Prologue
I saw Dani slice herself up.
“NO!” I screamed. There was no reaction from her. “Why are you doing this? Think of the girls!”
Still, no reaction.
Why was I seeing this? Can’t I prevent it from happening?
“No,” Dani said, looking up. She was taking the razor blade across her stomach. She didn’t wince and it must have been painful.
“Why not? Why didn’t you answer me before?”
“Our time together won’t happen. You want Addyson.”
“No. I want you!”
She smiled a smile that held no emotion. “No, you don’t.” She looked so sad. So hurt. “You don’t want our girls. You don’t want to be a grandfather. A great-grandfather. You don’t our girls to be President and Vice President.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Pagan, my love. Even if we got together. Even if we had our girls and lived the life that you saw, I would still end up this way.”
“Why?”
“Deep down your focus was always on how to one-up Haden. You don’t even really want Addyson. You just want what he has. You saw me for the first time at the same time you saw Addyson.”
I shook my head.
“What I meant is that you had your first visions of us at the same time. See, you couldn’t even tell me that you were psychic. You thought you were protecting me.”
“I didn’t tell Addyson either.”
“You do have a point there, but it was something that you felt you didn’t have to hide from her like you did from me. Do you recall the visions you had of our first week together?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember how adventurous you were?”
“I didn’t have control.”
“I know. That’s why I was a good match for you. You were trying so hard to be someone that you weren’t meant to be that you became someone you shouldn’t have been.”
“What do you mean?”
“You are like Haden. I know you don’t like the comparison, but let me finish.”
I sighed. “Okay.”
“You like sex. I know you thought that you didn’t, but the second I grabbed your dick that first day you were into it. You were really into the sex in the alley. To me fondling you in the car while your dick was just hanging out. You liked me fucking you in your driveway. You like me sucking you. You liked fucking my mouth. You liked what we did in your bed. In your shower. What we did in this tub. What we did on the floor. The counter. The backyard.”
“Yes.”
“You liked fucking that stewardess. You liked fucking the maid. You liked that there were chances you were taking where you’d get caught. You liked that the stewardess was beneath me and that you were fucking her. You liked that you were fucking me while I was on top of her. You liked watching me masturbate while you fucked her on our way back. You liked watching me masturbate while you fucked the maid. You liked bending her over the chair. You liked that she ate me out while you fucked her in the ass.”
“God help me, yes! I’m a deviant!”
Dani laughed. Her wounds had healed. “They aren’t real.”
“Don’t laugh.”
“It’s not that it’s funny. It’s that you believe it! You think that Haden corrupted Addyson with what he wanted and that wasn’t the case. They just enjoyed sex. They wanted to share. As long as they were consenting adults, which they were, then everything was fine. You need to relax or you’ll die alone.”
“I don’t want that.”
“Honey, I believe you. Look, Addyson does love you.”
“I knew it!”
“As a brother.”
“Fuck.”
“She only slept with you because you wanted it. To you, though, it seemed to cement this crazy ideal that you had that you belonged together. Those visions you had were constant and showed you one thing: that Addyson belonged in your life. Sorry, two things.”
“What was the second thing?”
“That she belonged to Haden. You messed up their narrative when you placed those memories of her with Demetri and Cabot. You messed up their narrative when you placed the memory of her arresting Haden. If you had brought Tessa back sooner? Nothing would have changed. It wasn’t bringing Tessa back to her that made Addyson love Haden. It happened long before that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Addyson and Terrence went to their high school reunion. Ten year reunion. Addyson’s on-again off-again boyfriend, Barry had escorted her. She didn’t want to show up with only Terrence. She thought it was weird to be there with her brother. All she did was look across the room. Addyson caught Haden’s eye and that was it. Both of them knew their lives would be different. Both of them knew that they’d be married. Both of them knew they didn’t want to spend their lives without the other.”
“But they fucked other people!”
“Just because they did that didn’t mean that they didn’t love each other. They are good people. Two of the best people that I’ll never meet. They took in so many kids that needed homes. Addyson could have gone in a completely different direct with her life.”
“How’s that?”
“After James raped her she could have died. She could have turned to prostitution or drugs. Both. Booze. She didn’t. She did the healthiest thing she could and that was look for her daughter. She got her education. She got a job. She got a house. She made her life better. She took back her control. What he did to her could have killed her, should have, honestly. He beat her pretty badly.”
“I’ve seen the memories.”
“It’s destroyed greater women. Or lesser women, if you prefer.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“When Addyson realized that she only had Terrence, it made her stronger.”
“I see.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“She needs me. She needs to know there is someone else there for her.”
Dani shook her head, sadly. “Unfortunately, you’ll never learn, love. You’re going to die young and alone.”
“What?”
Dani began to fade, shaking her head.
