Temporary

“She was a real peach,” someone behind me said while I watched the caretakers shovel dirt onto my grandmother’s lowered casket.

I agreed, even though I didn’t recognize the voice. My wonderful G-Ma was a peach, one of the sweetest people in the world to put up with the basketcase I had been growing up, and the only person—living or dead—who could draw me back to this old town full of bad memories.

I’d lost so much already, and now I’ve lost the dearest heart in my life. Her memory would remain etched in my mind and now in sleek gray marble.

REST IN PEACE

IRENE H. GULLIDGE-BAILEY-PARK

AUGUST 6, 1928 – JUNE 2, 2013

ROOTED IN FAMILY, TOUCHING THE HEAVENS

I took a deep breath to fight a sob, filling my nostrils with the scents of freshly cut grass and various perfumes wafting on the summer breeze. I hadn’t bothered with a fragrance like the rest of the crowd, and the best I could wear among the dozens of mourners in their finest black attire was my charcoal gray job interview suit. Not that anyone noticed; the crowd hadn’t looked my way once. Most were fixated on the departed’s next of kin, my step-uncle Charles.

Dozens, though. My grandmother had touched a lot of lives, and I could barely identify a handful of them. Half came from my grandma’s second marriage; the rest were her friends. If she hadn’t partially raised me, I’d have felt like a funeral crasher.

What I felt was alone. My ex-wife wouldn’t let me bring our precious daughter here despite summer break. My mom had passed away here when I was a kid, buried two plots down the row. My unreachable father was demonstrating his magnanimity overseas with Doctors Without Borders. I hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone in town since I’d left over twenty years ago. My steps were all I had now, and I barely knew them beyond a few holiday encounters back in the day. I’d been too shy or deep inside my own head back in those days, which had cost me with them as much as with the kids at school who’d picked on me.

The line of mourners snaking up to my step-uncle was long, but I had time and need.

As I stepped up to it, I randomly caught an evil eye from him, then another from his frizzy-haired wife Peggy, and another from their bowl-cut son Matt. Was I about to waste my time?

I headed for the end of the line anyway, hoping our mutual loss would give us a way to break the ice wall when—

“Hey, you,” came from behind me, stopping me in my tracks with a warm smile.

I knew the face the instant I turned, but the hourglass figure sheathed in a tight black dress did not match the gangly body I’d danced with in church so many times. Once curly blonde hair matted tightly along her oblong head into a flowing ponytail. Her sepia eyes sparkled over a smile now free of braces, her brows still barely there yet somehow thinner.

“Angela Shelley,” I said with my arms open, hoping it made up for the fact that I hadn’t noticed her throughout the ceremony. Or talked in two decades.

Her smile grew an inch wider as she walked into my arms and wrapped hers around me tightly, her purse bumping my side. “So good to see you, Connor.”

“Back at you,” I replied before letting go and giving her grown-up self a once-over. “You look incredible.”

She gave herself a brief, dismissive glance despite blushing. “Oh, stop. You, though, you look great. I like your hair short like that.”

I grinned as I ran a hand through the dark gold locks that used to be ear-length and unruly. “Yeah, a habit I picked up from the Army.”

“The Army? Wow. What’s that like?”

“Over,” I said with a brief chuckle. “I could only handle the one tour, but I learned a lot. I do temp jobs now.”

Angela cocked her head to the side with a curious frown. “Like odd jobs?”

“Feels like it. I work through a temp agency, kind of like being a lease-to-own employee.”

She nodded with a mild laugh. “I see. No luck with anything permanent?”

I shrugged. “Not yet. Economy, I guess.”

She flinched lightly. “I thought unemployment was falling.”

My eyes fell. “Maybe it’s me, then.”

“I didn’t mean—”

I waved her off. “It’s okay. Most of the time, it just goes to someone with more experience, but at least the agency keeps me fairly busy.”

Angela nodded.

“What do you do?”

Her grin tightened again. “I’m a cop.”

I flinched. “Really? Where?”

“Here, thirteen years now.”

My head spun. “Wow. Didn’t expect that. I thought you wanted to be a doctor or something.”

Her eyes fell. “My priorities changed in college.”

I nodded. “I guess that’s why you’re in such great shape. What lucky man snagged you up?”

Her smile diminished. “His name was Terry, but he is no more.”

“Died?”

“No, divorced, and happier for it, but I’m here for your woes. Are you okay?”

I nodded automatically and gazed at the hole beyond the stepfamily. “I could be better, but oh well. Life’s full of loss. Right?”

She frowned lightly. “Who else did you lose?”

I sighed. “I am also divorced.”

