October
I remember the old tree in our back yard. My sister and I used to climb it. When our parents used to fight. I'd climb it first, because my sister was afraid to. We'd watch the sunset. It was so beautiful. You could fall in love with it.
"Hey, Jess?" She said. With a smile across her face. Her blonde hair shined in the sun. Her baby blue eyes were so bright. She was tiny, but tall, like me. Only down side was, I had brunette hair. Which, I got from our father. "Yeah, Heidi?" I asked. Swinging my legs back and forth. Heidi and I were 3 years apart. I was the older one, but sometimes I acted like I was younger than her.
Our parents used to fight so much, that we were outside sitting on the tree for hours. When our mom came out and called us back in, Heidi used to ask what the fight was about, but mom just nodded her and told us to go to bed.
"You remember that time, when You, Me, Mom, and Dad went to the beach and dad slipped on that crab?" She asked, while giggling. That brought back so many memories. I didn't really want to remember the rest of that night.
Sometimes, I wanted to block out those last few parts of that night, but it was so hard, that I always almost went into tears." Heidi, please don't bring that up. I really don't want to talk about that, at a time like this" I said, while looking the other direction. She put her hand on mine. It was so cold, that I started to shiver.
It was in late October. Halloween was right around the corner. Halloween was always the coldest day in October. I always wanted to stay home, but my mom made me take Heidi out Trick 'R' Treating. Something she should've out grown by the age of 13. And, yet, a year later she still wants to go.
She looked up, and smiled at me. Letting me know, that it was okay for me to cry, but I just couldn't. Knowing I'm her big sister and crying in front of her, would tell her I wasn't strong enough.
I returned the smile and nodded my head back and forth. She saw it in my eyes, which I wouldn't let myself cry. "You know, Jess, sometimes you just got to let out a tear every now and then" she said. I knew she was right, but I just couldn't do it. I had to show her, that I was strong enough to help her through these hard times.
When mom called us back in, I notice a red mark on her eye. I knew where it came from, but she wouldn't say a word, other than 'It's time to go to bed girls' even though I was 17 at the time, my mom had full control over me. I promised her I wouldn't say a thing, but she knew there would come a day, that I would. "Don't worry about it, Jessica. It's not your problem" she said. I'd have to fight off the anger inside me, towards dad. It was hard, but I managed to do it. Each mark I saw on her, made me even more anger at dad, but the day we lost her, I just lost it.
It was November 14th, 1994. Heidi and I were out at the mall. I didn't shop at the mall, but Heidi did. Usually with her friends, but I thought I'd take her that one time. She never could decide which store to go into. She wanted everything. "Would this red lip stick look well on me?" She asked. Red lip stick doesn't look good on any women. I thought, apparently to some women, it does. Red lip stick itself, was just ugly and gross. I never used it. Never even wanted to try it. "You look like a clown with it on" I said, laughing. She knew I was joking, but she looked down. Kind of like I hurt her feelings a little bit, but looked up, and smiled. "I'm being serious, Jess!" I knew she was. I just wanted to make her smile. It was going on 7:00pm. We had to be home before 8. I knew we'd get in trouble, if we didn't make it in time, so I tapped on Heidi's shoulder, and told her we had to go. Took her a whole 10 minutes, before we left. As we were walking home, 5 cop cars raced down the street. Heidi and I, just looked at each other. This happened every day, so we didn't think anything of it. We had 2 blocks to go, before we reached home, but the sirens kept getting louder, which started my heart to race. Looking at Heidi's emotions, I knew her heart was starting to race as well. We saw the blue lights from where we were walking. My heart raced even more. Heidi took my hand and squeezed it. I knew she was scared. I was scared as well. We got to our block, and cop cars were everywhere. One ambulance at the side of our street. We started to run to our house, but two cops stopped us. "I'm sorry, but you can't go in there" One officer said. I tried to break through again, but they both pushed me back. Heidi was standing behind me. "You don't understand! This is our house!" I yelled. I knew something was wrong. Just by the look on one of the officers face, but I didn't know exactly what. "I'm sorry, but you still can't go in, but I need your information" he said. A lot ran through my head. I didn't know what was going on. I wanted to know, but they wouldn't let us go by. I had to find out. "I'm Jessica Blocks and this is my younger sister Heidi Blocks, where is our parents?" I asked.
