Short Story
I winced, “Erghhhh, sto--p , pl--eas-e!” I was unable to speak due to the harsh hit which provoked stutters & the uncontrollable tears were still controlled.
“You, lying fat bitch! HAH! You lie to me-TO ME, HOW DARE YOU? Where did you learned from to lie to your mother?”
“Mom, I---.” The tears in my eyes which were too eager to bawl instantly started slipping like heavy rain making my eyes welled up.
Another beating from my mother. The normal routine. The regular beating on eating a little more than usual due to my weight. I pitied myself enough. Yes, too enough that I don’t even like the fact of me existing anymore.
“Ya Allah! Why was I born in the first place? Why did you create me? Why am I fat and ugly?!”
I say this alot, asking myself how much better my life would be if I wasn’t born in this family or what bad could happen if I were to die immediately after my birth. At least, people will miss me, I will be in paradise. But no! I have to embrace this unlucky fate!
I was walking on the pavement, making sure my feet didn’t touch the maroon blocks. I don’t know why but I feel incomplete if I by mistake step on the maroon blocks, if I do, I just start my journey again.
Feeling the satisfaction for just walking through the light red bricks, I sighed. When people see me do this, they fancy me mad?! Like what, yeah, I searched on google that it’s something like "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", let it be what it is because who cares? I know my life is very bad and sad, but I am a normal person, right?
When I reached the school gate, I saw duos and squads of friends & I felt the pang of sadness all over my fragile heart. I don’t like to talk to anyone but then there is a desire to have someone who may give you attention. And besides, everyone views me as a ’depressed soul in a corner’, not my words, it’s theirs.
And guess what? Today is going to be a speech on ‘Mental Health’, why do I feel it’s directed to me. Am I depressed or what?
I don’t know why I feel comforted after taking a private session with the mental therapist. How come, God knows what irked me to raise my hand that day.
When the psychiatrist asked,"If you have any questions or a depressing situation that needs to be under controlled whether it be from your home or the school itself, please share, I will surely console you in the privacy of my office.” She was sitting on the stage and her smile was so warm that it was enough for me to trust her.
I raised my hand and signed up for a private session. She came to the conclusion after analyzing my situation at home and how I feel. I came to know what OCD is and that’s why I have the obsession of only stepping on the light red bricks, and why does small things trigger me, why do sometimes I badly suffer from panic attacks, always zoning out.
“It all reflects on the crisis I have at home, me, an unwanted child. My siblings are lucky since they are adored by my parents. I don’t know why they hate me for no specific reason, they want me to be perfect, beautiful, slim and smart. And always beating me. I crave for a smile, but most of them are from strangers, not someone who I can stay with.” I was crying when I, for the first time was telling my feelings to someone.
She had such comforting eyes. Such warm pats. I felt she is the one who may not reject me. Living in the insulation of loneliness, I now have become very despondent...
BUT! SHE ---- SHE FOUND A LIFETIME SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEMS.
“Don’t worry Iqra. You are so beautiful inside out; you are imperfectly perfect and don’t be unthankful to Allah who created you in the best form possible. I know you belong to a highly abusive family and there must be reasons till the roots but what matters is how we go through it! So, I have decided to take you under care as a foster carer until you come out of the depression after therapy, then my company will keep you under care in the ‘Foster Centre’ and after the court’s legal proceedings we must be able to find you a loving, doting family who will be willing to adopt you. Don’t you want that?” She questioned.
“Of course, I want this, but-- ” I felt sad at the thought I had.
“But what? Dear?”
“I don’t think so my parents will even let me go although they hate me.”
“Dear, it’s part of the rule for the foster centers that if we find any kind of child going through extreme unhealthy situations from families, it’s our duty and right to make their lives better by adoption.”
“Oh, I see. Yeahh! OHH!” I said excitedly, my eyes sparked with happiness.
And after a few days, I was taken to Dr. Maya’s home where I was unconditionally happily welcomed. I felt great! Happy for the first time. It sure was another scene when the center filed a report against my parents but that’s another story.
I was going to sleep in my new bed, at a new place. Dr. Maya came in and said, "Goodnight, I love you." She hugged me tight.
I felt loved but yes, the depression symptoms were still there, not too fast but I can overcome it slowly. Salty water popped of my eyes; I was never this positive before.
For the first time in my life, my tears were of joy.
END
