Epiphany

He looks at the mirror for the first time in many years. He can’t remember the last time he looked at himself.

Today he has been released from hospital. He was there for nearly three months. It could’ve been worse, he was supposed to die. He was in the hospital because he had attempted suicide.

He looks at the piece of the paper in his hand once more, even though he read it over and over again in past three months. A sentence is written there, ‘Love yourself.’

Only two words. But so powerful. So powerful that it can completely change a person’s life.

He remembers the day when he read the sentence first.

* * *

After regaining consciousness, he found himself in a hospital bed. His head was still dizzy. He closed his eyes and opened them again.

When his senses returned to normal, he found out a piece of paper under his pillow. He didn’t get who put it there. He brought the paper in front of his eyes and read,

‘Love yourself.’

He was moved by those words. But he couldn’t think about it at that moment much.

Later, he discovered the writings in the other side of the paper. It said,

‘If you’re reading this, that means you’re still alive. You had less chance of survival, but you survived. It means it’s another chance for you. A chance to start over. Try to live properly this time.’

His eyes became wet. He didn’t know who wrote it for him. Friend? He had no friend. Parents? Impossible. Then who?

Maybe the one who brought him to hospital. No matter who, he felt so grateful towards that person and shed tears. And, the words gave him a loud shake.

‘‘I have to live,’’ he told himself.

* * *

He returns to the present. He looks into his eyes in the mirror. His eyes become full of tears and he doesn’t hold back. He bursts into tears.

He never loved himself.

He was just like the others. He hated himself. He hated himself for not being perfect. No one wanted to have him around. Neither family nor friends. He hated himself for being introverted, for being different than others, for suffering from depression.

He never cared for himself. He accepted the false accusations society imposed on him. He thought about himself the same way society taught him to. And in the end, he attempted to kill himself.

He can’t stop tears from flowing after looking into his eyes. They were full of pain and sadness.

He cries thinking how much he hurt himself.

He can’t stay standing anymore. He sinks down on the bathroom floor. He places his head on knees and let tears flow.

After crying for a while he becomes calm and stands up again. He looks into his eyes again and remembered those words once more, ‘It’s another chance for you. A chance to start over.’

He closes his eyes and says, ‘‘Yes, I’m gonna start my life again. I’m going to love myself.’’

He opens his eyes and places one hand on another. He says to himself,

‘‘I won’t lose you anymore.’’ His lips trembled. ‘‘I’m sorry for all the wrong things I did to you, this time we’re going to start over. Everything will be alright.’’

He feels a bit better after saying those words. He feels something he never felt before. He hopes everything will be alright, for real.