He just stared at us. It took him a few moments to respond to my question. By the look on his face, I knew something was completely wrong. "I need you two, to please come with me" he said. I felt chills running down my spine. My heart started to race. I needed to know what was going on, so I told Heidi we will agree to go with them. She shook her head 'yes' and we started to walk away. As we were walking, I looked back, and questioned myself if I should make a break for it. I needed to answer myself fast, so without hesitation, I broke through both officers and made my way under the 'Police Line Do Not Cross' tape. As I went under and looked up, they were already coming out of the house with a stretcher. I wanted to cry, but held it in. I started to run again, but was stopped by another police officer. I saw our dad come out of the house with 2 cops beside him, and him in handcuffs. I couldn't take it, my knees let go and I fell straight to the ground. I screamed so loud, that my sister ran straight for me. "Daddy!" I yelled. He looked up, with tears falling down his cheeks. Thoughts ran through my head so fast, that my breathing became unbearable. My sister fell down beside me, with tears rushing down her face. She hugged me tight, and told me everything was going to be okay. I should be the one telling her this, not her. Why was I weak? Why couldn't I force myself to get up and run for my dad? The anger shot through me so fast, that I knocked my sister to the ground and started to run towards my dad. Two cops got a hold of me and started to pull me back. I knew I wasn't strong enough to break through them both, but I kept on trying. I felt so weak, that I just gave up, and let go of myself. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere, but told myself that I was going to find out what had happened. As I was being held by a cop on the ground, I felt my hands grip his arm. I knew I squeezed too tight, because he flinch. I kept trying to get up, but my legs just kept letting go, until' "Miss......" A voice from behind us called. I didn't know who it was, but the cop who held me tight on the ground, helped me up, and kept his grip on me. We both turned around to face the person who called out to me. I didn't know who he was, but the officer walked Heidi and me over to him. He had black hair, pretty slim and he was tall, I'd say about 6'2? He didn't look too old either. Maybe 26-28? he was actually kind of cute. As we stepped up to him. he didn't smile. He didn't flinch. "Jessica Blocks?" he said. I knew he was asking for me, but still in pain from all this, took my mind somewhere else. He just stood there for a few more moments then; "This is my sister Jessica" Heidi spoke up. The sound in her voice wasn't happy or sad. It was a 'scared kind of voice'. I snapped back to reality and took my sisters hand and spoke up, "I'm Jessica Blocks". He looked at me and looked back at Heidi. Then, looked back at me and said, "Miss. Jessica, I need you and your sister to come down to the Police station with me" I just looked at him. Without saying a single word. I wasn't scared. I wasn't shocked. I was worried. Worried for my dad. What could she have possibly done to make dad hurt her like this? I just don't understand. As those thoughts were running through my head. Heidi nudged my arm. "What?" I asked. Her looking up at me and back at the officer. I looked at her and then at him. "Okay, we'll go with you, but I want to know what is going on with my dad!" I wanted to scream it, but kept my voice low. He just stood there for a few more moments and said, "You'll know what's going on, once we get some answers out of you two" I didn't like the tone in his voice. It made me want to smack him, but knew if I did, I'd get arrested myself, which is something I can't afford to do right now, considering my sister needs me. I'm the only one she has now. We all started walking towards the police car. I took Heidi's hand, and told her, that everything is going to be alright. She was more scared than I was, and we both knew this isn't going to be over for a while.
We were at the police station, waiting in the investigation room. Heidi clearly was scared. Her eyes kept searching the room, like she was trying to find something she lost a while ago. The door creaked open, and the officer walks in with two cups in his hands. Heidi moved her chair closer to my mine. I grabbed her hand, and squeezed it a little bit, to let her know, everything was going to be fine. He put both of the cups on the table, and walked right back out.
