Just Peachy

Black

I'm not afraid of the dark,

Not afraid of the monsters under my bed,

Not wary of the voices in my head.

But tears fall whenever I think about you,

Thinking about losing you,

About waking up one day and finding you gone.

Afraid to tell you about the things I feel,

Coz then it might be too much for you.

I don't remember the last time I felt love,

Or gave it, where it's supposed to be, only fear resides.

The fear of not being enough for you, not being the one for you.

So I run, cause that's what I've learnt to do, to keep my heart safe.

From the world, from you, from your good intentions that are gonna turn sour

...but teach me, I won't refuse, love me & I won't run

2. Murder She Wrote

Murder she wrote,

And justice she sought.

Not for her own sake,

but for those, she had left by the lake.

Her black eyes like brimstone burned.

Like the reaper, death's mask she adorned.

She knew no grace,

as grace had chosen not to know her.

And she knew no mercy,

as none had ever been shown to her.

She had been told, "there is no mercy in war"

only death, destruction and hate,

Now here she stood, revenge in her heart,

hate in her hand and a mind full of spite.

3. Watching the Rain

I listen as the rain pelts against the plastic covered window-panes,

Watch as it trickles down onto the sills

I look at the paper that's in front of me, the paper that must hold all that I feel

The paper I desire to use to convey that which I cannot say.

But the words won't come & there are a million things to do, to show that you may be the one.

But I can't choose a single one

I'm messed up, I've always been.

But with you, I guess it's different, like a second chance of some sort.

Though I don't believe in redemption

I believe you may be an exception.

4. Blue

All I see is blue,

theirs is the sky's hue,

ours is the forests flame,

burning with passions we cannot begin to explain,

or much more understand.

5. Do you know?

Who are you, and where do you come from?

As fair a question as the rest,

but one sure to put you to the test.

Are you a king, or a servient?

Bound by fate to spend your life under the service of one, until all of you is spent.

Who are you and where do you see yourself?

Are you the one at the top of the hill,

or the one spending his all on everything else other than himself.

Who are you and do you deem yourself worthy

Or are you a coward, waiting on death, mistaking it for peace, when it's clear to see it is an escape?

Afraid to live out your life like the rest, fighting and starving off the enemies, until the day they can't.

6. Time Will Tell

It doesn't matter if I yell,

You've already proven your ears are impervious to my screams.

It doesn't matter who I tell,

You won't let anyone interfere with your dreams.

There was a time once, a long time ago

when I thought you had a heart

I guess it's what you did forego,

for that divine beauty, you so willingly tout

7. Bliss

I play it, not because it soothes my soul,

not because there's a deeper meaning embedded within,

Only because it blocks the noise,

it muffles the silent whispers only I can hear.

Untitled

From the womb whence we all came,

to the womb, we must all return.

Though our first house was made of flesh,

the one we go to is nothing but sticks and stones & nothing fresh

8. Heart

You led me along, made me believe in a love that could never exist,

You fed me lies, and I gulped them down, eager to please,

I couldn't see, blinded by the light of a makeshift love

or maybe it was my fault, my lust, my stupidity,

my need to be loved by a heart that never could...

Even now I sit and I remember, the beauty your smile held,

you made me swoon every time, when your shine I beheld

Even now I sit and stare at the stars, laughing at them because they could never compare to the beauty I know, coz even now you sit in my mind like it was your castle

Even now I look at those pictures you sent, trying to figure out where I went wrong, but I can't see, maybe it was just a matter of time.

My heart wrenches inside me, clamouring for the love it once held,

But how do I explain, how do I tell, how can I illustrate, that that love wasn't real, that love is only a facade, how do I explain, that I got played trying to be a Saint?

Maybe I was deceived, or maybe I fooled myself by trying to fight for a prize that wasn't mine to win

9. You

I hate the way you make me feel,

I hate this feeling of overwhelming desperation,

I told myself I wouldn't fall,

but here I am doing flips in the mud,

Tell me to walk away,

or stay,

say what you need and I'll be on it.

You!

making me feel like some kind of genie,

but I'm just an ordinary man,

You!

Wrenching my heart each and every way

Trying to meet your every need

You!

Making me believe in every myth that never walked the earth,

Before You, the world was Grey and cold...

Now I can't watch the sun leave me in the cold,

Coz if you walk away, that's exactly where I'll be,

10. You 2

I can't blame you, can't fault you for the decisions I made.

I could see but I pretended to be blind

Because in your arms is where I wanted to be,

Breathing in your scent, dying every time you gave me a hug

I wanted you to fall, fall with me, fall in love with me, stay a while before they pulled the plug

See, I tried, tried to escape your chains,

I'm still here cause I failed,

Your love is like quicksand, the harder I try to fight, the harder I fall

I'm a slave to you, a slave to your eyes,

A prisoner I am, to your body & your smile.

