What is your opinion?
Interesting cooperating dual personalities sharing a powerful mind
"Love the dialog, especially the "internal" dialog. The premise of two personalities not just sharing a mind but working together is interesting. Add some telekinetic abilities and a mysterious figure or two and it's a good read. Also seems a part of a larger story; hopefully there are more to come from this world."
Bizarre but intriguing
"Hey there! I just took a look at the first few chapters and I'm interested in seeing where this will go. It was very bizarre. I don't think I've read a story quite like this on the site. It's a brave concept to try to deal with. I think you do a good job of presenting what's going on, the two people sharing the body and the magical elements. I'm not sure what time period you're going for, since with this sort of thing you could lean in just about any direction you wanted. I would say that you may want to try and strengthen the genre, showing the reader whether you're leaning more toward sci-fi, fantasy, present day, or whatever. I liked the descriptions you included, and the dialogue was enjoyable. The reason I stopped was that there were frequent grammatical and wording errors that made it difficult for me to understand. In places, I was getting confused because I wasn't sure what you were trying to say. So maybe try to clean this up a little bit. But this is a great start! I'm interested in seeing where this goes, and it drew me in right away. I hope this helps. Good work!"