Two minutes later the same cop, that brought us here, walked in. He didn't have his badge on him, nor his gun. He looked at me and sat down. "You're the oldest, right Jessica?" He asked, as he was trying to sit down. I didn't realize, that he had dark blue eyes, until' now. I just sat there. For a few more moments. Staring at the cups that were on the table. I finally spoke up, but it wasn't too nice either. "Yes, I'm the oldest. What does that have to do with anything?" I said, demanding. I have never given someone such an attitude before. He apparently knew it as well. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that would somehow offend you in anyway" He said. I felt my blood rush to my head. I felt my temper rise. "We're done here!" I said, as I stood up. "Let's go, Heidi" I said, as I grabbed her hand. as we were about to leave, he stood up and said, "You can't go anywhere, you're under our care, therefore, you aren't going anywhere." My jaw dropped.
I sat back down, as did Heidi. There was nothing I can do, and I don't turn 18, until' next year. Heidi knew I didn't want to stay, but also knew, I wasn't the kind of person to get in trouble with the law. I looked at Heidi, and took her hand, "Don't worry, we aren't staying here. I can promise you that" I whispered. She looked at me, and smiled. She was still scared; I could feel it in her hand. "Jessica?" He said. I looked up at him, with an angry face, and he knew I wasn't happy. "Listen, I wasn't trying to be mean, I'm trying to help you out." He said, as he was about to sit down. I know he's just doing his job, in all, but he isn't doing a good enough job at it. Not only that, I'm pretty sure CPS "Child Protective Service" will be here.
CPS will try, and separate us, and I can't let that happen. I may turn 18 next year, but that aren't until' Feb, and that's 4 months away. Being in state custody isn't a good thing, I have uncles and aunts, but neither Mom nor Dad mentioned anything about them, in a very long time. Our grandparents? I haven't seen them in years. It's been so long, so honestly I'm not sure what's going to happen to us. CPS will be here, and hopefully we'll be placed with family members, and not into state custody. but i don't know any of them. Mom told us, that we have met a few of our uncles and aunts, and our grandparents, but I honestly don't remember any of it.
She always said, we were too young to remember, but now that I'm older, I honestly believe she was hiding something from us, something she didn't want any of us to find out, but what? I wish she would've told us something, even if it was something small, it would probably help us out, in this situation. I completely forgot about the detective that was still in the room with us. His eyes were glued on me. He was tapping his fingers on the table, like he was waiting on me to say something. I looked at him, before I knew it, words were just coming out of my mouth.
"If you're wondering what I was thinking about, all you had to do was ask." I hissed. He leaned back into his chair, and stopped tapping his fingers. He wasn't shocked, nor pleased, he was.....confused. What does he have to be confused about? He got up, and started to walk around the room. Pacing to be exact, but why? What was he thinking about? What was so important for him to get up, and just start pacing around?
He looked at Heidi, and looked at me, and sat back down. He put his index finger and thumbs on his chin, like he was thinking. I could tell by the look on his face, that he was about to ask a serious question, but what question? The room was silent, so silent. His eyes were still glued to mine. His deep blue eyes, confusing deep blue eyes. I looked up at the clock, which was in the corner. I can't believe it's already 10 o'clock. It's getting late. Why are we still here?
"I'm not sure why you keep looking at me, and not saying a damn word, but it's already 10 at night, and it's pretty la-" He cut me off before I even could finish. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude, and I do know it's getting really late. Just give me a few more minu-" He was cut off, by the officer who walked in. "Detective, there's someone here to see the girls.' He said.
Who would be here to see us? An Aunt, Uncle? Grandmother? Who? "Okay, well if they're family, let them on in." The officer stood there, he looked confused, very confused. Concerned maybe as well? I couldn't really explain the emotion on his face. "Well, Sir, the thing is....." He continued, and then paused. "Spit it out, officer, Malone!" The detective yelled. He yelling made Heidi and I both jump. Didn't see that coming. I don't think Officer Malone saw that coming either. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it's just....the woman that's here to see the girls, claims she's their Mother"
