Memories
"Jessica James Golden you are allowed to leave" and by that sentence I gained back my life, my freedom and most importantly myself. Hope was felt again and relief filled me. I was put in prison for so long that I lost count of the number of days I spent in it. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get out of here and see the streets, see people how do you even deal with people? I forgot all about that. Somedays I talk to myself behind bars to make sure that I still know how to talk. I've waited for this day to come like forever since what happened and then memories washed over.
Years ago...
"Come on Jess just one joint it won't affect you I promise" he said with a smug smile on his face. Oh gosh I fucking hate him. "Don't try to convince me I already know that one joint of weed can affect you enough" I don't know what Karen sees in him. Well.. He is good looking I won't lie, but every other thing about him is a turn off. "Harry enough of smoking that shit" Karen pulled the joint from Harry's hand and put it in her mouth. Yeah their relationship is ideal they really belong to eachother. On the other hand, I am kind of different I do smoke, but not as much as they do. They take it as a sport and by saying that trust me I am not exaggerating or overreacting. I am more into alcohol. You can say that they are addicts and I am alcoholic perfect psychopathic relationship, but I am recovering I haven't drank alcohol in a month and I am feeling alot better mentally, but not at the moment with Harry sitting with me in the same area. If I had a chance I would kill that guy with feeding him weed every second, but he is already doing me a favour and killing himself. "Where are you going?" Karen asked when I stood up "Bed" I said putting my hands on my mouth pretending to yawn. "Night"Harry said and I tried hard not to give him a nasty look instead I noded and headed to my room hoping he will leave soon. I leaned on the bed and stared at the ceiling until I fell asleep. When the sun appeared again, I woke up because of some noise in the kitchen. Karen? Harry? I ran down stairs not even bothered that I am in my lingerie.
OH GOD! NOT AGAIN!
.......
He pulls up his car in front of the hospital, the whole ride was a blur. I am pacing with the nurses holding Karen to the operation room again. I am shaking again panic attacks again, crying and screaming again. "FUCK YOU HARRY! AND FUCK YOUR WEED! FUCK DRUGS! GET OUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN AND SURE KAREN TOO." I said the same sentence again and by saying that I excepted him to leave and he did. Again. I wish Karen was able to leave so coldly as he does. I know that if he was is in her place, she would never leave the hospital until the next morning. She really loves him, but he doesn't. One thing to know about Harry is that he is selfish enough to love anyone, but himself. Their relationship is mostly about drugs, drugs and drugs. Other than him hitting her or try to flirt with me by taking smoking weed as an excuse that he is doing it unconciously.
One week after, "Please I was under the effect of drugs I would never do that to you. I promise to recover and be a better person for you. I am seeing a doctor. Trust me it's different this time" blah blah blah and she forgave him. FUCK! AGAIN.
"Harry just called. His analysis shows that his blood is clean. I told you this time he really wants to change. " I looked up to Karen who is giving me a cheerful smile. I didn't tell her that I'm sure he is doing drugs at the parties he has gone to behind her back or that last week I caught him smoking weed in the bathroom while she was waiting for him to watch a movie together, but anyway there is no harm in her believing that he is changing for her she seems happy right?
*Knock*Knock*I rubbed sleep out of my eyes and head down to open the door. "Hi! Sorry for knocking so early. I am Sasha" I am half asleep to react or to respond, so she continues by saying" I am new to the neighbourhood and was hoping to make new friends.... Psssssshhhhh"of course she didn't say that, but after that I really lost track of what she was saying, I try to focus on her last words" I would like you to have dinner with me and my family tonight"she finishes and catches up her breath as if she was running a marathon. I am trying to process what's happening. Finally, I came out with"Yeah! Sure, perfect absolutely perfect". I saw a relieved expression on her face. She was afraid from my rejection I think. If I only saw what's coming after accepting this dinner invitation I would have never opened that door.
