Prologue
7/5/22
PROLOGUE.
(Baraka’s P.O.V)
In a bed that’s too small even in a room this empty, my mama lies almost lifelessly on it, and I reach out for her hand under the blanket just to be sure she’s still with me.
I do that often, stare at her all day. Turn back to her again and again when I shift my gaze even for a fleeting moment-maybe to glance at the small TV hanging across on the opposite wall or the drifting clouds outside, glowing like giant bulbs from the sunbeams piercing through them.
I always feel guilty when I look away from her, like she can feel it if I were to do that. She would think that I don’t need her anymore, that am ashamed of her, or maybe she’d think I don’t need her anymore and slip away from this world telling herself that I would be fine on my own. Maybe I am thinking too much.
But none of this stuff matters to me, the interesting TV shows are not so interesting after all, the homework I can finish up at school before the teacher comes in, the sky I like so much... the sky... and the pale purple mountain peaks peering in the far distance. The island with all its beauty, still cannot compare to_
My withering mama. She’s the most beautiful most important thing in the world to me, like a flower trapped in a desert, her petals broken away by the sharp whirlwinds that carry stones with them, her roots dried up, but she’s still a little green at the stem and branches, she’s still worth wanting and embracing, holding onto until I find the stream of life, and if we don’t then I’m ready to let my longing tears for her survival be the water that keeps her alive a little longer. I’m starting to sound corny now but let me say this, even though am a man, I cry for my mother. She’s all I need and nothing more. She means the world to me. How can I look away...
How can I look away...
How did I look away...
I looked away...
She made me.
She...
(Mika’s P.O.V)
“I swear to God she is too much.” I want to yell as I say these words but we are still trying to sneak out of my house.
“She’s an African mama al’right!” Gloria agrees.
Katana, “Well with a daughter like you who wouldn’t be scary.”
Katana says as he playfully pokes my ribs and I yelp, step away from the wall in surprise, accidentally tangle my foot on the lamp cord which pulls the lamp to a deafening crash. Broken shards of glass scatter everywhere breaking the silence that rested upon the room a second ago. Well, there goes the expense!
“Sh...h...it.” I curse, signalling for my friends to make a run for it.
“Katana you...” Gloria starts cursing at him, but their voices drown into the atmosphere along with my ability to breathe when my eyes land on my ever dazzling mother. The lights are suddenly on, and she’s standing before me, draped in this sparkly red robe.
Her perfect microbladed eyebrows furrow as she scans the room, then those sharp eyes on her grim face glue me on the spot. I can never move when she glares at me, it’s a superpower.
“Going somewhere this late Kamene!.” She inquires, her smiling face not quite smiling.
“I... I... it’s a school reunion tonight... my classmates ... I chose to join them.” I fumble with my words.
“You didn’t ask for permission, Kamene.”
“You never let me go anywhere anyway..” this I say under my breath, afraid, but loud enough for her to hear. I hope?!
My hands start to sweat, and I feel it seep through my clenched fingers. My heart is beating so loud I can hear it, and I wait for it.
The loud. The yelling. And possible imprisonment.
“You...” And I blank out so I can’t hear it at all. She’s saying something. In the lines of being incompetent, foolish, irresponsible and unfocused. I watch her mouth move while I stand there, trying to appear unbruised but am struggling against my tears, by imagining am yelling back at her.
I have never done drugs, I always obey you and even though you hurt me... I still stay here. Yes, I have nowhere to go. Am still a child. I have no money. You brought me here... so why do you make me feel so powerless and suffocated for God’s sake. Oh and forcing me to just go along and stay imprisoned in this huge house in the name of being a mannered girl... it’s...
“You are the most useless of all my kids.”
Wait.
That’s a new one. I have never heard that one before. And it sincerely bursts my heart into countless tiny pieces, like the lamp I accidentally broke a moment ago. Turns out it’s not that I wasn’t listening to her, I was just familiar with the words she was spewing after hearing them countless times.
As if we’ve both run a marathon, we stand there breathing heavily, our bosoms rising and falling rhythmically. My eyes well up, the hot tears first burn my eyes and blur my vision, then free fall down my cheeks, seeping into my blouse.
Did she even realise what she just said? I wonder. But the silence and indecipherable glare she’s giving me tells me she has. So now you are aware that you go too far.
I unconsciously step back.
A sad cry falls from my lips, as dry and cold as air blowing down a snowy mountain. My heart jumps too, then crashes back down over and over, the broken pieces cutting me up inside. That’s how it feels!.
“...And those friends of yours are not good for you. They are not.” Her voice is weirdly high as if on purpose, so Katana and Gloria can hear. ” You are just a child Mika, you don’t see it. You just blindly follow them, because you are *****.”
The words I don’t want to hear, like I said, I have a habit of filtering them. I don’t want to believe that I am what she says about me. How can I be worthy of anything in this lifetime, if am all those things?
You are the most useless of all my kids... you are the most useless of all my kids... you are the most useless of all my kids...
Another cry falls from my lips at the constant popping of what she said a few minutes ago. Then I realise something in that pool of pain, my feet are not glued on the spot like always. The spell is broken. Her presence and eyes don’t overpower me anymore.
