreads all around enveloping everyone. I approach the casket aware that the people have acknowledged the wall flower for the first time. My brother seems to be at peace at the first glance but stare a second too long and I can see him mocking me for what I'll carry veiled in my heart forever.
The stares dig into my back and I can almost feel their desire to see me there instead. I know thats what i want too.
The TV is loud when I get in. Dad is drunkenly rambling at a game he is watching unseeingly. I now suffer from eternal spotlight horrors.
Oh you'll never be a man like he was. He belches and roars at me.
I know. I say in my head.
You can't hold a candle to him. He yells.
I don't want to. I whisper to myself.
I wish it were you. He screams as if his very soul just broke.
I walk to my room, head down. Me too.
He had big dreams that always eclipsed mine. And I was okay with it. It didn't matter. But the summer he graduated, he made grand plans to take his death trap around the world. I just thought about the next book I was going to read.
The Bridge of Clay.
I always thought that being forgotten or being invisible didn't bother me but in a hidden crevice of my heart it did. That summer he noticed me for the first time.
You and me squirt. We face the world together.
And my heart combusted with happiness.
His beloved motorbike claimed him. On it he and the bike were one. Girls, drinks, races, he didn't care. He was always a careful driver with just one vice. The thing he loved the most took his life. Fitting.
His phone was smashed beyond repair.
I bought the death trap from the junkyard as my parents could no longer stand its sight. I got it repaired using all my savings. I packed my back pack and left.
Where are you going? They asked.
I squinted at the sun in reply.
Yo won't survive a day out there.
I never looked back.
Three months later. I've been robbed, have run out of gas more times that I can count and had weird run ins more times than I care to remember. I've dealt with punctured tires, overheated engines and pot-bellied, beer guzzling assholes. But this is it.
The end of the road.
His lovely saw the world and him too in spirit. I finally can lay aside my guilt and have a befitting ending to my own story.
The sun is setting over the cliff. And I finally feel free. I rev up and leave.
THE LOST TIMES
Body found in a ditch
A body along with a motorbike were found lying in a ditch on Sunday night. The driver was last seen having a drink in Nowhere. It is suspected that he might have lost balance while speeding. May he find peace and whatever he was looking for.
He used to check his phone. The last text was from me. That was it.
