UGLY

I’m an ugly man.

I have a shit personality.

I know you came home with me because I have money. But I can see it on your face that you’re still deciding whether or not you’re going to sleep with me.

Let me make up your mind for you.

You will fuck me. I guarantee it.

I’m going to introduce you to my son in a minute. He’s in the kitchen. No, he’s fine. He’s okay where he is. But you need to know there was always something wrong with him.

When we brought him home from the hospital in that carry-basket handle thing, our dog at the time just dragged him out and pulled him across the room. He didn’t scream. He didn’t fight. He just drooled and stared at the ceiling fan.

He wore a diaper until he was 5.

He didn’t learn how to tie his shoes until he was 10.

Everyone told me he was special. I’m not stupid. I know what special means.

I started drinking myself happy in the garage. I could pretend the life I was living never happened. But then he came out one day in his mother’s floppy yellow hat and giant pink bathrobe and sang daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, I learned a new dance in school today.

My friends were watching from across the street.

How do you brag about a son like that?

I announced to the street that I was going to teach him how to swim and dragged him to the pond behind the house. He was happy I was paying attention to him. My father taught me how to swim. He threw me in the water and stepped on my hands whenever I tried to get out.

Desperation makes you learn.

My son threw off the bathrobe and flopped his fat ass into the water. He splashed around a little and came up crying.

How do you brag about a son like that?

I stepped on his back and held him down. How was I supposed to know a parasite would swim up his nose and core out his brain? I’m not a biologist. It’s not my fault.

He just sits in his high chair in the kitchen now.

He watches me. He smiles when I smile back. He never stops smiling.

And that’s why you’re going to fuck me.

Every woman who meets him, he breaks their heart. And they all want to do something to help...