The concrete brick at the end of the chains pulls me deep,

The chains hold me in place,

I'm shouting, can't you hear,

Set me free, I can't live like this anymore,

Let me go,

Set me free,

I can't be your prisoner forever

11. Prisoner

Honestly, I wish I could tell it,

Have a heart-to-heart with it,

Tell my heart to stop falling for the people it chooses,

Coz in the end, I find myself in chains that I never asked for,

Commitments I could never hope to fulfil.

See, I'm a prisoner to my own heart,

A captive to my desires, my passions drive me wild

And I can't seem to get control of that which I call my own,

I fell for you when I had no intention of doing so,

Gave my heart, when I was to receive nothing in turn,

You could call it stupidity, but I have no control,

I am a slave to your desires too

I tried to resist it, was managing it too,

Till you smiled your wicked smile and left me fighting for my breath,

Wishing for my own death,

Cause I was sure, cliché and goofy as it may sound, I had seen an angel

And couldn't wait to see her again,

Yes, I cannot deny,

tell me to stop breathing and I will

tell me to chase after you and I won't mind

I will go around the world, round and round till you sit with me and call me yours.

Cause darling my heart is your prisoner,

and the reason it beats is to do your bidding.

12. For that is life, nothing but an illusion

I have always wondered

countless nights spent while I pondered,

on what it would be like when we grew,

what it would mean to finally be true,

because all I see now is a facade,

walls set up as an attempt to barricade,

all the things we consider dear.

It has seldom left me dumbfounded,

little has ever been clear...

To see that when we suppose that we have nothing, we lay there, thinking of what we could have and what we would protect, and when we do, human nature tells us to run, never looking back at what we once held as a prospect,

to better and hopefully less sordid futures.

Maybe we should accept it as just another one of our cultures,

That when needed we turn, vultures we become

or it might be something deeper,

But what else could it be? When to claim happiness is considered an abomination,

and depression a white man's disease, a taboo

And yet we all suffer, yet we all perish

Under the same blade which we used, when others' reputation we used to tarnish

Call it what you will, my guts I will spill

I have been left in the dark for way too long,

And I wouldn't last any longer.

So I speak, on the things I used to ponder.

Tell me why we claim to love,

yet all we ever want to do is prove,

That maybe, just maybe we are worth the second look,

For to be seen we yearn, but when the limelight shines we complain,

Screaming that it is too bright, and we'd rather be back where there was no light

Because then there wouldn't be anyone to judge, for none can judge what they cannot see.

Enlighten me I pray,

on why you seem to care, about what behind closed doors they say

And yet you claim, to not be a part of the branch from which they stem.

Call it validation, call it co-dependency,

but it is a drug, a sickness for which there is no relief.

I could go on, claiming to see what others do not see,

I could continue, claiming to be what others can never hope to be,

For that is what we have been subjected to,

to become predators, not that we hunt, but that we may not be seen as prey.

We cannot return, for there is nothing to return to,

and we cannot hope, for there is nothing to look forward to.

We are doomed, so completely and utterly screwed,

For when we wake up tomorrow, the same battle we'll fight,

As we have been told, it is our plight,

until on pikes, our heads are screwed.

It is a battle we cannot win, a war we cannot outlive,

A wheel within a wheel, nothing

For that is life, nothing but an illusion.

13. Desire

It was your perfume for me,

your somewhat nonchalant yet bewitching smile.

That tortured me on all those nights,

I spent awake, trying to dream up words, that would if not sum up your elegance then perhaps capture your starry sight.

14. My Kin

I had a dream, it rocked my senses.

It was about my kin, who acted senselessly.

He refused to listen, even though I shouted.

Took it upon himself to act stupid thinking it brave

And though it did not end, I doubt I'd have seen him

Because it seems, another had claimed him,

& he refused to share.

I had a dream & it left me frightened,

hopefully, it was just my twisted imagination.

Because, although I cannot stand him, I cannot bear to lose my kin.

June baby

I looked around the room, hoping to see you somewhere in the dark

Sad to say, all that met me was the night, staring at me, with eyes clothed in black.

I dreamt about you once, under the starry night, with the moon as a witness...

We kissed, we made love and hardened our bond, yet I remain in the darkness.

Waiting for the heart that echoed mine once,

The heart that left me with only but an ounce,

Of love, of kindness, of life

Would it have been better, if I had stared into your soul,

Under the moonlit night, away from heaven's eye

Poured out my soul, with words I half knew

Just to make you mine.

But forget about that, let's talk about now, about how I've survived without you

How I've lived without seeing you in years,

When at some point you were life to me.

And yet after all this time, I stare at the queen of heaven and I think about you,

About your loving eyes and relentless charm