Maybe I am everything she says about me, huh! The thought creeps in with a grin, tightens around my neck, suffocating me.
As her hand reaches to grab me, I step away.
“I didn’t mean...” She starts with the excuses.
Staring at her one last time in disbelief, I turn and run out of the house and into the darkness, ignoring the looks on my sisters’ faces who at one point came out of their rooms to peep.
Behind me, two people are running after me. Calling my name repeatedly but I don’t stop. I run all the way to the main road and across this old railway track, down a rocky path cutting between fields of grass where I trip and fall a couple times.
Behind me, the voices get closer. It’s Katana and Gloria, coming after me.
I ignore them and focus on the rush am feeling. If it stays, I can jump. I will jump when I reach the cliff and it will all be over. I don’t wanna be here anymore.
“Kamene Mika!”
“Mika.”
“Mika stop.”
“...there are wild animals...”
“...tis a restricted area...”
What are they yelling for, I know all of that.
Mika don’t stop. Mika don’t stop. Mika I won’t stop.
I finally make it to the steep and start climbing the narrow footpath. I’ve always complained about it, but tonight I think I fly upwards by a few steps. I make it to the top and pick up pace again on the flat ground, then go under this iron wired perimeter fence meant to keep people away. I keep running till I get to the cliff, through a field of tall grass that reaches just below my waist, swaying in whispers as the wind blows past, but then...
A magical sight starts slowing me down. Without even realising it, it takes my breath away and the thought that I came with starts slipping away on its own. As though the magical sight specifically sank its long fingers into my brain from behind and picked it away.
“It’s so beautiful.” I mutter.
The city at twilight looks so beautiful and surreal. With its towers and skyscrapers, and all sought of lights coming and bouncing off those glass windows, traffic flowing like a colourful stream on the ground. And the sky is full of them too, even the first stars hanging over the city look so low and touchable. Like a decoration set up for the night. It seems unreal to me. Like a place that shouldn’t exist in a world like this.
“Woaaah. We’ve only ever seen them during the day.” Gloria says, stopping beside me. Her face visibly lights up too.
All our weariness disappears.
“Why haven’t we ever thought of coming here at night.” My voice is laced with anger. Am so angry knowing if I had already been used to a sight like this, it wouldn’t have stopped me from jumping.
Gloria turns to me as if she knows what am thinking, wraps her arm around me and starts rubbing my back.
It’s-comforting...
“They say everything happens for a reason.” Her voice is trembling, but she’s not mad at me. It’s evident she’s shaken by the mere thought of what I was about to do.
I almost hurt my best friend. I could have jumped.
Tears well up again, tears I quickly wipe away when I look out there again.
I fall to the ground, lean back against a nearby tree and wish.
More than ever, I want to go there one day. Leave our small island and go to that city. Lost in my thoughts, I let out a heavy sigh, which makes me realise how congested and suffocated I was a moment ago.
It’s so relaxing and healing here.
There’s something out there, trying to tell me the world is still beautiful even when you can’t see it...and I want to find it even if...
“Hey, you two... I fell and no one came back for me huh!” Katana interrupts my chain of thoughts.
Gloria laughs. The mood suddenly feels so warm and light with just the three of us here.
“You can’t even beat two girls in a race huh!” Gloria teases him.
I smile.
“Well... well. I am still....” he stops when he sees me, and I hear him sigh. His brows unfurrow as he smiles.
“...don’t tell anyone else about it okay.” He was going to praise himself but chose humiliation just for me. “It will taint my perfect reputation with the girls.”
I giggle.
Shamelessly, he starts pushing between Gloria and me so he can sit in between us.
Gloria, “Hey...move your stupid shoulders retard.”
Katana, “...ow! don’t punch me with your manfists. Are you sure you are a girl.”
Gloria, “You are dead, who are you calling a man.”
“Stop it you two.”
I make room, laughing but their brawling goes on for a while.
When we have settled, still close to one another like building blocks, a hand slips into mine and I lean on his shoulder.
Damn, he’s so broad.
“Whoooaaa...that’s amazing.” He mutters.
“Isn’t it...”
Our heads on his shoulder, we stay that way for a long while. Before us, it’s all things beautiful.
Behind us, the woods get darker and filled with whispers. The long grass hisses as it brushes and sways against the wind, and I strongly believe one would make out a sentence if one were to listen hard enough. The canopy of leaves above encloses us, as if forming a trap, but none of this seems to scare us.
Until
“you know there are lions and hyenas in this forest right.” Katana breaks the silence.
“Oh my God Katana.” Gloria jumps.
“And night runners who hex children.” He adds.
“Okay. That’s it.” I rise to my feet, using him for support.
Gloria, “He knows nightrunners creep me out.”
“Way to ruin it.” I smack him, but he keeps teasing us.
“And the mountain spirits who possess people...”
“You are pathetic you know that.”
Laughing, we start chasing him around as we rush back the same way we came.
A gush of wind blows past my hair, lifting my braids. Its touch on my face feels so...tangible. It’s really cold, but it warms my heart, fills me. Understands me. I turn my head towards the city one more time and I feel myself smile.
There’s something out there...or someone.
What is your name? Am curious!