“Oh,” Angela said. “I’m sorry. Any kids?”

“One, but her mom wants me to sign away my rights so her new fiancé can adopt her.”

She cringed with the same disgust coursing through me. “Do they have a case?”

I sought the best way to explain without looking bad until I saw someone step into the line.

The world fell away as I traced every feature of … her! Brown hair I’d long wanted to stroke spilling in waves onto delicate shoulders with short mesh sleeves. Black frock hugging a slender waist and nicely rounded hips I’d long dreamt of holding. Skirt barely reaching knees as silky and elegant as I remembered. And that heart-shaped face with a smile which, even at a resting position, still boiled my blood.

“Are you okay?” Angela’s voice asked from somewhere in the void before I remembered my company.

“Yeah, it’s just …” Couldn’t breathe.

She followed my eyeline to Ellen Ford waiting in the slow line, gave me a polite grin, and started to walk away. “I see. Take care.”

“No, please,” I said as I threw out a hand, stopping short of grabbing her. “I’m sorry. I just …” I waved at Ellen before getting lost in the view of her again. I snapped out of it and ran my fingers through my scalp. “Sorry.”

“I know,” Angela said patiently, her tight grin smaller somehow. “I’ve always known.”

I shrank. “Angela, I—”

“I’m going to get going.” She stepped past me.

I flushed with regret. I had to do something. “Can I call you? Catch up later?”

She stopped and beheld me with narrowed eyes before digging into her purse and pulling out a business card. “It’s got my cell number.”

I smiled as I took it and stuffed it into my pocket. “I hope I don’t catch you at a bad time, Officer.”

She giggled lightly and shook her head before giving me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. “Take care.”

“You, too.”

Angela walked on, leaving me near the one person in the world I wasn’t ready to see again.

I considered leaving, but my feet refused to move … or, at least, not to any exit. No, they pulled me toward Ellen, who stood patiently while a couple ahead of her conversed. Why was I putting myself through this torture again? She was probably married by now with a dozen kids, who had to keep her running around if she kept such an alluring figure.

I stopped behind her, glad she was the last in line. Sweat beaded my hairline and trickled down my back while I struggled to breathe quietly. My hands fidgeted on autopilot, but I’d come too far. She did come to my grandmother’s funeral. It was only proper.

“Hi,” came out of me like a cough. I patted my chest and cleared my throat.

When her eyes met mine, she smiled softly. “Connor,” she said, still the smoky alto angel of my dreams.

I huffed to release my next words through a big grin. “Hi.”

Ellen giggled lightly. “You said that.”

I blushed so hard, I made the summer air even hotter. “Yeah, sorry. Been a long time.”

“Yeah,” she said lightly, almost musically.

I mentally ripped myself from her eyes with a huff and a smile. “How have you been?”

She shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Can’t complain. You?”

“Not too much,” I lied.

She nodded, but her smile vanished. “Sorry for your loss.”

I glanced at the grave and sighed. “Thank you.”

“Are you in town long?”

I shrugged. “A couple of days.”

A smile briefly flashed upon her face. “Well, if you want to catch up, you know where to find me.”

“I do?” My brows flew up when dawned on me. “You’re still living next to my grandma? I mean, you know,” I added, given the fact that, though the house was there, my grandmother wasn’t. I felt stupid.

She nodded with a little smile. “Still there. My parents left it to me after I got married.”

My heart crumbled, but I pushed through it. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks, but I—”

“Thank y’all again for comin’,” came from my step-uncle Charles, his drawl the thickest in the whole crowd. “Just a reminder: the memorial’s at Rene’s house. If you need directions, come see me.”

My belly trembled.

“Well, I won’t keep you,” Ellen said.

My chest rattled, but what she’d just told me settled me. I pasted on a grin and offered a handshake. “Okay, well, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

She surprised me with a little hug. “It’s good to see you again.”

My heart fluttered, but she left my arms and the dispersing funeral party.

I forced myself to breathe as I watched her feminine swing; subtle yet still burning my insides as freshly as those three years living next to her. I wasn’t expecting this, and I certainly wasn’t ready for it.

She gave me a glance over her shoulder midstride and a smile.

I waved casually despite melting inside.

When she faced ahead again, I went to my teal, three-year-old Kia Sephia and took a few breaths. How could she still make me feel this way, especially so soon after my divorce? Why was I even worrying about it while she was married? Just like before, she wasn’t available to me, and that was that.

When the procession started moving, I started my engine and absorbed the cool breeze from my vents, hoping the long drive would wind me down. If I had no luck with my stepfamily, then I would have at least tried, and I could once again bury this town in the recesses of my mind.