What is your opinion?
Catching lightning in a bottle
"Just like your previous story, it is well written and engaging. What sets it apart is its darker, less friendly depiction of South Africa than was Some Picnic! This can be thought of as the yang to the others yang— quite different, but just as good."
Great Plot that could be 3 Novels!
"A good, LONG read that really could have been fashioned into a few novels, like a trilogy. I am afraid you could lose the reader in words. It is a very suspenseful and intriguing storyline, I especially think the mystery surrounding the bracelets is very well done. Brilliant. I want to see the characters better----how they look, dress, act. More overall character development. And some really important scenes are rushed, such as the death of Jacko's wife. You really want to get the reader to FEEL here, not speed through it to next scene. And watch the use of comma's., you use too many and it slows the pace down or makes it confusing. You do have a storyline worthy of making it a movie if you just develop the characters more so they don't sound too much the same."
Epic Journey through a Troubled Life
"Rough Diamonds is an excellent tale of a difficult life of misery and woe that comes to a satisfying conclusion after a long and winding journey that spans several decades. The writing style, dialog and description has a cultural feel to it, reflecting the locale of the story. Some of the detail is sparse - or minimalist - which, at first, takes some getting used to as it is different from other contemporary writing styles. But, as the story progresses, the intensity of the plot and the plight of the main characters ,makes the story very suspenseful and intriguing. I felt like the first 8-10 chapters that go into detail, setting up the history of how the characters were conceived and born could possibly have been covered later in the story in the form of descriptive dialog or flashback narration. Most of the historical context, such as the death of the friend, Robert, does come back into play later in the story, So, the contents of the earlier chapters do have a solid purpose in progressing the plot. However, I also would have preferred to have met and connected with the main character earlier in the story. Some chapters were very short and some events that seemed highly significant, such as the death of Jacko's wife, Liz, seemed to be short changed in the amount of detail or emotional perspective they may have deserved. Poor Jacko, with his lifetime of misfortune. He's somewhat of a Job character (from the bible), where he's hit with every possible injustice that could happen to him. I debated whether or not it was too much, but as the story gripped me, particularly with the murder trial that occurs throughout the last quarter of the story, I came to appreciate the many vignettes that pieced the plot together like a puzzle. The murder scene and subsequent trial was tight and taut - a seemingly impossible situation for Chris, which ratcheted up the suspense and made Rough Diamonds a true thriller and page-turner. The emotional choice made by Madeline's husband in the end, which facilitates the end of Jacko's misery was well described, believable and very powerful. The writing style is unique and distinctive, a little stilted, but possibly as a device to convey local cultural story-telling. I thoroughly enjoyed the characters and plot and recommend this story to anyone looking for an epic saga of a tough life with a ray of a positive ending."
♡
"I love mystery, murder and this story seems to have both and more! I can't wait to see where it goes!"
an epic in the works
"I'm writing this fresh, having just finished moments ago. Let me start by saying the plot arc is great, exciting, and could easily be converted into a compelling screenplay. As a novel, it feels a little sparse and hurried in parts. The dialogue definitely needs to be revamped--it's a bit stilted--and the characters could stand to be more fleshed out and nuanced, though the framework is definitely there and they all have great potential. The opening chapters were magnificent, very detailed and suspensefully paced. Use them as a point of reference in future drafts. Also, everything to do with the bracelets was a stroke of brilliance. You clearly put diligent research into this project; sometimes it's a little TOO clear however, as certain data-heavy passages read like Wikipedia entries. Again, less stilted dialogue. Say it out loud and see if it rings true. I look forward to reading your nonfiction piece and seeing how it compares. Very promising as an early draft."
Rough Diamonds
"Just read chapter 64 and still 32 chapters to go! Wow! But I have read enough to venture an opinion on a manuscript on which you have worked for years. Well done. A marathon effort. I noted with interest your 5 star rating on Smashwords. It is important that I say I think 5 stars should signify something near perfection and leave little, or no room for improvement; something I look for each time I open my key board. I can always do better; Better being the enemy of best. Your plot is a stunner and I can see it is based on personal experience, making me want to read more after that disastrous accident in the colliery skip. For your plot I credit 4 stars. So much action and death – with people dying all over the place. With such a good story line I was disappointed with the haste with which you brushed over the deaths of some of your main characters and was looking for something more revealing. The story moved on with a pace. Compared with the tragedy in the coal mine I felt the later chapters could have benefited more from more detail. I think you will agree the story needs a strong edit to allow it to have more of an impression on the reader. Grammar-wise your over use of the comma is a trap into which we all are lured and in an early chapter the dialogue was be repetitive. In chapter 5 you referred to, ‘his wife Jeanette,’ twice in sequence when the second time ‘wife’, or ‘Jeanette’ would be sufficient; and I read somewhere ‘7am in the morning’; when else would it be?’ All in all a very good yarn – for some reason reminding me of the works of H.Rider Haggard. I’m not knit picking here on a good story; simply trying to help and give an opinion. That’s all it is, an opinion. It is clear much research, experience and toil have been contributed and with perseverance you will reap your reward. Thanks, Ian for the opportunity."
Rough Diamonds
"I'm sorry to say that this not the type of story I can get into my taste lean more towards science fiction and fantasy. Now I'm sure that others will like your book. Now your writing style is good as is your technical writing you have very good grammar so you are good in those area but I just couldn't get into the plot."
